General How To Give And Receive Support

[anthony]

I thought I would go check out the drphil.com website, considering he is one person I actually do like because he has thrown out his theoretical bible of doctorate knowledge and instead uses his education with commonsense to get real solutions and workable outcomes. I found this piece to be interesting regarding supporting others.

Developing a Support System

• You have to be willing to ask for help. It doesn't make you weak; it's okay to let people give you what they can.
• Be open and honest about what you need.
• The benefit of a support system is that your whole network won't be down on the same day. When you really need support, someone will be there.
• Expect ups and downs over the following months, but trust that the pain will gradually lessen.

Giving Support to a Grieving Friend

• Be available.
• Remember that your friend is in a very different place emotionally.
• If you're not sure what to say or do, just ask. Say, "Do you feel like talking about this right now?" If they do, be there for them.
• If they don't want to discuss their heartache, don't press the issue. Let them know that you are there for them regardless.
• Don't treat your friend like an invalid. Encourage him or her to get out and get busy doing day-to-day activities.
• Be supportive, but not smothering.
• Recognize that you may need your own support system. Sometimes you can give support, and other times you'll need to receive it. Don't expect yourself to always be the leader.
• Watch out for a shift into depression. If you see your friend withdrawing into an emotional fetal position, it's time to intervene.

Source: Drphil.com

 

[Brontie]

A good reminder.
I like it.

Thanks

 

[Redheaded Stranger]

• Watch out for a shift into depression. If you see your friend withdrawing into an emotional fetal position, it's time to intervene.

I like this but the last line really caught my attention. It just says it is time to intervene but doesn't say how. Does anyone know? What do we do as carers when we see our SO spiraling into depression? Is there a way to help without making it worse? Is it best to let it run its course? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks

 

[jewel]

Hi Red-

I am a sufferer. I can tell you that when I was spiraling there was nothing that anyone could do to pull me back. I needed to fall as far as I could and be alone until I found inner strength to help myself. Through it all I heard everyone but was not accepting or necessarily responsive to it. Now that I am feeling better I recognize that others were there but unable to help me because I would not allow it.

Just be there in a gentle and loving way. It's okay to be firm, not angry and let the person know you have boundaries. Take care of yourself too! That is very important. I hope this helped a little.

 

[winedaisy]

Those are great pointers. I have a close friend that has been opening up and talking about his nightmares a little and all I can do is listen. Even though I may not understand the traumas of combat, I can only empathize. I have been wishing there were more I can do but am glad that it seems I am doing the most that I can right now by just being there for them the best that I can.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think that's a lot, daisy.

Also you are kind/ not critical, he is very lucky.

 

[winedaisy]

Thank you Junebug. That means a lot to me.

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