How Long Should We Be Members On This Forum?

[anthony]

My opinion on this question.

I believe a person with PTSD should only be upon this forum for a maximum of 12 months without a good three to six month break, bare minimum. The break is required in order to determine whether the forum is holding you back or not... being you put everything you learnt into practical action and begin learning how to self assess.

I also believe that when a member has reached a certain point in their healing they should cut ties with the forum and learn to walk life without the support, because life itself does not support us and we must often relearn the reality of life and it can be harsh.

Some people have no family... some the family have caused the trauma... so really they don't have a family even though they are still living; they have found family here, so they stay here for that specific growth... saying that, such things can and often will hinder future growth and progress in healing. Staying here longer than two years IMHO means one of two things....

1. You are scared to let go and actually walk the path of life yourself and learn from your experience to continue your growth, or
2. You're in denial about just how hard you have been/are working upon yourself to heal your trauma and relearn exposure skills to life itself in order to become an active part of your community once again.

#2 will fit the majority IMO... being we think we are all working hard, but when the going gets a little tough we can tend to hide behind our illness and use it to justify our hiding or none exposure / continued exposure to determine are more realistic outcome for growth and healing. That may hurt some... but its the truth. I hid behind things for years before tackling my own healing and self growth, but when I decided to do it, I just got on with the job and didn't stuff about.

For a person to remain here long term then that person would want to have a very healthy self esteem... otherwise, the forum will do more damage than good. This forum can be equally as damaging as workaholism... you hide behind something in order to distract your mind from the real feelings and issues. People often help others or advise others when they should be helping themselves, etc etc.

I just believe that every support community has a lifespan where it no longer is good, but more a hinderance. This is for any issue really. A forum you could remain upon for years is something more like an interest / hobby type forum, where the information is not of a supportive or healing nature to the brain, but more a relaxed atmosphere.

Just my opinion....

 

[Mercy]

I've been here for a few months. It has been and is very helpful to hear from many people who, even if their traumas are different, ernestly try to be supportive. There many good suggestions. It is wonderful not to feel so alone.

For me, it would be a great loss if they decided that one year is like a term limit after which they would have to go away. I would loose the support base I find here. I treasure every one of the people who have writen to me. I guess I just don't want to say good by. There have been so so many losses in my life, so many abandonments. Even the thought that some people might feel their time is up saddens me.:dontknow:

I am doing the PTSD work with a therapist and a women's group led by a therapist. So that's twice a week for more than four years. I am facing my issues with treatment and meds....And I still need this forum, especially the dairy part. Talking stuff out and writing it down are two very different things.

 

[batgirl]

What Anthony said.... exactly why I left the forum, every word of it. I was active here for just over a year, no long break, and then I moved on to other things. It was the best decision I could have made, as my life is really fantastic now. I just came back briefly today to support my boyfriend as he is really in a state atm.

 

[Cindy]

Anthony and Batgirl:

Thank you! They are very good points and for me something to really think about.

Cindy

 

[pandora]

Hi batgirl...hope you are well and that your new boyfriend (that is awesome news) is here to support himself, sorry he is having a bad day today!!!! Take Care...both of you, I am sure you are an excellent support for each other as you can understand each other in many ways. I am so happy for you. Take care!
Pand

 

[goingonhope]

I am just wondering....Do other forum members feel like.....one day you will not be a part of this forum.....

Hello Pandora, What a great idea for discussion. Interesting too! Yes, as another forum member, I do feel like one day I will not be a part of this forum. Having said this, I'm not stating that I won't ever visit. In fact, just the other day, I thought heck even if I just occassionally stop by to very briefly visit and watch this:

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/learning/ourearth/ourearth.html[/DLMURL]

Well then, I would like this, as you'all mean so much to me. IMO, the people and community that makes up this forum are amazing people. Keep in mind that I come from a history of having been related to and known people so thouroughly unwilling to honestly look inward that the blame and punishment was therefore projected outward upon everyone and for everything. I still have someways to go in order to sift and sort through stock (along the lines of whom owns what). As well as, too strive to achieve the degree of self-esteem best suited for my family and I.

