How Does One Grieve?

[Seasounds]

You are right, it is a set of skills.

I tried to stuff my grief as long as I could. Flashbacks and famil members dying changed that.

I had to find the safety to cry, and share my feelings with others. The first time through a major loss was heavy; it opened u everything I had never grieved. I felt way out of control,

Grief tending is a soulful, skillful task. Staying open to feelings while having a good support system and having ways to switch into a mode that allowed me to go about daily tasks, was helpful.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Thank you for sharing that @Vandya!

I think the issue im having is not stuffing it, or at least not fearing im stuffing it and not being to access emotions caused that fear.

I dont have real life support, have a very disfunctional family (if thats the word for my family), so maybe thats why its taking much longer to access emotions that i know are there. Maybe i feel a bit unsteady, at least not steady and supported enough to do anything besides staying numb and defend myself for protection.

I never really thought my lack of real life support being a part of this as ive never had support in real life but now im thinking thats likely it.

I was able to find some words last night, so maybe my searching and talking about it, and feeling the support here, is all helping a bit?

 

[Freedomfighter]

I just realized that i have no idea how to grieve. Ive never gone through grief before, only...

I really don't know that either. I am at a total loss because I just lost my mom. Did not have a perfect relationship with my mom but in her last years I learned a lot about her troubles and she learned a lot about my troubles and during that time we grew much closer. Visited her in her last week of life and could only take short periods of visitation, felt so weak about that, but since I have PTSD I deal with a lot of things differently. Can only hope she understood, miss her and do not know how to deal with her death.
Having an abusive father that would like nothing more than to continue his abuse sure does not help.

I like to look at old pictures where my mom is happy and remembering the times when she was happy. I think she may have known about the abuse at the hands of my father, but was so much under his control, and most likely would not have taken me seriously or turned away from me if I would have dared to tell her that her husband is no good.
Where do I go from there? Do not know, tough situation.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I like to look at old pictures where my mom is happy and remembering the times when she was happy.

Ive heard that that helps.

When i was googling my mom's name for an obit for work, i came across some old pictures of her i put up on facebook a long time ago. It was triggering for me. Apparently im way more triggered by pictures now after her death as i was able to put those up on facebook and my dad recently (like a few months ago before i knew, or even she knew, she was sick) gave me a joint passport they had and ive not been able to look at it since she's been sick.

I posted this thinking that since she did make a connection with me early in, that normal grief is there, and it is, but also being one of my main abusers, it makes it way more complicated than normal.

I just wanted to have a better understanding of grief and i did find a bit of a voice last night so i can say this thread did its job.

Im sorry to hear about your mom @Freedomfighter! I know its hard! :hug:

 

[Kailani]

Pictures are very triggering and good in small doses. Hope you are feeling the best you can be! Sometimes it is good to go from feeling when you are in a safe place and able to a thinking mode when you are not. That could be unhealthy though. Not sure. Sometimes the feelings just flow and you just let it flow. Support to you!!!!!