Relationship How To Get Diagnosis

[joeylittle]

@Mrs Allen - the DSM guidelines are not a checklist.

Frankly, I'm glad you never completed your credit hours towards counseling licensure, because your understandings of both mental illness diagnosis and boundaries are pretty off.

You briefly mentioned you were diagnosed Borderline PD - is that correct? Have you examined how much of your current reactions truly are related to your own issues?

My advice is to stop insisting you are capable of diagnosing your spouse - which is a thing that no qualified mental health practitioner would do, by the way - and focus on getting yourself some increased support/coping tools for continuing to stay in the marriage - or, if you're really 'done', as you said, then start transitioning away.

 

[Mrs Allen]

@Mrs Allen - the DSM guidelines are not a checklist.

Frankly, I'm glad you nev...

Thank you SO much Joey for finding comfort in my failure! Thankfully, YOUR opinion of me means nothing, since youre nothing but someone behind a screen somewhere. I expected to be completely misunderstood in my intentions, concerns, and reasons for being here by someone, however not someone with "admin" as their title.


To the rest of you, thank you SO much for all of your truthful, enlightening, kind words. You've helped me greatly (kindly) in realizing a lot that I needed to, and most importantly how hard it can be to get a diagnosis of ptsd. Knowing this, along with everyone's encouraging and concerned words has really helped me to establish better boundaries for myself and my kids (as I had mentioned, he has already improved a lot in just he short time in therapy, and that has given me hope... the way that he treats us now is a lot different. He is trying to understand and show emotions, empathy, be more present mentally and caring.) As well as respecting boundaries that he sets for me. However that is a little different of a dynamic there. He has me as overseer of his medical issues, Dr visits, disability process, etc, and so me stepping back in this particular area, when he has "needed" and expected me to step up in other areas, has proven difficult. Especially since I care that he gets proper treatment. As anyone would. He's been thru therapy a couple of times and just quit going all together because of the fact that the therapist was not "getting him" so I just hope this one does. Thank you all again. Those who truly cared and had kind things to say. It has meant a lot and helped more than you know.

 

[Riot]

@Mrs Allen, while I can understand the defensiveness in your last response, it appears that throughout this thread you've made some insistent statements about the diagnosis of your husband based on your understanding of the DSM. Some have tried to point out that it's not as simple as text written in a guide, but rather trained (and yes, credited) professional witnessing certain symptoms in action after they have eliminated other possibilities first.

The weird thing about a diagnosis is that really it's just a label to describe a certain set of symptoms and facts, and as stated before, there are several trauma related subcategories. Even PTSD itself has multiple definitions depending on the situation. We could call PTSD something like bloobityblorp and it'd mean the same thing if we applied those symptoms to it. The good news is, that as long as it's trauma related (and it sounds like it is) it doesn't matter what label gets applied, as long as he finds a proper therapist that is qualified and he connects with. So try to be patient with yourself, and maybe try to encourage him to have some patience while finding that magical combination. Some of us here still haven't found the right therapist and approach. Sadly, that's the nature of this disorder.

From what I've witnessed in the responses to your thread, nobody ever claimed you were wrong, but rather the responses and people were trying to encourage you to understand the process steps that are considered before a diagnosis is carved in stone.

As for @joeylittle's response, was it harsh? Perhaps a little bit. Regardless, I thought I'd point out to you that if you're here looking for information from those of us that have been through it, or to be an active supporter for your husband, that you might want to try and see the information for what it is rather than being indignant in how it was delivered. I'm not excusing hostility and bluntness for anything, but they're certainly very strong symptoms in a good portion of people with PTSD, and something you're likely going to have to deal with no matter where you go. At least at some point or another.

On a personal note, I've got my stress levels raised here a few times, but the outcome has always resulted in growth and development for me. The staff (and oodles of the members here) give their time and effort freely, and there are multitudes of diverse experiences here.


Be safe, and good luck.

 

[anthony]

We are fully open to the fact that it's not. But this therapist seems completely closed minded to the fact that it could be. And I did call yesterday to see if she is trama diagnosis trained. She is. So now what.... just give it time?

You say you're open minded, and the therapist is closed minded, yet it is you who is trying to push PTSD as a diagnosis, which means you're not open minded at all, and you have decided it is PTSD when a trained and qualified trauma therapist disagrees. The checklist to take into your therapist means nothing, and you're honestly putting far more weight in it than it deserves.

Yes, your husband is doing great by looking at prospective avenues, filling out tests and such, and even taking it into the therapist, BUT (notice the big letters), you cannot diagnose PTSD just because you have had trauma in your life and you ticked and flicked the symptom checklist.

You should read: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/ptsd-diagnosis.87466/ which I wrote based from the DSM V, and as you read all the surrounding factors on that page, you will understand the requirements are anything but simple, and that self-diagnosis just is not an option.

You need to trust your therapist. If you want a second opinion, he should see another trauma therapist for such, or psychiatrist. If you have two qualified persons telling you it isn't PTSD, you need to believe them and that anything related that you suspect, is your bias and not the qualified physicians.

 

[Justmehere]

He has me as overseer of his medical issues, Dr visits, disability process, etc, and so me stepping back in this particular area, when he has "needed" and expected me to step up in other areas, has proven difficult.

You have been writing about bailing on the marriage entirely. It's probably not the best thing that you are an overseer of his medical issues and does help explain some of your burn out and why it's so hard to now be shut out of this one area. However, it does seem like you have been involved more in all of his care in the past, and where has it left you? You have done a lot of work in managing his medical health area, and with you managing his mental health in the past, he has quit the past therapists.

This time, he wants space to do the work to improve his behavior and mental health, and I think this is a good thing, because it's becoming HIS thing.

*The only way he is going to get better is if he takes responsibility for his recovery.*

This means that he will take that responsibility from you. Are you ready to give back the responsibility for his recovery to him?

Based on how burned out you are, in addition to his expression of his boundaries, it is time to put less effort into taking care of him, and redirect all those efforts into taking care of YOU and your kids first. It may be hard to trust him and the therapist to do this right, especially after so many bad experiences with his medical health, and his past history. It doesn't seem like you have another option though, and it seems like it's time to let go and let him step it up, as he is starting to do. Otherwise, you risk burning yourself out so much there's nothing left for him, the marriage, yourself, and your kids too.

Thankfully, YOUR opinion of me means nothing, since youre nothing but someone behind a screen somewhere. I expected to be completely misunderstood in my intentions, concerns, and reasons for being here by someone, however not someone with "admin" as their title.

Angrily diminishing the value of another person, instead of simply respectfully disagreeing, shows a lack of empathy and hurtful defensiveness on your part. Insulting someone while also thanking people is also a bit of a push pull kind of action, and it seems like yet another sign that you are super burned out. It's time for you to take care of what you need and your own struggle to deal with these real challenges you are facing, and spend less on trying to fix him and manage his mental healthcare.

You also express you expect to be misunderstood online. Why? Some misunderstandings do occur online, even when people have great intentions, because there is more to communication than words on a screen. Similarly, there is more to the way a person presents than boxes checked on a quiz.

I can understand the defensiveness in your last response, it appears that throughout this thread you've made some insistent statements about the diagnosis of your husband based on your understanding of the DSM.

I also am not sure you understand the DSM fully. That quiz doesn't actually follow the DSM entirely, and is missing important things in the DSM, and includes other things not in the DSM. All the symptoms you checked yes for your husband, absolutely do not rule out other possible diagnoses. It's a great screening tool, but as it says on the quiz itself, it's important to take in to a health care professional. They put that on the quiz so the health care professional can dive more deeply into all the issues.

And you get to go back to taking care of you.