Other How my poker loses are related to my childhood trauma?

[nikcho1337]

Thank you for your response.
The reason why I think It could be PTSD is the intense feelings i get sometimes. Many of those "flashbacks" which I talk about, end with intense crying. After that, after that "release", I feel great. In the past I was feeling ashamed and angry because I didn't know what is wrong with me. I remembered everything when I got a crysis like that "I was keep saying to my self, what is wrong with me?". After reading those books, It feels more natural and atleast not beating myself up.

 

[Ronin]

Look, but many are abused, traumatized, and what not, at any point of their life...

Without developing the disorder.
It is not as simple and narrow road as to say trauma, means automatically PTSD.

What hurts is worth treating, one specific diagnosis may not just always be the best optics for treating it. Much like you treat a fever regardless if it is accompanying a common cold or chikungunya.

 

[Sideways]

You’re seriously underestimating what goes on in the brain amd body from gambling. You referred to cortisol, but actually there’s a whole range of chemical and hormonal things firing off inside our bodies when we gamble, changing as we win and lose.

In addition to the instability in your body that you’ve observed yourself, you have also identified that gambling is now causing you intrusive thoughts and serious levels of distress.

Looking everywhere other than “this is a gambling addiction” is a totally normal response. With gambling addiction. “It’s just how I make a living”? Sounds like a gambling addiction.

Gambling addiction is a mental health disorder, not just because people who have it ‘can’t stop themselves’, but because there’s a whole heap of mental and physiological issues going on for a person who has become addicted to gambling.

There’s a tonne of support out there for the disorder as well. Seriously, put down the PTSD textbooks and head to a GA group, contact a gambling addiction helpline, or speak to your physician about the symptoms you’re experiencing from it and how to get proper help.

Just because you might be good at it? Doesn’t mean you aren’t physiologically addicted to it.

 

[Justmehere]

The reason why I think It could be PTSD is the intense feelings i get sometimes. Many of those "flashbacks" which I talk about, end with intense crying. After that, after that "release", I feel great. In the past I was feeling ashamed and angry because I didn't know what is wrong with me.

It makes a lot of sense to feel relieved when finding a possible explaination for a confusing emotional experience that feels alarming.

You don’t have anything to be ashamed about, PTSD or not. Gambling may seem old hat to you, but it is actually a pretty intense experience for the brain, and you depend on it for your livelihood. Stock brokers, lawyers, and others in professions that take repeated financial risks can face mental health symptoms from the stress over time. Gambling is a pressure cooker. It could be that something else is stirred up too.
A lot of people feel great after a cathartic release, without PTSD. They have done studies on it and showed short term improvement with cathartic therapies for folks without PTSD. (The benefit doesn’t hold long term for some emotions.)

You have a legit stress reaction in an intense situation and you are getting help to sort it out. Nothing to feel ashamed about there. Nope. No reason to beat yourself up. Simply good cause to reach out.

You’ve done well. Keep up the good work.

 

[nikcho1337]

Thank you! That's very helpful information.

 

[joeylittle]

Just echoing this:

Looking everywhere other than “this is a gambling addiction” is a totally normal response. With gambling addiction. “It’s just how I make a living”? Sounds like a gambling addiction.

Gambling addiction is a mental health disorder, not just because people who have it ‘can’t stop themselves’, but because there’s a whole heap of mental and physiological issues going on for a person who has become addicted to gambling.

My bolding for emphasis.

It’s great that you are seeking help. Like others, I’d be surprised if this were PTSD - based on what you’ve told us - but right now, what’s more important is that you engage with your therapist, be willing to do the work in order to feel better. There’s a great book called Mind Over Mood - whether or not you end up finding the specific exercises in it useful, it will introduce you to the basics of how thought, emotion, and behavior interact. Useful stuff.

 

[nikcho1337]

Hey, I'd like to ask you what do you think of EMDR therapy? Has anyone here tried it?

 

[Kubash16]

EMDR might work for you, however I would urge you to seek out other avenues first. DO NOT DO A YOUTUBE VIDEO, please ?‍.

I’ve done it and ummm it was challenging to say the least (but I have a very long, very complicated, very deep trauma history).

The only people who are qualified to administer that type of therapy have gone through extensive extra schooling so they know how to guide you without causing long term issues. Most of them are going to want you in traditional therapy first to ensure you are stable enough. None of us on the forum can make that call for you.

But back to your actual question: I started it, did a bunch of safe place stuff and then some practice-ish sessions on nightmares I’ve had. Then we did one, yes only one, nitty gritty. My therapist didn’t like how I reacted so I can’t do it again until more stable. I became deeply suicidal, with a tremendous amount of transference with my therapist to the point he had to send me to a new therapist (hello more suicide). But that’s all because I have a really bad background.

If you don’t? You’ll probably get away with just a few sessions and be good to go. It’s worth giving it a shot. I would actually love to do it again.

 

[Nessa7]

Are you currently seeing and EMDR therapist? If you are, they should be trained in other forms of therapy. Also, it can be helpful for people with anxiety or an addiction. If you are not, I don't think you need to leave this therapist for a different one. You might be getting a little too ahead of yourself in considering EMDR. EMDR can be a pretty big time and energy committment, espescially since you don't even have a diagnosis yet. EMDR can be faster than other forms of therapy for people who have experienced some kinds of traumas, but it can also be very tiring and involve spending more time each week in therapy than other forms.

 

[nikcho1337]

No, my therapist is not EMDR therapist.
I connected to this EMDR therapist 1 week before my current one, but she didn't have available session hours in the next months, but I got an email that she has some open spots right now. She is a lot more experianced than my current one, although I enjoyed my 2nd session. But we mostly talked about my goals and how to be more concentrated in making/saving money.
I think I will try two session with this emdr therapist and see where it will go, because I need to go deep about my fears and insecurites.

But maybe I should talk with her the first hour and see what actually do I need? Because like you said, she is also trained in other forms of therapy also. I was strickly asking about EMDR because I thought I could have some deep forgotten trauma, but right now , after your all answers, I'm not so sure anymore.

 

[Kubash16]

Just be aware, those very first sessions should not include doing the actual EMDR yet. Simply feeling each other out, building rapport, building trust, her learning your history, etc. If she pushes you to do actual stuff right away, she is reckless and you should look elsewhere. There needs to be a good foundation of safety created before messing with that stuff.

 

[Fadeaway]

Can EMDR even be used for things outside of processing trauma.