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How To Help and How Not To Help?

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I would be delighted to read what all of you as persons with PTSD want from those close to you - your spouse, family, friends and co-workers. What are the things you really wish they would do, that would make you feel more happy and comfortable? What are some things you don't want, that irritate and distress you?
I think there are different expectation for each category of people you had listed. It also probably varief for each person.
For me, I want my spouse to be caring and supportive, but not invasive: i mean, sometimes I do not want to see anyone around but my animals, and I expect my partner to understand this and not to take it personally. I also expect him to understand that I am not happy with my condition, and am taking efforts to fight over it, thus, I want him be on my side, not on my trouble's side. From me, I am trying to function as a caring, understanding, and supportive wife for him.
I want my immediate family, namely my mother and step-kids, just ask as few questions as possible, and do not ask about my feelings or my inner world. I just never answer such questions. I also expect them not to load me with their emotions and feelings, since, as it is easy to realize, I feel and express my feelings differently. From my side, I do not load them with my stuff, keeping it for myself and for people who understand.
From my co-workers, I expect to be treated first as a qualified professional, which I am, and respect me, just as I respect them. I also want tem to understand that although I jump funny if scared, this is not a reason to harrass me, since this is not fair to harass any person.
 
Jim and Kathy:

Thank you. I'm very glad to have Evie as a freind myself and honored. This forum has provided me with opportunities for freindships that I didn't even think were possible. I'm so grateful to Anthony for that.

Yes Jim I am very proud of myself. I've never met another street kid that did get off the streets by themselves and managed to straighten up. Most of my old streets freinds are dead...so i'm also very lucky to boot.

Fostering children is such a tough job. I was in the system myself. I am a typical story.. where the foster homes were as bad as my family, I would take off as soon as I could. I had one great foster family. I'm still very close to them and love them to pieces. However when I was in care, I couldn't stay there. took me years to understand why. By the time I was sent there, I was very screwed up.. chances of me trusting "good and normal" people were slim to none. I didn't know how to interact with them and I couldn't trust them. So I would run away, repeatedly. I was sent there too late.. mind you with what I was raised with.. too late might have been birth! LOL

Anyways.. you should both be very proud of yourselves. Just from the way you two are on here.. i would lay money on you having been great foster parents.. and those are rare. Caring enough to open your home and hearts to us "f'k ups" is huge.

BTW: anyone with PTSD who hasn't completly healed and learned to control thier symptoms.. that says thier moods are predictable.. I would call a liar to thier face. All of us have unpredicatable moods.. from one second to the next.

bec
 
Ditto to what Bec said... Especially the chance to make friends. It is nice making friends again but this time when you zone out for a few days or a week and are not the best friend you can be by normal standards the people here understand it and go through it too so instead of a guilt trip you are more likely to get "hey I understand". I know that was beyond a sentence I wrote but I am a bit spacey today :) Evie is a wonderful friend to have. And I am proud to call her my friend.
 
Fostering children is such a tough job. I was in the system myself. I am a typical story.. where the foster homes were as bad as my family, I would take off as soon as I could. I had one great foster family. I'm still very close to them and love them to pieces.

Delighted you had the one good home bec, and are close with those folks. You are indeed luckier than your friends. Had 2 sad experiences with our kids, one boy committed suicide soon after his emancipation, another who had been a member of Indian Posse was murdered. Most of the rest keep in touch with us, even visit sometimes. Always pleased to have them.

becvan said:
Caring enough to open your home and hearts to us "f'k ups" is huge.

Now, now, I don't let Evie say that about herself, don't you start now! ;-)

veiled said:
Evie is a wonderful friend to have. And I am proud to call her my friend.

Glad to know it veiled, and grateful you consider Evie a friend. She needs friends.

Jim.
 
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