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How have your thoughts and actions regarding consent changed?

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Consent and what it means/entails is such an important topic. Not only in sexual encounters but also in everyday interactions. I think until fairly recently I did whatever I was told and kept my mouth shut about it. When I started a relationship with someone who was a Dom, I learned not only about the importance of consent but also about my own worthiness. He would ask my consent for everything and often would ask more than once. I didn't get this. Aside from the fact that I was a submissive in a D/s relationship, I didn't think I had any right to expect someone to ask for consent or for me to expect it.

I don't think this was a conscious thought. I didn't realize how lucky I was to have someone recognize me as a valuable human being deserving of care and compassion. These days I expect consent in every aspect of my life. And I recognize where we give what I think is implied consent in so many situations that, if we had really thought about what we were allowing of others, we wouldn't.

When I go to the doctor, I'm asked to sign a blanket consent form. Most don't read it but if they would, they would be astonished about the things they are "consenting" to.
 
Interesting topic. The way I have survived and my explicit experience is that I have always had a strong boundaries and have been great at saying no. It worked well for me as an adult woman but it caused more assaults on me as a child.
The weird thing I learned since therapy is that I had only one way on boundary and consent.
Now I have been ashamed but processed how much I crossed on others. I may still have residues. Work in progress. In my marriage, we have and continue to talk about this a lot until it becomes natural for me... Implicit. But I am super concious now.
 
I'm asked to sign a blanket consent form. Most don't read it but if they would, they would be astonished about the things they are "consenting" to.

I do read it and then I'm confused and conflicted about whether or not the end justifies the means and the cure outweighs the risks... The the possible is more likely than the improbable. Because it's all there..almost every outcome imaginable.

I have to have time to think... which is generally not the right time to require time.

Medical staff get impatient and angry - almost like they feel as if you maybe don't trust them?? Consent = taking on board their legal liability and reduces their insurance payouts.
 
I do read it and then I'm confused and conflicted about whether or not the end justifies the means and the cure outweighs the risks... The the possible is more likely than the improbable. Because it's all there..almost every outcome imaginable.

I have to have time to think... which is generally not the right time to require time.

Medical staff get impatient and angry - almost like they feel as if you maybe don't trust them?? Consent = taking on board their legal liability and reduces their insurance payouts.

Yes. I have reached a point where I write in conditions. And cross out things I don't agree to. Like photos. That's a big one when you have surgery. And...um, NO. Emergency contacts are also often required. So I sign, but right in BIG letters, ONLY IN EMERGENCY. Then I ask for a copy so I have it on record. I think it's written in part to confuse the patient.
 
But I am still never sure whether I actually want to consent of not. Usually the only way I can figure it out is to go ahead with sex, and if my body doesn't respond, then I realize that I really didn't want to. Not ideal, especially within a committed relationship, because it's pretty morale-destroying for everyone.

I thought I was the only one who did this, although mine is the opposite, if I don’t react, then I did want sex

My boyfriend says I react a lot less when I initiate sex. Well, given that he’s almost always up for sex (except when tired or sick pretty much) (these are his actual words) and I have a higher sex drive, it works out.

If I’m initiating, there’s a greater chance that I actually do want sex (although sometimes I do initiate even when I don’t want it), and when I initiate I feel more in control so therefore less flashbacks.
 
Nonsexual romantic relationships are a thing.
Yeah ... Not if your partner doesn't want that. I don't want that either, given that the 10% of the time that having sex actually works out, it's amazing. The issue for me is the other 90% of the time when it doesn't work, or someone's feelings get hurt, or both.

Maybe I should just give up, because my problems have destroyed my partner's confidence and desire. But I learned long ago that a man who doesn't have sex isn't a man at all, and so I am compelled to keep trying, if only to stoke my own ego. It sucks.

We're also much nicer to each other when we have regular sex. That part doesn't suck, except that it doesn't end up working out (completely on my end) 90% of the time.
 
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Sorry, that's total B. S. If the other person wants sex more than the relationship they should make other plans. Sex doesn't make a man. We all know many men lie about having sex or how much they are having sex because society paints men as drooling horn dogs but reality isn't so simple. Every persons sexuality is different.

Sorry to be so harsh, I am upset by your response, not because you did or said anything wrong but because of how clear it is that your beliefs about sex are hurting you. No one should ever feel required to have sex to make their partner happy. There wasa time I thought I had to too. I was taught it was my duty like many people. It's not.

I don't think to much about men being in that situation, but clearly I am wrong on that, because you sound like do many women who feel forced to have sex to make their partner happy. I guess it is common for guys to be in that situation too, it just gets zero attention.

I just woke up, but danger this is really bothering me. My own ignorance included. I just don't want you to have to feel like you do. My heart goes out to you.
 
Yeah, you're right. I made the decision this morning to simply resign from being a sex partner and let my wife go free. She's mentioned finding new partners several times, and I obviously can't cut it and am not likely to improve in the future. I'm going to let her know shortly (after work - she gets mad about talking about stuff like this over text) and I'm sure she'll be so relieved.

Best Mothers Day gift ever.
 
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