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How To Not Look Vulnerable
- Post starter OKRADLAK
- Start date
- Status
Wow, sign me up for a tank too.
Then again, of all of the material things in the world (or fantasy world) that I would like to own, it would be Harry Potter's invisibility cloak!! Mmmm, I think that would make me happy and would indulge my most enduring and powerful fantasy... to have nobody see me, ever, for any reason.
However, given that Harry's not likely to lendit to me any time soon, I try for many of the strategies of posture, appearance, interpersonal manner and, ultimately, discretion, that others have mentioned. There was a long time in my life when I didn't even have to try. The "mask" was foolproof, watertight and so thick and stable that even I didn't know who or what was underneath it. I was also known as the "ice queen" or "cold bitch", and this was in a work environment in which we see the worst of the worst and most people have a skin many degrees thicker than the majority of society.
Those days seem a long way away now. Thesedays I have to work very hard to cover over the horribel vulnerability that I sometimes feel is like a neon sign pinned to my forehead.
Ideally, I agree with what Okradlak said about wanting to not appear vulnerable, yet not wanting to appear as harsh either. I know people who somehow find that elusive balance - confident, self contained yet empathic and sensitive, and while I strive hard for this, I know I fall from one side of the line to the other and almost never manage to walk it.
It's frightening to realise how much energy and effort I dedicate to just trying to manage my way through the interpersonal and social maize of life. Sometimes it's just too exhausting.
Maddog
Then again, of all of the material things in the world (or fantasy world) that I would like to own, it would be Harry Potter's invisibility cloak!! Mmmm, I think that would make me happy and would indulge my most enduring and powerful fantasy... to have nobody see me, ever, for any reason.
However, given that Harry's not likely to lendit to me any time soon, I try for many of the strategies of posture, appearance, interpersonal manner and, ultimately, discretion, that others have mentioned. There was a long time in my life when I didn't even have to try. The "mask" was foolproof, watertight and so thick and stable that even I didn't know who or what was underneath it. I was also known as the "ice queen" or "cold bitch", and this was in a work environment in which we see the worst of the worst and most people have a skin many degrees thicker than the majority of society.
Those days seem a long way away now. Thesedays I have to work very hard to cover over the horribel vulnerability that I sometimes feel is like a neon sign pinned to my forehead.
Ideally, I agree with what Okradlak said about wanting to not appear vulnerable, yet not wanting to appear as harsh either. I know people who somehow find that elusive balance - confident, self contained yet empathic and sensitive, and while I strive hard for this, I know I fall from one side of the line to the other and almost never manage to walk it.
It's frightening to realise how much energy and effort I dedicate to just trying to manage my way through the interpersonal and social maize of life. Sometimes it's just too exhausting.
Maddog
shadowchaser
Platinum Member
I always found a large dog to work well. Especially
when it smiles. See puppy wants a hug!
when it smiles. See puppy wants a hug!
lifeguard17
Bronze Member
I let myself get a little bit angry, think f*** you, you don't know me. Headphones in means people don't bother you, and if the music has a beat and gets you going that works even better! Ask questions, all the time. If anyone asks how I am, I say, yeah I'm good thanks, you? Hows your dad, is he still in France? Get the conversation onto them. It's okay to drift off and not listen, as long as they never know!
Remember what people tell you, you look like the nicest person on the planet without a care in the world. When I'm on a course, stuck with strangers in an intense learning situation with no escape, I get a kick out of seeing how little I can talk about myself. Introduce yourself with a smile, then ask a question, then another, and another, until the other person is onto a topic they know really well and love to talk about. At the end of the last course I did, one girl said I was the most interesting person she had ever met. She knew my first name, and where I go to university. I knew her childhood pets names, her boyfriend's annoying habits, all the stupid irrelevant stuff people want to share but never do.
Smile. Talk with a smile to everyone, joke about workloads, stupid things you've done. If you are always telling stories about how you did this, tripped over that, said this really embarrassing thing, people don't realise you aren't saying the important stuff you save for your friends.
Remember what people tell you, you look like the nicest person on the planet without a care in the world. When I'm on a course, stuck with strangers in an intense learning situation with no escape, I get a kick out of seeing how little I can talk about myself. Introduce yourself with a smile, then ask a question, then another, and another, until the other person is onto a topic they know really well and love to talk about. At the end of the last course I did, one girl said I was the most interesting person she had ever met. She knew my first name, and where I go to university. I knew her childhood pets names, her boyfriend's annoying habits, all the stupid irrelevant stuff people want to share but never do.
Smile. Talk with a smile to everyone, joke about workloads, stupid things you've done. If you are always telling stories about how you did this, tripped over that, said this really embarrassing thing, people don't realise you aren't saying the important stuff you save for your friends.
lifeguard17
Bronze Member
Haha, yeah i'm a strategist, only way I can survive! I'm a drama student, I'm surrounded by the vainest people everyday who are scarily perceptive! If you flatter them, they stop asking questions. I feel like I'm acting all the time, I'm playing the part of me: before, keep smiling and joking or they'll realise something's wrong.
I'm like this, though I get told I am "combative" and "like conflict" for being this way. I don't like conflict at all, but I do recognise that it is a part of life, which I think many people don't want to admit so they can remain passive and wus out.
Oberons Wife
Silver Member
I wanna tank
- Status
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