How To Deal With Remembering Something You Wish You Had Not?!

[Lee2001]

Hello every one:) So being in therapy has allowed me to think on my past and unfortunately a new memory I had forgot. I really wish in a lot of ways I didn't remember this:( It is about my parents and now this feels like the last straw. I think I will be done with them due to this. I am going to talk in therapy about this I do believe... It could get my parents in trouble but I am to the point of not caring. I find myself wondering if this memory is really true, but considering the circumstances of how my parents were, it really does make sense. Still have that feeling of , oh it was just something you made up, type of feeling. Do you all have this experience with memories you remember? The self doubt, and making up excuses to it not being real? I feel guilty almost for remembering this.. Like I am betraying my parents. When it comes down to reality though they are a mess. Therapy has truly helped me to see them as they really are with an adult mind, and not seeing them as me needing them with my kid mind. I didn't realize I was still doing this in my thirties! Talk about a new perspective on life!

 

[ladee]

Try not to worry so much about whether or not they will get in trouble and use that energy to find your own truth.
After processing then you Will be more clear on consequences.
We grow up So confused about our own reality and truth. There are reasons the people around us invalidated our truth. It was them protecting themselves.
None of us want to remember. But it does get us healthier. We start to have some self esteem, courage we didn't know we possesed and start to become whole people. Not the scattered and fragmented scared people we started out as.
So sending healing energy to you to find your own truth.

 

[Intrepid]

Forgotten memories still have an impact. My life has been run by what I have forgotten, or tried to forget.

Don't be too hard on yourself about wanting to stay loyal to your parents, or about having true or new feelings about them. When new memories come up new feelings will follow, and old feelings will still feel right.

 

[Lee2001]

Try not to worry so much about whether or not they will get in trouble and use that energy to find your o...

Thank you! That puts this into more perspective for me. I haven't realized until now how much I still protect them. I like how you said once healing starts I will understand it all better.

 

[Lee2001]

Forgotten memories still have an impact. My life has been run by what I have forgotten, or tried to f...

I feel for you all on those hidden memories playing such a role in your lives. I get it now but feel better that others can help like you all and explaining your experiences. Can sure relate.

 

[PTSDisweird]

Hello every one:) So being in therapy has allowed me to think on my past and unfortunately a new memory...

Before saying anything, I would like to state that every case is different, every person is different, and different things work for each one of us. I will share some experiences and my opinions, and I hope you will get something out of it.

In my case, PTSD onset was in my mid teens, about events in my childhood. They were all suppressed memories and feelings, in a dark corner in my mind, doing my best to always have them on my back and never ever look at them. Think it this way. While I wasnt looking them, they were growing. They grew to the point I couldnt ignore them, no matter what. So, at that point came the onset of my PTSD, and in my opinion, the base of it was that single way of coping. The avoidance in the first place. It's not helping for me to say, but I truly believe that it's the truth. If I faced those things head on right in the beginning, with support and with freedom to express my feelings, they wouldnt be a problem later. They wouldnt cause these distressing, panic attack provoking memories, this constant turned-on nervous system, this constant anxiety, the anger issues etc. And till today, I "cope" with these memories with numbness about them. You would think so what? The issue is that if you numb a memory, the brain also numbs other memories and feelings, having difficulty feelings things, and difficulty remembering other things, like names for example. This is how the human brain (unfortunately) works.

What I want to say with all this tiring trivia about me is that it's good to "unlock" suppressed memories in your head. By working on them, you somehow set your brain free. Maybe they seem distressing, but with a proper therapist you can manage them and not have to avoid them and "regret" about them ever again. So your feelings are unlocked, and you dont fear that if you ever feel like this, certain things will flash in your mind and distress you. By freely remembering things and not fearing your own memory not to go into specific events in the past, you can live a more fulfilling life with the refreshing ability to feel.

These were some of my opinions. Avoiding memories damaged me big time. So I suggest you not to fear them. Its good to remember. Whats done is done, no matter if its good or bad. You cant undo it. So you have to come in terms with it, deal with it and go on, instead of storing it in the "do not enter" part of the brain. Hope I helped. :)

PS: I am not a trained mental health professional, what I said was my personal opinions and experiences, and some came from therapy, but most of them from my insight in my own psychological world.

 

[Rumors]

I'm kind of in the same place except I am in my 40's <roll eyes>.... I wish I had started in my 30's bc I might have it figured out by now. But, let me say that I think the guilt of hating my parents for some of the things they did to me feels less shameful today than even yesterday. I think hating them is just part of it. i have a lot to work through before I can feel differently about some things. My dad is still living but my mom is dead. I loved her very much but I also hate her for not being more healthy and taking better care of me. Its a dichotomy I don't quite understand yet....