How many have/had a mentally ill parent growing up?

[Still Standing]

This is another thing I have wondered since joining this site? How many grew up trying to navigate around a mentally ill parent? I was the only one in my world who had one, that I knew about. My mother was a very difficult paranoid personality disorder person, which only got worse as she got older, ending up with her being a hoarder. She disowned everyone. She allowed no one in the house. Everyone was wrong except her, at any cost. She also had a split personality, I think. She would sell things to the local antique dealers and then accuse us kids of stealing her things. She would lock herself in her home with multiple locks on the insides of the doors and windows. In the morning, she would discover things broken, missing, or her doors unlocked. She had a unique collection of out-of-the-norm dolls. They systematically were destroyed, in the night. Their hair and clothes were torn and destroyed. Of course, mom would cry and carry on being a victim of a stalker, but us kids knew she stalked herself. She was the only one in her house. No amount of trying to convince her that she was doing this to herself, changed her mind. She was snide and sarcastic in her accusing us kids and her grandkids of doing all these things to her. It was bad. She trusted no one and though we tried to get the state to investigate her, she outwitted them and they walked away from her. She was a very unpleasant person to be around. Growing up, I was her main target for her suspicions, punishments, and poor treatment. Only as an older adult have I been able to put her illness into a more healthy perspective.

 

[Sweetleaf]

My father was diagnosed with bipolar. He was a giant piece of shit, and a complete weirdo. Haven't had any contact with him for 8 years and I plan on keeping it that way.

 

[Deleted member 541]

If meanness was a diagnosis for mental health, my mother fit the bill. I’m really not sure if she had a mental health issue, but I suspect she leaned toward narcissistic behavior, and just plain mean....

 

[mumstheword]

I really think, if my mum fessed up to therapy, that she would fit to a T, Histrionic personality disorder. She had/has a very toxic narcissistic mother and plenty of trauma though.
My Dad was suicidal depressed when I was growing up (he told me after) and he is a academic Aspergers guy. I don't feel like going into details though.

 

[Teasel]

Mum was bipolar
Dad was academic aspergers

 

[Teamwork]

I did. But I don’t know her diagnosis. Ifshe was doing something she made us do it too. In AA meant we went to alateen, on a diet, so were we, seeing a psychiatrist well then one of us would need that as well. She had me committed to an adult psych ward when I was twelve. Her psychiatrist believed her that I was a risk. Sadly I never returned home as other agencies got involved in my case and I was sent to an adolescent facility two hours away. Then the whole family had to have family meetings. I was heavily drugged in the adult psych ward and suspect my mom was also heavily medicated. She slept a lot. She had crazy tantrum outbursts blowing up if one teaspoon in the drawer was dirty. She would then dump the entire tray in the sink and wake the offender up in the middle of the night to redo the dishes. Food was split up, certain things for us, certain for her and yet another for dad. She hid food, watched it and accused us of stealing her food items. If someone did something and didn’t fess up then we were all made to kneel facing the wall inthe dining room and she would most likely fall asleep and not remember we were there. None of us ever moved though. She also didn’t like my dad much at some point and my sister and I used to have to bring her mattress out at night into the living room to sleep. She would demand we wake her in the morning to put the mattress back before we went to school, but then would not get up. We would come home for lunch and find her irate that she was awakened by someone at the door who had found her sleeping inthe living room. These are just some of the crazy ways we grew up. This are etched in my memory, the rest I don’t talk much about.

 

[Still Standing]

:( I relate on so many levels... Very sad.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

My mother had Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and it was malignant, and Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD), this is not OCD.
My oldest brother has NPD.
My stepdad has OCPD.
My youngest brother exhibits all the signs of OCPD.
My biological father was/is Antisocial - Psychopath and of course NPD as they go together.

Ah, I know you said parents. Thought I'd mention all of the mentally ill people in my family.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Yup mentally unwell parents its pretty interesting a lot of other people are saying the same. Might be interesting to do a poll.

 

[Deleted member 44579]

My mum has borderline personality disorder... Very hard on a kid.... Now she's older it's different.... But she still can explode... Which is dangerous to be around

 

[Lionheart]

My father was a violent alcoholic, with major depressive disorder (and we highly suspect untreated PTSD as well). He continued to self-medicate with alcohol until he passed in 2012.

My mother had major depression and generalized anxiety disorder. (She was never diagnosed by a psychiatrist, but rather a family physician).

Mom and dad both told stories of enduring severe child abuse but never labeled it accordingly.

 

[Deleted member 44394]

My Dad was very difficult and imbalanced, to be around. I have a feeling people pushed themselves to the edge back in those days, and the imbalances that they suffered were looked at as 'necessary' for what they did or how hard they strived. It's hard to explain.
I'm convinced that in part, my crippling fear of mistakes, or perfectionism comes from my father; he taught us that we had to do everything absolutely perfectly, that mistakes absolutely weren't tolerated. I can remember this going all the way back to my childhood.
It makes a fragile, brittle and psychologically neurotic human being. I'm just being honest, these are weaknesses I hate and have and never understood where they come from. I could be blaming him but for nothing, maybe I'm just that way.
But, I think the thought planted in my head at some point from very young that 'mistakes aren't tolerated' was put there by my dad, and it grew such things. I've had a very, very hard, unsuccessful and unproductive life, full of crippling anxiety depression and neurosis, because of this teaching. It's shaped my character in ways I don't like and are not true "me".

I supposed blaming him won't do anything. I just have to work on this... I'm not sure I can ever change, and any changes I do make will be negligible. It's one of those things that starts very young and builds on itself; that's why it's so hard to erase. From what I've read, chronic engrained perfectionism is one of the hardest, most intractable things to treat.
From what I know his dad had it too, and passed it on to him...

I don't know what I can do at this point. I'm probably f*cked. I definitely feel handicapped by this and in part by my parents' weakness.

I think the biggest thing is having ptsd or trauma, and being sensitive.


Although who has that and why is a debate. I think being sensitive and having a natural temperament that's sensitive is a big predictor of ptsd trauma. The same thing can happen to two people, and they'll be worlds apart in how they react. I think a big thing is coping skills, style etc. Not to throw my dad under the bus, but he didn't have any coping skills, tolerance or resilience to life in general. The things he taught me were just how he made it through, kind of what's passed down and I'll just say what it is - ignorant, tried and tested way of coping, a scared individual who just didn't think too much about life - but reacted in the most minimal, basest way.
It's an ugly reality but that's what many of our parents knew, what their parents knew; they just didn't think about this. They didn't what was the smartest ways to do things, abuse was accepted back then. It was a hard uninformed way of living.

All that we can do now is try to make and live our best lives, develop our own coping skills as necessary and to fix issues and problems that we see. Even if our parents couldn't.