How To Escape Your Nightmares

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Hello/ Good.. Morning, to those just waking up!

I had a brutal nightmare last night. Even though I'm awake now, and just starting my shift at work this morning I can not rid myself of this unnerving feeling. I feel distraught.

In my dream I killed certain parts of myself at the encouragement of my most brutal abuser. By the end of it I had killed most everything of myself. As I realized this in my dream I started to freak out, scared that I was going to be punished for also killing parts of myself that he liked. I thought he would punish me. I felt empty, after killing these parts of myself and I knew he would turn on me. Even though he encouraged me to do most of it. I was so scared to pay the price. I was hysterical in my dream. I cried myself awake. I woke up feeling empty like I had actually killed those parts of me. I felt dead. I felt drained in a cold sweat and breathing heavily.

I just needed to tell someone, anyone about my dream. I still feel scared.

I am trying to get my head back to reality but it felt so real in my dream when I stabbed myself multiple times. I was wondering, what works best for you guys to come back to reality and to escape your nightmare once you've woken up?

Thank you, for reading. Have an awesome day everyone!

 

[hodge]

Well, I think the best option is to avoid being haunted by those nightmares in the first place. Two meds I know of help this -- Prazosin and Clonidine. They are high blood pressure meds, but somehow help keep you from remembering your nightmares when you wake up. I mean, you really have to try to remember them when you wake up, which of course you wouldn't.

In the meantime, distraction, distraction, distraction. I hope your work helps toward that end. I know what you're going through. Try to do something fun after work.

 

[Ocean5]

Thanks for sharing. I think that's the important part. No need to go at this alone.

Normally I get-up, and stay-up. If I go back to sleep nightmares started again.... (sometimes I drink - just being honest and not advisable!!)

I've read good things about Prazosin, and was given once. But those were "complicated times" with other medicines and side effects. I plan to retry once I get Benzo out of my system.

There is this tea from Germany called "Traditional Medicinals - "Nighty Night." I've taken it during day to calm me. But lots of pharmaceutical grade herbs...so be careful if taking with other medicine.

If possible go for a long walk, or exercise. Reconnect your body with reality.

This won't work for everyone. But if possible when awaking try to put yourself in a "positive fantasy" in your mind (even if just 3-5 minutes to start). A safe, comfortable place to put yourself into. Let your mind create a safe space for you

Best wishes!

 

[Autumn76]

I listen to audio books with the volume up just loud enough that I have to really focus to hear them. You might not be able to do it at work but maybe you could before.

 

[falling_wave]

Definitely med and therapy are number one preventativly. Also no alcohol before bed as this makes it worse. I've found though if I have have even a delight touch of waking while I'm in a nightmare even if I can't stop it I can question it and change the ending I focus. It usually wakes me up because it's more effort and then I try to think about the ending I would have wanted.

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
This forum is really helping me.

Although I come here mostly in my worst times and it's usually hard for me to be honest because I'm scared of judgment. I have always received kind contructive advice.

My dream was really weird, it's def. not something I would tell to my friends or partner. Just because it's so well, gross in my opinion. But having said that, it was a huge relief to have it put into words than just in my head. I do try to write it out but it usually just becomes more stuck in my mind. Having it out here on the forum and having you guys respond to it made me feel heard and able to move on away from it.

I find sometimes it's hard to keep all of these things to myself, however I don't really have much of anyone that I can go to and be honest with.
I just want you to know I appreciate all of the advice and am truly thankful I joined this forum.

I hope to become more engaged in the community online as I feel more comfortable. But with me that's a slow process. Thank you for not making me feel weird or abnormal. I already feel like I'm a fake person hiding behind a mask of what's deemed acceptable in the real world. At least here, for at least this moment, I was able to be myself. My therapist says those are moment worth acknowledging and so that's what I'm doing.

Thank you for giving me the space to be me. And for the supportive advice.

