Lillady,
I wrote about this a bit on another thread....it's not that he doesn't care, he just "can't" right now. Most of these military guys are VERY caring - who else would risk their life for their country? I would for my children, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around that.....I've even heard my guy say that he would lay his life down for his students. I believe these guys care too much sometimes and shut down because they are overwhelmed with the amount of guilt they feel for what they saw and what they did over there.
So...in a rambling way, what I am trying to say is that he DOES care for you. Love and care are not turned off and on like a faucet. Military guys are trained to push down their feelings in order to do their job. Then after the job is over and they are home - everything just comes at them. All those feelings they supressed, all the new feelings from loved ones and friends, the stress of civilian life, etc. It all gets over-whelming with PTSD in the mix.
On the other hand, there is no timeframe as to when you will get "your" guy back - the one you know and love. My love and I broke up for 2 years with no contact at all - we both had moved on. When we ran into each other a couple years ago all of those feelings were still there, AND we were both better equiped to handle our relationship. (he now calls that time "our break" :D)
I still say follow your gut. But if you do decide to date others - clearly and cleanly break up with your guy. Trust is a huge deal in any relationship, but I believe someone with PTSD requires a "super trust"...so show him you are trustworthy. That way if there ever came a time that you ran into one another again and all those feelings were still there - the trust thing wouldn't be an issue. :) (my 2 cents - for what it's worth)
I wrote about this a bit on another thread....it's not that he doesn't care, he just "can't" right now. Most of these military guys are VERY caring - who else would risk their life for their country? I would for my children, but I have a hard time wrapping my head around that.....I've even heard my guy say that he would lay his life down for his students. I believe these guys care too much sometimes and shut down because they are overwhelmed with the amount of guilt they feel for what they saw and what they did over there.
So...in a rambling way, what I am trying to say is that he DOES care for you. Love and care are not turned off and on like a faucet. Military guys are trained to push down their feelings in order to do their job. Then after the job is over and they are home - everything just comes at them. All those feelings they supressed, all the new feelings from loved ones and friends, the stress of civilian life, etc. It all gets over-whelming with PTSD in the mix.
On the other hand, there is no timeframe as to when you will get "your" guy back - the one you know and love. My love and I broke up for 2 years with no contact at all - we both had moved on. When we ran into each other a couple years ago all of those feelings were still there, AND we were both better equiped to handle our relationship. (he now calls that time "our break" :D)
I still say follow your gut. But if you do decide to date others - clearly and cleanly break up with your guy. Trust is a huge deal in any relationship, but I believe someone with PTSD requires a "super trust"...so show him you are trustworthy. That way if there ever came a time that you ran into one another again and all those feelings were still there - the trust thing wouldn't be an issue. :) (my 2 cents - for what it's worth)
