How To Be Present With Yourself?

[DogwoodTree]

Unlike a lot of people from codependent families, I don't have any trouble at all being alone. The hard part is being around other people.

But a couple of weeks ago in one of my sessions, I realized that I don't really know how to be "present" with myself, rather than fantasizing about conversations with other people when I'm alone. So I came up with a list of some things I can do to be more present with myself, and I'm wondering if this concept rings a bell with anyone else?

Here are a couple of items from my list. What do you think, and what would you add?

-Don't blame other people for anything I feel, think, say, or do.
-Notice what I like and what I don't like.
-Occupy my space, both internally and externally.

 

[Rumors]

Yikes! I am afraid of being present with myself. Freaks me out. I like being alone, but I usually am thinking about other things like work, kids, etc. I never think about just me! Wow... Interesting thought. Let me know how it goes....

 

[Ronin]

- Smooth and gentle touch. & Repeating to myself I deserve that.
- Ditto comforting scents. Focusing on them.
- Lot of careful breath work. Whichever breathing necessary at the moment to stabilize me.

 

[oasis2003]

breathing, saying flash backs are just memories, and noticing three different things from different external cues e.g. I see .... I hear ... I feel ..... I also ground by pushing both feet on the ground. A mantra I am safe from harm. lots of self care.

 

[DogwoodTree]

A lot of these sound like good grounding techniques. What about, beyond grounding...how can you feel your own presence within yourself?

Not sure this makes any sense at all, but like...I can have a conversation with someone and not really connect with the fact that the person is a real person. It takes concentration to be "present" with that person in a way that I'm truly present in the conversation, not just on automatic pilot.

So...same thing on the inside, with myself. I can be having all kinds of thoughts all over the place, but it takes effort to be aware of my self-ness in the process. It's almost like...mindful thinking.

What things can you do that help you be more aware of the person that you are, not just the place where you are?

 

[Ronin]

It's almost like...mindful thinking.

There's your answer, or at least my answer to your question ;)

Mindfulness techniques.

And personally improving situational awareness, usually makes me feel like a person enough. I understand your disconnect, just my treatment of it with me is different; when I'm aware of my surroundings enough, I 'feel person' enough.

 

[DogwoodTree]

Mindfulness techniques.
And personally improving situational awareness, usually makes me feel like a person enough.

Yes, mindfulness helps a lot. It seems to help align the different "layers" of myself into one place. But it seems like there's something else, too. It's almost like, turning to face myself...not in the mirror, but on the inside.

I don't know...I'm not very good at it yet. It's more of a hit-or-miss kind of thing still...mostly miss. But there's really a sense of peace when I find that place. It's hard to explain.

 

[Ronin]

What things can you do that help you be more aware of the person that you are, not just the place where you are?

What about this: What sort of pressure can you go without? Assuming less chores = more time to feel in general, feel personhood in particular.

& Creativity? I feel darned mad alive when deeply immersed in creating something. Heck, I viewed the feel-good destroying as creating a new state of things.

 

[Changing4Best]

I rock myself, sometimes while I am sitting or even sometimes when I am laying down. I just noticed that I was doing this a minute ago.

 

[PreciousChild]

I've been meditating almost every day for several months now. When I miss a day, I end up getting angry at some point during the day. I don't think it's a coincidence. For me, meditation is like training for being mindful and present, just like exercise is training for the body.