 

[hodge]

Yes, Dragonfly-Dawn, here you can be yourself and be accepted because we are all in the same boat. I really only have my therapist, other than this forum, because my husband doesn't want to hear details and I don't want to burden him with them. Same with my best friends. Glad you're here:-).

 

[Ocean5]

@Dragonfly-Dawn
Same thing scared of judgement. But here I found I can be completely honest with no judgement. As Hodge said we are all in the same boat.

Be as open, and honest, as you need to be. Even if you just need to express yourself to people who will not judge you. If you allow - a *hug*

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Thank you @Ocean5.
I read your comment this morning, and I needed a hug. Another nightmare... Currently trying to not let it bother me. It's not real. It's not real.

 

[AnnaC]

Clonidine was a God-send for me!! I have been plagued with horrible nightmares since I was a child & since I have had ptsd my husband has had to wake me because I would be screaming & thrashing while having the nightmares. After my psychiatrist prescribed clonidine I immediately stopped remembering my dreams & did not scream & thrash any more. It is definitely worth a try .

 

[Birdy_2]

Hi Dragonfly Dawn,
One thing I've found helpful is 'talking to' my nightmares. Asking them what they're trying to tell me - that kind of thing.

Came to this conclusion myself - but then had it validated afterward for me by someone who's further along in his healing than I am - that all our symptoms aren't there to harm us - they're there to try to help us, and it's our job to work with them instead of struggling against them.

It's just that they aren't being very clear about it (other than communicating fear). It's like a big giant warning system, but it's speaking a foreign language it can be hard to decipher. We need to learn how to 'speak nightmare'.

My nightmares were very violent (and like yours, very 'odd'). The more I tried to suppress them, not feel them, exhaust myself so I could sleep, drug them into submission, etc... the more they escalated. At some point I realized that they were h*ll bent on telling me something, and I'd better try to understand what it was. Once I stopped fighting them, they immediately went away (at least for that cycle), but I've never again had them to that horrible disabling level I once did. I started to have all kinds of 'aha' experiences, and connecting things I'd never seen before. It wasn't a straightforward process though; the nightmares went away right away, and the aha moments came days (sometimes weeks) afterward. Usually the 'aha' had some component that connected to some detail from an earlier nightmare, that often made me go - 'hey, so that's what that was!' Took me a long time to trust that the worst nights were gone.

The downside, of course, is that what I started to put together were realizations it's almost impossible to voice - which is probably why they could only be expressed in nightmares. But somehow that process helped me start to get at least a few words for them, and I could start to see a path 'out', and also what had been blocked.

I've become aware of just how much of our 'conversations' about trauma are really about denying the reality and even existence of violence and degradation. Of the survivor having to 'hold in' their symptoms rather than anyone stepping up to stop violence - so the burden and cost remain solely on the survivor and no-one else. I've also become better at understanding how criminals and abusers think (which is not how victims think, btw). (And no, I'm not much fun at parties, if you were wondering!)

I stopped trying to figure out how much of my nightmares were actual memories, and started to understand them as representations of not only what happened to me, but what happened - and didn't happen - to me afterwards. I started to get more appreciation of the times and people who either stood by and did nothing, or who assuaged their discomfort by piling on. And started to come to the understanding that - for me - that did more of the damage than the trauma itself. I'm going on here, but all of this came out of me starting to listen to my nightmares.

It's years ago that I started doing that, and have never had nightmares to that level since. However, in the very recent past I'm now dealing more with depression (not really depression, but I don't have the words to describe it), which I'm pretty sure is just another bodily version of preventing me from expressing things in public which could harm me. Writing this has reminded me that I need to try to use the same technique again to start to move through this.

Not sure if this will make any sense, so will stop now!

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Thank you, that actually does make a lot of sense. I will try my best to start doing this. Sometimes the nightmares are just so vivid and degrading that it overwhelms me. I do feel like they are trying to 'speak' to me though.