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MyPTSD Pro
Living with my mom as a grown adult purely for financial reasons.
She’s hard to live with in general but specifically for me because she’s been a major player in my memories of being raped as a child.
I’ve been able to ignore it and tell myself that my mind is playing tricks on me... there’s no way my own MOTHER could of done this.
But lately, past few months, I can’t fight it anymore. So filled with anger towards her. Was in my room all day today. Just left it to go outside for a smoke & she asked if I can help her with something. I said no... not in the nicest way.
I walked out as quick as I could because my brain felt like it was going to crack open with bad memories. I was (still am) squinting my eyes as though I have a bad headache because it feels like the only way to protect myself.
I don’t even know what I’m protecting myself from but I know it’s bad.
Stomach’s in complete knots too.
And I can’t tell her, right??? Because it’ll hurt her, possibly physically as she has a heart condition. And she’ll just deny deny deny. Which will make me feel crappier. I think
How do I live with this constantly in my face??
She’s hard to live with in general but specifically for me because she’s been a major player in my memories of being raped as a child.
I’ve been able to ignore it and tell myself that my mind is playing tricks on me... there’s no way my own MOTHER could of done this.
But lately, past few months, I can’t fight it anymore. So filled with anger towards her. Was in my room all day today. Just left it to go outside for a smoke & she asked if I can help her with something. I said no... not in the nicest way.
I walked out as quick as I could because my brain felt like it was going to crack open with bad memories. I was (still am) squinting my eyes as though I have a bad headache because it feels like the only way to protect myself.
I don’t even know what I’m protecting myself from but I know it’s bad.
Stomach’s in complete knots too.
And I can’t tell her, right??? Because it’ll hurt her, possibly physically as she has a heart condition. And she’ll just deny deny deny. Which will make me feel crappier. I think
How do I live with this constantly in my face??