How Much Do You Share With Your Partner/spouse?

[quaintpapercut]

I have always been a very private person, never sharing my thoughts or emotions with other people. I've had to share more as I'm off work right now and my partner is aware of my ptsd diagnosis and has done some reading of his own, but I never actually talk to him about the way things are affecting me. He knows about some of the symptoms, but I really try to keep it to the bare minimum. I think I may feel a little (unjustified) resentment towards him that he has to be witness to me sorting out very personal emotions and issues - in a way I feel like its none of his business.

I'm starting to remember a lot about my traumatic memories and some days I can do nothing but lay on the couch as my mind is in to much of a haze. I don't share this with him. Or that I spent the day terrified someone was going to break in the house and assault me. And sometimes I'm just mad at him for no good reason as I may be remembering past times that he's hurt me and I'm drudging up all of our ancient history as a means to place emotional distance between us.

We are fairly new in our relationship (just two years) and I'm having a difficult time navigating things within the relationship. I know a lot of the issue lies with me in a number of ways, but I guess the over riding feeling I have is that I have become "that" girl and I'm determined not to do so. Professionally I earned more and had a "respectable" career. Now I do puzzles during the day and sob intermittently :cautious:.

It's a tough time for both of us I know and we SHOULD be talking but I just find it so hard to let him in. Any advice?

 

[99Phoenix99]

Hi quaintpapercut,

I'm not sure if this helps or not but... when it comes to my PTSD I have a really difficult time talking about it. Physically I get choked up, start crying, get a migraine, and stress out. However I've noticed I've found it much easier to share my thoughts and feelings here online not because of the anonymity (though it does help) but because I don't have to actually talk. Typing and writing makes it easier for me to share.

It sounds like you really want to talk to him about it. Maybe you could write a letter to him?

You mentioned that he's been doing some of his own reading? Something I've been considering to do lately (but haven't found the courage to do yet) is to get a book on PTSD and highlight anything that resonates/relates to me and then when that's done simply hand it over to someone. Because discussing it makes me physically uncomfortable, but with this ... the book can say what I can't. And better yet I don't have to be there for them to know what I'm feeling or thinking. Neither would I feel the scrutiny of being there in person. I don't know if this could help you but it was just a thought.

I hope things work out and I wish you the best.

 

[rightkindofme]

I talk to my husband about my ptsd issues quite a bit. He's the only person I have to talk to and I have a powerful need to talk. I have been having a hard time landing with a good therapist. Of the last three (in the past ten years) one ODed on heroin (I liked her and saw her for seven years), one fired me for smoking pot to control my anxiety, and one had to quit for personal reasons but felt very bad about it. Now I'm on a waiting list.

So I talk to my husband. And I blog a lot.

 

[Chincho]

I share everything about my ptsd with my husband. He's my major supporter although sometimes it's really hard for him. I have a great therapist too so I guess I'm lucky.

 

[Privateer]

I try to share how I'm feeling, though my wife grew up in a war zone and is more than familiar with trauma, so I don't want to hurt her.

I don't really tell her much about the events themselves. She doesn't need that on top of her own stuff.