How Does Your Significant Other Help You?

[squirrel]

For those of you in relationships, how does your significant other help you? Do they understand your PTSD? If they do, how does this help your healing? And if they don't, how do you handle it?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm probably the odd one out, but tough love seems to serve me best, at least right now. His words can be tough, but it speaks volumes that he hasn't walked away after a few years. He is the most patient person I've met in quite a long time, but at the same time he doesn't like dealing with some of my more outrageous behavior (understandably).

Everyone is different, but we all want love, understanding and support. What varies is what is the best way for our supporters to express these elements toward us.

 

[arfie]

It was a long and painful journey to get here, but the love of my life helps me with votes of confidence that I can and will work it out for myself and space enough to work in. He has learned to listen without getting out his Wifey Fix Kit. For the first time in my long life, I feel loved.

 

[elisabeth]

My husband is good about telling me to take my medicine but can't understand why I can't "turn it off". Forums like this help. Otherwise I am on my own.

 

[shimmerz]

My beloved one is always calm. He tells me there is nothing that I can do that will make him turn on me. He stays with me during my terrors, He has taught me to come to him - to reach out. I let him see me because of this. It is letting the anxiety go as I don't have to hide with him.

 

[Tympre]

He has let me give over control instead of taking it, to allow me to ask for help instead of forcing it, my soul mate sees my pain, waits for me to ask for comfort and then holds me. He allows me to hug him first and asks if he wants one. He even asks to hold my hand. On really bad days, he fixes me meals and lets me eat in my bed. And he pushes me to leave my house and to answer the phone, he pushes me to face my fears all the while standing right beside me. He is there for me to talk to no matter what the time of day or night. He is not afraid of my reactions, hes not afraid of me. He does not judge me, he is there to help me heal. And he is there even if I never do.

 

[Whirlwind]

No, my husband is generally in denial but with improvements over time. Today I don't sugar coat my past and my husband has come to grasp the reality of my early life and it does make him sad. I think for a long time he had trouble even believing it.

The lack of support hindered me and was not optimal.

I helped myself by seeing a therapist over my husbands complaining (he has since come to think it was a good thing). My therapy strengthened my truth and allowed me to purge...it was the best format and after some very tough going I learned to handle my flashbacks, calm myself, not fight my feelings, etc.

I felt "burned" by my husband in the past and I do not go to him for support.

I don't think this is optimal but it is my reality. I do get today that my husband is a fixer and this can't be fixed so he doesn't know what to "do with it". I also suspect he simply can't handle it. He's a "tough" guy and would never admit it but for example, I have come to learn scary movies are too scary for him. So I can imagine how my very ugly abuse strikes him, and he doesn't actually know the half of it. On the other hand, a part of me feels like his denial is an easy way "out".

Removing my husband from my support system...has helped, the pressure is off/expectations are realistic (his/mine).

Honestly, I have felt very bad about the lack of support and it has caused me question our relationship....but unexpectedly, having to navigate the worst of this on my own seemingly sped up my self reliance. So that is the silver lining. Sigh, my husband does seem to try more as time passes though.

I am not seeing a therapist now and awhile back my husband spontaneously offered to be a sounding board and let me vent since I am not seeing a therapist at the moment. He said he would just "listen" and then he would do his best to not let the info bother him.....wow, vs his former "why can't you get over it - let the past go" diatribe.

Given our history, that was a really big deal. So things are better but I will not be taking him up on his offer, despite appreciating it.

Good luck, Whirlwind

 

[Shannonstrong]

Well here is something I have been going through, my trauma started about 6 years ago, over the last 2 years I have really focused on learning about it and trying to understand it myself. I have changed my attitude to think in a more positive way, I still avoid crowed places and I still have my moments.

So awhile back my wife tells me her feelings are not as strong for me because I do provide the compassion and sitting on the couch next her all time love, I also do go to public places like the zoo and the fair etc with her and my daughter.

Recently I started having trust issues and because of my PTSD and paranoia I wanted to know the truth, so I hacked her phone and I was able to hear a couple conversations she had with her and her mother. Apparently she would call me, see what I am doing...tell me she loves me and then dog walk me to her mom and her friend making me sound like and idiot. So today I was told that when we argue it always comes back to me and what I went through...needless to say, she does not even know the first symptom of PTSD because her words were "I don't care to learn it". <<that was said when I started learning about it. Today I was plowing snow and had argued with her for hours, because she will say, "its all me now" you had your time, the last 6 years have been about you...it's all about me me me me now...that drives me insane along with knowing how she speaks about me to her family, of course I am psycho for tapping her phone to see who the reall person was sleeping next me..but I don't care about that.

I have made a lot of positive changes in the last 2 years on my own without any support, I have learned alot on here from a member who explained to me that she is very emotionally immature and therefore cannot attempt to understand ...we have 2 year old that we very close to...I have my own business that is starting to thrive because of the work I put into it and now I feell like everyday is hold because I do not know what I am going to do.

I am native Floridian with all my family in FLA and I live in Indiana because this where she is from and she will not leave. Blames me on why she wont leave also..but whatever. Has anyone ever told the suffer your time is up and now its about memememememe?? I envy the women that stand by their spouses through their trauma.