How Does One Love Oneself?

[Teasel]

I wonder if asking yourself these questions every morning might start to help you find some answers?

I think I've been having a go at learning to have self compassion in a roundabout way for a couple years.

Have developed a routine which has on it plenty of self care and things I enjoy as well as "chores"

Regularly ask myself how I'm feeling, if there's anything I want or need etc.

Also regularly think of something to do which I might enjoy and is a tiny bit - not out of my comfort zone but at least is a bit new for me.

Also recently have taken up the practise of metta -

Dead Link Removed

to yourself and others - everyday after meditation. Just 4 minutes a day, and it's working. I'm getting to quite like myself more of the time. I used to hate myself all of the time!
Anyhow, hood question, hope you find what works for you

 

[Changing4Best]

I hugged myself several times today. That helped. I have not gotten to saying, "I love me." or "I love you, Sheila." to myself in the mirror. I think I would find that kind of awkward. I did thank my heart for beating all these years, I thought that was a good idea. I think I kind of thanked my legs for walking. That was harder. Somehow my heart seems to be more a part of me than my legs do. Yet I do find walking to be a REALLY important thing and I would miss it a lot if I could not do it! I guess I should thank my brain for thinking and figuring things out for me....

 

[sundailk]

I felt much better once I developed the mind frame that other people's respect is useless. No human on this Earth is a God, so others people's input about what makes me happy is truly useless. We don't have oxygen thanks to being typed as ugly or beautiful and all the other categories. Being alive is sometimes weird for me and it is also an experience that I bask in. Loving what's around me helps. I love the moon, all the planets, the taste of food, animals and how we can sense energy. It's corny. I used to have a huge issues of being around a lot of negative people and thinking the world operated that way until I grew up and realized a million people around me can think the same thing and there's always a million more to disagree. It's very similar to a Mark Twain quote about reflecting on when we make up the majority. Self love can also be just taking joy in things outside of ourselves because it's still apart of the human experience. Just my personal take on it. I don't think everyone has to do it same way.

 

[Changing4Best]

You know, you have a point about other people's respect being useless. I think part of my problem is that there is this man who moved into our building recently who has no respect for ANYONE. He is a joker and degrader, the kind of person who makes a nasty (often sex based) joke about everything you say and everything you do and are. He picks on people to the point that two of us at one point or another have gotten up and walked out the room, saying, "I can't take this anymore."

Unfortunately, I have to wait for the bus in the mornings with him some days and although he seems less abrasive when he is one-on-one with you, as soon as we get into a group of folks at the Senior Center, and especially when we are around other men, he starts in on me or some other hapless person with his picking and joking, and the joke is always in poor taste and on someone like me or this poor other fellow named Ray. He is relentless and I somehow doubt that he has any idea of how he makes others feel.

I have tried various methods of stopping his emotional abuse, like asking the manager of the Senior Center to give everyone a lecture on being nice to one another and so on. Nothing, so far, has shut him up. It's endless and maddening!

I don't need his respect, you are right. I also doubt if I would ever earn it, no matter what I said or did. He is hopeless.

I do have most others' respect there at the Senior Center. I enjoy almost everyone there and have for years. This guy is the only person there who makes me uncomfortable regularly. It has almost gotten to the point that I don't want to go there anymore. However, I refuse to let this nasty man ruin a place for me that I have so loved and that has been so healthy for me mentally in so many ways otherwise.

Somehow, I will love myself enough, that his brand of hatred will not affect me. I just don't know how yet. God willing, I will figure it out though!

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, I thought of another thing. I often light a candle when folks are coming to visit, especially if they are coming for the day. I NEVER do this for me! Even just the thought of doing it seems wasteful to me, like I am wasting it because it would only be for me. I have to get rid of that mindset, but I don't know how!

 

[holdenmonty]

@SheilaKathy I was just thinking of a video you might like. Look up Skit Guy - God Chisel on youtube. It has helped me in the past and probably should watch it again. It has so many biblical truths in it about who we are to God.

 

[Changing4Best]

I think I have seen it! Yes, it is good. I will go watch it again. Thanks. @holdenmonty.

 

[Changing4Best]

OK, I watched it again, and I cried when it got to the part where He reads the letter he had written in college, asking if he had heard God correctly, that God loves him. Yeah, it was good to watch it again. Thanks.

 

[Teasel]

I have to get rid of that mindset, but I don't know how!

Ya reckon you could light a candle for you even though you think it's wasteful?

Glad you enjoyed the video :-)

 

[Changing4Best]

I will try it when I get home tomorrow. I have a Sweetpea candle that I love. It is pink, one of my fav colors and it has the most delightful aroma!

 

[Changing4Best]

Okay, I lit my candle. It is glowing sweetly....

 

[intothelight]

I haven't reached the stage of "loving myself", but I am now comfortable in my own skin. It was really of process of accepting who I was and where I was at. Making a person and very honest inventory of my own ethics, personality and behavior and putting that list into things I was OK with and things I wanted to change. It was a starting point and the things I wanted to change weren't something to beat myself up about or to feel "worthless" for, as many were a result of decades of abuse and the resulting cognitive distortions and maladaptive coping mechanisms.

Yes, I am still a work in progress and most days I like who I am, but I don't always like what I do or how I respond but I am working on it. One of the hardest things for myself was just to let down my guard and be vulnerable. It didn't feel safe and it was always "safer" to pull back and when feeling threatened or respond with anger.

To give and receive love honestly and deeply, I had to learn to just be myself. Yes, there are still those things that I fear, rejection, disappointment, hurt, manipulation, etc. but I am learning how to handle those emotions without them sending me into a shell, anger or a shroud of worthlessness. It is safe to be human now and it takes a while to realize that and learn the skills that were missed in childhood and adult hood.

I wish you the best and hope you find a lot on this thread helpful.