So I admit, I do like the idea that here is one place we can gain and maintain a deepening honesty within ourselves, share and learn a great deal about our Ptsd, and about ourselves and others and decrease the burden of unreasonable unchecked fears.

Do you not think that sharing the positive stories about healing and how much this effects our daily lives is reason to keep coming back to share that with the newly diagnosed that is just as confused as when we old timers started.

No, not necessarily, IMO, Ptsd sufferer needs to do their own actual healing work and create and experience their own positive stories to believe such is real. Some, IMO, don't either believe, care or wish to know another's positive story, ...but naturally of course not all.

I'll also admit that I've burdened myself, at times, with guilt that I'm not available supportively, to others here as I wish I could be. I find myself reliquishing this guilt through reminding myself of exactly this:

I think the key is what you do with your time on the forum and how you use it to benefit you...its not just about being here; its participating for your own self improvement.

I've been there and done the other, which is being a carer and counselor type to many another in my past and for far too long; It didn't work to realign my faulty-thinking any or help me heal from my trauma's or anything else. In fact it fed my own denial until disillusionment was coming out my ears.

I know what I'm doing here still, and now it's been for sometime simultaneous to more peacefully and confidently living life; I know this forum ultimately helps me immeasurably on the other side of much.

I've heard here and elsewhere, we've got to allow ourselves to get sick first in order to get better. Getting sick and getting better all takes time. When I seize to grow then I'll go, and in the mean time I'll be supportive here as much or as little as I'm able. As I know, I always do the very best that I can.

Its takes time to digest all what is here and I can appreciate how good it must be to come here and feel you are no longer alone with a debilitating illness. From there the ball is in your court with what you do with the information which is here.

Well said.

If you come here digest the information, take on board what you think helps you and apply it to your life you are then well on the way to having a better quality of life. For each individual the time this process takes will vary due to a whole lot of factors.

Again, very well said.

How long do you plan on staying with the forum........

Don't have any plans for length of stay here within the forum.
Taking it: "One Day At A Time." What I ought to do though is after I get through this especially tough time of year for me. I ought to take Anthony's suggestions of a good 3 to 6, or was it 9 month break. Now that would be constructive too. -(thinking: one would hope).

Meanwhile, I live my life, while remaining to participate in the forum when possible. And, I go through a heck of a lot (healing and nose-dives as well) that never have seen any a thread bc I've taken it to therapy, taken it elsewhere, processed it alone, have done and remain open to healing retreats, and I'm learning to ask for help from visible people. As well as, by nature to be supportive where and when I can, ....mostly with people I can reach-out too in person, hear and touch.

Anyhow, have some reputation Pandora, for a great topic for discussion.

Hope

 

[reallydown]

Great thread Pandora. I've been wrestling with this issue for quite a while too. This forum has been very helpful and I hope to one day just leave...I've been here (on and off) for 2 or so years...so I keep asking myself what the heck is wrong with me? Why do I still come here? The simple answer is that after the failed attempts at counselling, I have not yet managed to find a support system that works. While it seems I still have a long way to go...I know that I am (overall) doing better than when I came here and that counts for something. As Hope says, I have to take it one day at a time.

 

[Marlene]

I was really suprised to see this topic and originally not going to respond. But this subject got stuck in my mind.

How long? For me...I have no idea. All I know is this is a place I can come to where I don't have to explain myself and why I feel things or do things, I'm not judged or considered weird because I'm different. I don't have to wear my many masks here. I can be me here and be totally accepted. That's a rarity in my life.

I've been a member here for over two years now. I've taken many breaks-a few days up to a few months. Sometimes I come here and just read the titles of the posts and then log off. Sometimes I will spend a couple of hours responding to posts. And there are times I stick primarily to my diary (like now) when I'm dealing with issues and I just can't deal with anything else. Here I've learned it's ok to lean on others for support as much as it's ok to let others lean on me.

This forum has become a safe place for me. A touchstone, so to speak. Sometimes I need it more than others. In the same way that I've given myself the luxury of as much time as I need to heal, I've done the same with the forum...as much time as I need.

Lisa