Oh @
aj1 , you have great depth and I think you have hit a huge nail on the head. Just my description only, but having ptsd seems to bring along with it for the sufferer a great and almost impossible desire for 'closure'- closure from the ptsd, from the thoughts and fears and reactions. Often, relationship-wise, I did not 'need' closure (and I did awful things- just left people without a word or contact ever again). Or I had closure, or numbness, or fear, or self-rejection, it seemed better for everyone, or I just 'did' it. I needed closure from the fear and pressure, perhaps even what the relationship (if good) suggested: trust, intimacy, being loved. PTSD is very much like a 3rd person in relationships, that a 'sufferer' (speaking for myself) is trying to get closure from.
It's somewhat better as I struggle against it, but I don't know if I could ever entirely overcome it. Not on my own.
Apart from the obvious- getting out of denial, therapy, trying to overcome it, tryiing to overcome toxic shame or self-hatred (etc), even on a good and 'practical' day, questions or fears can arise. How can you give to a partner what they need, if you might have intimacy issues, trust issues, scars (in and out)? Simple things, like knowing a good event might exhaust you for 2 or 3 days. Or how does one sleep (I mean literally) with a partner when you fear night terrors, night sweats, etc? (Perhaps these are things women think about more). I think that no one is looking specifically for those challenges in a partner. The 'baby steps' are so small, such as trust, being even able to 'remember' the good things. Most people would have 2 kids in the time it might take some sufferers to really begin to trust. :( I am sure life could be easier for you with someone without this. Not perfect perhaps, but easier.
I think you never re-open (in a negative way) old wounds by giving love or forgiveness. But you deserve love too, and there are easier options in life than bearing with or battling ptsd.
But, I have learned as I get much older, there are very few decisions that can be understood from the outside. Sometimes people's hearts have to guide them. Some relationships here have succeeded because it seems the partner would not give up, or could accept such bad with the good (not bad behaviour but ptsd-influenced realities). But I still am sure the supporters must have had some terribly heart-breaking and challenging times. And many sufferers say they wish their SO could have more than they can give.
Best wishes.
