How much interaction is required to be "normal"?

[Deleted member 43454]

Nobodies hiding lady. I ain't hard to find or see.
An I don't know if you realize it or not but this world aint sunshine and rainbows lovey dovey all around. Maybe it is in your neck of the woods.
Love and connection doesn't need to be a social butterfly I can demonstrate love non verbally minding my own damn business.

 

[anonymous]

There have been tons of studies on how people with good social connections live longer and have better mental health. Strengthen relationships for longer, healthier life - Harvard Health

In fact, kids without emotionally responsive connections, even with all physical needs met, can die - it's called failure to thrive. With adults, it's clearly not the same... but I do think we are hard wired to connect with others.

I think it's key to evaluate not just one's desire for connection but also one's current level of health - physical and mental - when evaluating if the level of interaction is sufficient.

That's not to say, if someone ain't doing well they should therefore go out and increase interactions with people - because there is a point at which it can be too much. And it's really not quantity but quality of relationship and interaction that affects health so much. 500 social media friends/acquaintances doesn't nearly match the value of 5 solid be-there-for-you-in-a-crisis friends.

I'm an introvert, and I also avoid people and interaction because of PTSD. Avoidance in and of itself is a symptom of PTSD. There are days I connect with others because I see it like eating broccoli. I do it to try to boost my health, not because it's really enjoyable or easy. I'd like to say that I also do it because I want to give to others too - there's a lot of people who sometimes need a friend... I battle feeling like such a crap friend though... but that's a whole other topic...

 

[The Albatross]

A long time ago, elsewhere... somebody else said: "That's like asking what the bare minimum time you need to spend with your girlfriend before she leaves you for ignoring her. The answer is that you're asking the wrong question.

If you hate socializing with your friends or anyone else and you don't need to, then the correct time to spend is 0 hours/week. So, the real question is, "How do I want to live my life?"

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Hahah, I actually did ignore my last girl friend. But all she wanted to do was stay out after work on the military base looking for the next swinging dick drinking with her friends. Can't say I blame her, probably figured she'd find a White Knight in shining armor fresh outa boot. Over this cynical vet with brain trauma and ptsd. Plus sides to being single, I don't gotta waste money on women.

I like messing with scripts and shit on the computer for video games. Kinda like creating my own missions and modifications in a kind of way to teach myself a skill set to eventually learn to make an entire game. (Obviously not entirely on my own.) Or learning different aspects like customizing audio, seeing what area I enjoy and feel I could contribute the most in a sort of future project. If it wasn't for the computer I'd be in jail or dead by now, with out a doubt. I woulda probably joined a gang and went further down the wrong path I initially took.

I think part of my ability to spend copious amounts of time alone comes from different instances in my life.
I used to get grounded a lot and restricted to my room with nothing. Because I didn't care about school and wouldn't go to class. Plus I was very mischievous as are most kids. But I always pushed the limit.

So maybe all that time in my room grounded contributed to it. I know it sucked for me at the time as a kid. Being with out internet and computer was the greatest torture. In fact I think if my parents woulda allowed me the time to continue my interest in it I would be a developer or coder by now. But who's to say. I made all my choices they just tried to instill some discipline the best they knew how. Going into the military had its plus sides too.

But really I've always loved to immerse myself in creating things whether that be drawings or painting or video game editing and modifying custom missions. So it is what it is. Not everybody needs constant interaction.

 

[Butterflies2023]

Agree with SheCat. I was ALWAYS a loner. And when I wasn't alone I was Always having to do what others wanted. For me - the trauma made me very introverted - a person without a voice. Then after a 25 year terrible marriage but with four awesome kids who are all grown and five years of therapy just for ME!

I love being alone and doing all sorts of new things ALL BY MYSELF!
I get to come and go as I please... I get thru lines and where I want to be a lot faster. I get to stand in a room where ever I want too...I get to sit in a theater or play wherever I want too...

I love to be alone and I live alone when my youngest isn't moving back in between college semesters.

I do however wonder as I age if I would like company. Of the opposite sex. To grow old with.

But for now may I suggest ... do not pressure yourself ... if you are an introvert - why try to be an extrovert?
It's like trying to shove your foot in the wrong size .
Seems like we suffered enough and some of us are naturally hard on ourselves and pushing ourselves

Enjoy who you are. Again can't say enough about the therapy I had. I observe my sisters and friends and see how crazy they live and all the unnecessary stress and anxiety - racing here or there or trying to come up with excuses for not showing up for things....or feeling guilty because they over committed and have to cancel

 

[SpacemanSpiff]

@watundah

Cats are bad listeners but they are some of the best Zen teachers ever.

I cannot add to what's been written thus far rather I will say I also do alot of mind changing regarding coming or going. I used to be a big yes person to everyone regardless of how I felt but I'm slowly learning to say no. It's in my alone time when I can process things and either use or discard them. I believe it's healthy to be alone though Western culture says we need to be surrounded by people all the time. Don't believe the hype be yourself.