Relationship How Do You Respond, When It Is Obvious They Are Feeling Down?

[Barconian]

In some cases, some people stay single because they are in love with someone else.

What is love??? And how many kinds of love is there? Even with PTSD, we still need to feel loved or lovable! I have friends I love dearly, but I don't want to marry them! Love is what helped me beat the dreaded illness through consistent encouragement and the stability of those I loved, because I believed they loved me and that gave me strength. It was unconditional love that I had received.

The love I had for my daughter and my trust in her and her love for me, helped me to learn the boundary between rational and e rational behaviour, which was terribly important for my children's welfare and self esteem.

Unless you are talking about obsessive love, Bell? That is a totally different ball game... If someone is obsessed over anyone, PTSD or not, that someone can be a nightmare to the person not sharing the same feelings! Stalkers are obsessive because they think they are in love. They are selfish!!!

I think Chris has clarified that his relationship with his friend is based on simply caring about someone he likes... I could be wrong but I doubt it.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

So you only know her by text...? No skype, no phone calls? Am I the only one thinking you're jumping the gun by wanting a relationship?

It is SO easy to get wrapped up in an online relationship but the truth is that people are often quite different than they seem online, and it's not because they're lying or being deceptive. You can have the greatest chemistry with someone and it falls completely flat when you meet.

But aside from that, PTSD in person is completely different from PTSD online. (As in....COMPLETELY!). I hope you can understand this.

 

[Chris516]

Barconian, The first part of what you said, reminded me of the Tina Turner song 'What's Love Got To Do With It'. In terms of being loved, we all deserve to be loved. Regardless of what we have, or don't have. Yes, I want to help her beat it(if at all possible). Yes, My love for her is unconditional. If it was conditional, I would have stopped communicating with her years ago.

Very good illustration about the difference between, rational love, and irrational love.

I certainly am not obsessive, or a stalker. I know what is 'going over the line'. For me, those would be people who refer to television programs they prefer to watch as 'my shows'. As if they were somehow involved in the production and management of the specific programs. People like that make me sick.

It is based on the fact that we have known each other for so long, and I have always cared about her. The turning point was, when she almost died in Aug.'2012 and was ultimately diagnosed with something I have had since birth. I know how she will behave, and I am used to it.

 

[Tinyflame]

I am a little lost, Chris did you not say somewhere you dropped all contact for 9 months without warning? I'm not sure if you both reconciled that, whatever kind of relationship you have. I don't want to sound controversial, but maybe she meant it when she said she didn't care? In that, someone thinking in unhealthy terms might accept that kind of behaviour, but the more healthy a person is the more likely they are to think the person is a jerk (sorry!). Maybe she feels it wasn't a big deal to you (if it's true it sounds like it wasn't), and is returning in kind. Or maybe you resolved it(?)

But in that way the context of 'what to say' becomes not much because perhaps she doesn't/ wouldn't trust you,

 

[Chris516]

Solara, I have known her by Yahoo Instant Messenger since 2003. So we have sent pictures of each other via Yahoo IM. We don't Skype, and the cost of a phone call is too prohibitive to be on a regular basis because of the distance(U.S.-Canada) and international call rates applying to the situation. Which is why, I prefer communication through IM. There was a period of time prior to her nearly dying in 2012, that we were chatting on a daily basis, and utilizing Yahoo Voice Chat. Yahoo Voice Chat didn't exist before that time.

 

[Chris516]

Junebug, I did say that I dropped contact for nine months without warning. That was July'2011-Apr.'2012.

As to her saying that she didn't care, that wasn't in reference to me. That was in reference to her caring about herself. Because if that were not the case, she wouldn't have gone from cutting me out of her life on multiple occasions, to only days later accusing me of ignoring her. On several occasions.

We resolved it.

 

[Barconian]

@Chris516 Most of the people here are from Venus and we are from Mars... They nurture, we carry club :) I still think you need to keep your friend out of this forum or these Venetians will eat you alive ;) Talk about PTSD, not lady friend if you wanna live through this :D

 

[Echo]

Venusian or not, I am confused because whether here in this thread or elsewhere, Chris has made it clear that it is his lady friend who has PTSD and that he wishes to have a romantic relationship with her. I believe he is seeking answers about how best to support her and some explanation for her behaviours. I am not sure Barconian how he can leave her out of it. People can only advise him successfully if they understand the nature of his relationship with this woman.

 

[Barconian]

Unfortunately for me @Echo he did say he want's a relationship... I went looking :( Chris your own your own pal :)

 

[Chris516]

Do you mean to say, that I am 'on my own', not 'own your own'?

 

[Barconian]

Do you mean to say

The trouble is that Echo challenged me with something you said and I had to go look for what Echo was referring to and found you said what Echo said you said... So, therefore Echo is correct and yep you can clean your own mess my friend :D

 

[Chris516]

I am already intending to.