How To Banish A Part (structural Dissociation)

[Deleted member 28403]

@shimmerz Well, you are in the right place to not be rejected :hug:

 

[KwanYingirl]

I'm struggling to understand this thread. Although I can identify with y'all. I'm in a state of transcendence wherein I am becoming the sum of my parts as opposed to having slayed many of them, but damn it wasn't permanent. The journey I am on with my Shaman is very metaphysical. I am taught to understand that there are other realities besides what we experience in this ordinary reality. Soul
Parts that have left or were banished are in these alternate realities awaiting return. Retrieving them has to be guided by a Shaman as most of them dwell in Middle world, a place I journeyed to by mistake and it was very eerie.

There is a big difference between what is our soul and what are our parts that we slice off due to the nature of our affliction. We are souls having a human experience. When they leave us after trauma it is to protect us from the pain.

So I am transcending for now my issues with banishing, killing off of, refusal to respond to certain parts, to focus on my rightful claim to my soul, intact and long lost. When the dust settles, I'll have to reexamine my relationships. I have one foot in Buddhism and one in Shamanism. Both exist to end suffering. I want to stop suffering. I have been suffering for my whole f*cking life. No more. I am sick of suffering. If I killed off wvery suffering piece of me there would be no me. There is no part of me that has not been tortured. It is not my fault. When I find my soul then I will call myself a survivor. But not until then.

 

[Chava]

Cared to what end? What does it matter now? I am free of her. She can go sit in a corner in the deepest, darkest corner of her mind because she is doing me NO good.

I have banished parts of myself, for sure. You cannot murder them. Even the idea of murdering a part implies that it is deep in there and will continue to operate and re-surface. Besides, the part of me that wants to murder other parts of myself is not even really ME, and is actually the "part" that needs to back off and let the real me have my reality. I'm working on a lot of integration stuff and letting all my shit be true. That's really f*cking messy!!!! But banishing causes too much pain and isn't working for me anymore. But to a point, banishing parts was absolutely helpful in the past...even let me survive, I'm sure.

Children don't care whether you care about them or not. They care about THEM and what is in it for them! That is all. And that becomes my distorted truth

This sounds backwards to me...like you can't care just because you genuinely care. If it does not feel reciprocated, or that you get that in return, the caring itself was meaningless? You can only care if you feel it validated on the other end, versus a true internal feeling that you own? I'm not sure I'm wording this right. But it sounds like a projection. I know you recognize that some distortion is involved, but can you look into that further? If a kid is being selfish or disinterested in your caring, why would that invalidate your feelings? I've loved a lot of selfish people and even assholes. I love my dad. He's an asshole. But I can still have my feelings. I care about him, but I'm not responsible for what he does, if he exudes care back, or if he f*cks up his life. I've largely separated from him, but I still care. That's the real ME. So, not sure if I'm interpreting any of it right, but it sounds like you allow other people's feelings, or lack of, (or your perception or projection of their feelings) to alter or cancel out your own, versus let yourself have and own your true feelings. ??

 

[shimmerz]

This sounds backwards to me...like you can't care just because you genuinely care.

I see what you are saying @Chava, and as always, really appreciate your input. Food for thought.

I had an 'episode' tonight that I am recovering from so can't quite think clearly. I will clarify tomorrow.... or once my head clears, whichever comes first.

 

[shimmerz]

If I killed off wvery suffering piece of me there would be no me.

This requires some real attention. It is profound. Again, I will need to clear my head before I respond. I greatly appreciate your taking the time to respond @KwanYingirl .

 

[Deleted member 28403]

The parts, they split because the pain surpassed the means of one to cope with it, so two were needed, or three, or four...

If I killed them, what if the pain, all that was taken, was fully remembered, the pain that 4 can barely handle, spread on 3, or even worse two. Or on me, the me alone.

I am not sure how handleable that would be for me

 

[Chava]

I'm pretty sure some of my banished parts and pieces became physical symptoms and now I don't know how to unbanish... so I know it's not always even a conscious thing at all.