How to take a break with a therapist without it being a final end?

[Justmehere]

She laughed when I said I reviewed a triggering news story about child rape, and “it messed with my head.” I was struggling to speak every word. It hurt so much to say even that. She laughed, and said, “I’ll bet. How did it mess with your head?” Then at one point when the story was super like my experience, and talked about a graphic and mind twisting part of it, another set of giggles.

I started getting numb, and she chuckled and said, “gee I wonder why coming to therapy makes you numb.”

Then I was talking about grief, in tears, and my dog moved her leg in her sleep and she giggled about it.


The problem with a break is that I’m really not doing well so I think I need to try to ask what needs to happen so things change before I stop going.

 

[MyWillow]

I’m so sorry @Justmehere that is so inappropriate of her on each and every level. It would be unacceptable in my book. In my humble opinion she needs to get some supervision on this. It’s your right to ask for change. It’s her responsibility to MAKE the change.

 

[scout86]

think I need to try to ask what needs to happen so things change before I stop going

If we're taking a vote, I vote for that. It makes excellent sense. I can see how approaching it from that angle might help a light come on in her brain.

 

[VioletButterfly]

@Justmehere - I've been reading your threads about this therapeutic relationship for a while now, and have been concerned for you and prayed for you. From what you've shared, it hasn't seemed healthy for you a lot of times. You know yourself and the therapeutic relationship the best, but something seems off to me. That could be the result of my glasses which are colored by my experiences.

Since you've noted that you feel you need the support of a T and options in your area aren't the greatest, I think @MyWillow has offered the best next step. Just my feeling on that though as your gut knows best. If you go this route, at least you will have given your T the option to do the right thing by you. If she doesn't, then you have your answer as to what you need to do for yourself and your recovery.

I'm just wondering if there are any nontraditional sources of support in your area? I know you used to go to church; is this something you'd find supportive again? Maybe a different church? Local interest groups where you could build a wee bit of community? I'm not sure what your needs are, so you would know best what would work for you and what is available. Are there strong coping mechanisms you are familiar/comfortable with that you can employ on a regular basis to provide yourself with some structure and grounding?

Is it possible that you could spend a few minutes each week or so just touching base with your doctor or your psychiatrist? I'm not sure about insurance and/or finances, but I did this when I had insurance and my life was falling apart, and therapists were doing much more harm than good. I stopped therapy as it was abusive at that time. It was good to be able to go in and spend 20 or 30 minutes with my doctor who knew me and cared about me each week. This kept me going and kept me kind of track with my acting out behaviors. Just an option I thought I'd put out there in case it might work for you. Not intense therapy, just checking in, being heard and seen, being accountable, and not being/feeling all alone.

That was a very scary, volatile time for me. Continuing to live was always in question as I was out of control. I am very grateful to my doctor for stepping in. I hope that if you decide to terminate therapy with your T, you can find something/someone to provide you with a bit of structure and to serve as a real-time touchstone if even just for an ear, a shoulder, and/or a hug. Please take care of yourself. VB

 

[Justmehere]

Thank you for the prayers and suggestions. I can use all the prayer I can get. You have good ideas! But many of these ideas are not working out in my life atm.

I have more commitments and more on my schedule than I am keeping up with. I really don’t have free hours on my schedule to add more events and commitments. There are more people than I can count who are very annoyed I’m not keeping up with current commitments. My current church is wonderful with physical needs - they’ll be honest they need to grow when it comes to other support. There isn’t other options for me around here.

My therapist says the one thing missing is dating again. She’s half right. What’s missing is any partner or that kind of relationship. But when I can’t even afford a car... and so many other issues keep happening... like mental stability going wonky.... dating is difficult.

I have plenty of people in my life. They are unable to provide support regarding PTSD. I tried. It goes just fine as long as I’m the happy or ordinary me. It works just fine. PTSD riddled me isn’t someone that people can hack. I don’t know what I’d do if it wasn’t for the support on this forum. Ya’ll have been a lifeline that I’m grateful for beyond words.

A new therapist has not yet worked out. I have pursued that for some time. I won’t bore you with all the details. It’s been adamantly pursued, and has even lead to a court battle with insurance.

All good ideas. All not working out in my life at this time. The heart of it, I run into a lack of empathy and a lack people taking me seriously elsewhere in the profession. I don’t get it. My therapist says I act too calmly and competently. Also. I’m not stable enough. Yeah ok.

I’ve given up trying to solve it. I can’t keep trying to fix it or analyze it. What I’ve realized through this thread is that I need to put it on the profession, on my therapist, to tell me what needs to happen so things change. It’s her freaking job to do that. Literal. Actual. Job.

 

[Teasel]

It’s her freaking job to do that. Literal. Actual. Job.

Spot on!

 

[Abstract]

’ve given up trying to solve it. I can’t keep trying to fix it or analyze it. What I’ve realized through this thread is that I need to put it on the profession, on my therapist, to tell me what needs to happen so things change. It’s her freaking job to do that. Literal. Actual. Job.

Yes it is!!! What is happening is not your responsibility or your fault. Other professionals behaviour is also not your fault. That ability to still communicate and be partially functional when all is crumbling is in fact a skill and a resilience. Professionals should be better educated and skilled to deal with this. It is their job. And especially since you are practically spoon feeding them what they need to do. Really if there is transference, counter-transference projective identification, her own bad stuff or what-freaking-ever is happening it is their responsibility to deal with it.

I hope you manage to send that email to her. You need to hold her accountable. Its not as if you have not tried to communicate this to her or not shared your feelings.

I am concerned this is damaging you. I hope you can step out of therapy for a couple of weeks or so as I think space can clarify a lot in these situations.

One situation for me where I was doubting myself and battling with the why how and how to change things was truly helped by me taking a short break. I didnt have any other help and I was in crisis at the time but in truth for me in this situation being in that therapy was making it worse. 2 or 3 weeks out helped clarify so much and it was a real relief. Different people situations and therapists of course.

Maybe you could take 2 weeks and be booked in for thereafter. That means you don't risk being stuck in a no support and no options situation.

And a little last note: how dare she laugh in response to that. Honestly. It is so out of order and she should be ashamed of herself. I don't care why what or any other thing. You deserve to be heard in a safe, compassionate and reliable space.

 

[MyWillow]

It goes just fine as long as I’m the happy or ordinary me.

Yes. I definitely relate to this. It does say something about some of the people in my life I think. I’m not sure it’s JUST about my being “too much”.

 

[Justmehere]

I went in. The session went badly. She was very clear things are not working and can not continue as is and she was clear she will not indicate what needs to change today.

I told her I won’t be able to make it next week. I said I had a schedule conflict. Then she said, “would you like me to cancel?”

I suddenly said,”uh, I don’t know.”

Why the heck did I say that?

 

[ILoveLife]

and she was clear she will not indicate what needs to change today.

Maybe you were waiting for her to come clean about what needs to change?
Seems like she's leading you on without actual change.

Why do you think she didn't say what needs to change? Did she explain?

Seems like she's treating you like a defenseless child, it's pretty weird.

 

[Muttly]

Can I give your therapist a thwonk on the head with a rolled up newspaper? Just one good, solid thwonk but no actual hard done? Maybe that would knock some sense into her?

I've been in the position where I was talking about canceling and then said "I don't know" when my T asked me. For me, it came down to either I was afraid of upsetting her and/or I was afraid to let go of the idea of a therapy appointment even if the therap appointment wasn't actually going to be beneficial.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes. Or somewhere you know if you cancel, the likelihood is you won't be coming back.

Or maybe it feels there's no right answer, as it feels the issue is not resolved and the trust is damaged.