How To Talk To A Therapist?

[Shy Surrender]

I trust my therapist. I have seen her for 2 years now - and it took almost that long to build trust. But I still can't just talk to her. I can't seem to just be myself with her or say what's on my mind. I filter my thoughts and sit before her like a shy child. I write to her with everything that I'm thinking - and I mean everything, even topics about sex sometimes. But, when I sit in front of her, I don't know what to say. She asks if I want to talk about anything, and I never know. And when she asks questions, I struggle to just say what I'm thinking. How do you do it? How do you sit in front of someone you barely know and tell her your deepest and most personal thoughts? What is therapy supposed to be like?

 

[TonyG]

You just do it, when you get to that very bad place the only thing that helps is to talk about it, Then you will feel a bit of relief, I was at my lowest point on my first visit so I just opened up with what I could remember and two and a half hours and a box of tissues it was all out in the open.

 

[scout86]

You practice. You pick something before hand to talk about (doesn't have to be major, at first it's probably best if it's not), and then you say it. You can even talk about how hard it is to talk about stuff. (That might be a good place to start.) It's a bit like jumping in to a lake. Making yourself take the leap is hard, the second you hit the water, it's cold. After that, you generally find you can manage and it might even be fun. There is no magic switch you can flip to make it easy, though. You just have to start somewhere and practice. Good luck!

 

[Changing4Best]

I make sure to pick the same gender therapist as I am. I would not want to talk about sexual things with a man. I have been in therapy now for about a dozen years, starting when I was first diagnosed with PTSD. It has gotten easier over the years, but I must admit that talking about sexual things, especially the child molestation was hard at first. I wrote about it here in my trauma diary and then found it easier to talk about after that. That was about 2 years ago. I don't even feel the need to talk about it now, since I unburdened it in my trauma diary here. I talk about things that are happening in my life now and also anything from my past that seems to relate to what I discuss. My therapist also tells me of experiences from her life that seem to relate to the things that I talk about and tells me as well how she deals with those things in her life (or solves them). I really appreciate that part of it all, as it is good to get her viewpoint upon things from her own experience. Somehow, when I look at things from her perspective, it makes it easier to view my own life and then deal with it. She told me once that she uses a mixture of various therapy techniques to do therapy on me, not just one. I guess, according to whatever comes up, that gives her a wider assortment of tools to help me with and that I love.

As to how to do it, how to talk freely, you have said that you now trust her, so that is the first step. I had a therapist once that crossed her arms over her chest during therapy. I did not like this, as in the field of body language, it is a very bad sign. It is like she was protecting herself from me or my ideas, so I quit her after a few months. I first pointed it out to her and said I did not appreciate it. When she did not change after that, that was when I quit. So you do need to feel comfortable with your therapist.

Next, you need to discuss with your therapist how you feel about talking with them. It may be that you should ask point blank for help with this. Ask how it could be made easier to speak about very personal things. My therapist has stuffed animals in her office! You would not believe how much I like this and how much easier at makes it for me to open up to her. Somehow, this makes up for all the stuffed animals I never got as a kid and all the pets that I was denied too. Do ask how you should talk about your life, How to speak about very personal things, ask for pointers on how this could be made easier by the therapist too.

 

[Lucycat]

You just do it, when you get to that very bad place the only thing that helps is to talk about it

You practice.

I agree with both of these. I started talking when I was so bad I was nothing. As I got better talking became harder as I actually felt the emotions. That is when we slowed it down and did it little by little with practice for the harder stuff.

I make sure to pick the same gender therapist as I am. I would not want to talk about sexual things with a man

and here I am the complete opposite. I could not speak about sexual things with another woman. Never have - not even close friends. But I am able to speak with my T. It is certainly not easy though.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Nothing changes if nothing changes. You literally have to jump in and *do it*.

People think that you must have a deep and enduring sense of trust in your therapist in order to heal, but this isn't necessarily the truth. I did my most profound processing in a therapeutic setting where I didn't trust the practitioners much at all, but I had a great amount of trust for the process. (They actually told me to trust in the process as there wasn't enough time to build up trust for them.)

And actually, there can be a backlash for putting so much trust into your therapist as it is a relationship that can end at any moment, for any reason (ie therapist gets sick, therapist moves, therapist simply thinks they can't help you anymore), and at that point, if you've invested TOO much trust in them, your in danger of your ability to trust taking a nosedive. People think that trust is the end all and be all of therapy, but it isn't. Too much trust can be a bad thing too, as this isn't a "normal" relationship. As soon as the therapist terminates sessions, the relationship is over and he/she can't have any sort of relationship outside of therapy for 2 years. I say all of this as far too many people think that the therapist/client relationship is more than it is, but in the end its a commodity that you pay for. Not to be crass, but it is.

So jump right in, take a risk, and speak to your therapist. Otherwise you're wasting a ton of time and money and getting nowhere.

Maybe you need a new therapist?

 

[stormy]

I too have a really difficult time talking about the deeper matters, however, my therapist is really good in that even after I have said I don't want to talk about it, I find 20 minutes in, I'm talking about it.
I would not just be able to talk open and freely, I am working on it. I truly think a skillful therapist is needed to sort of guide you through it.

 

[TonyG]

I looked at it different I payed someone $150 to tell them stuff that would make most people fee ill, That's her job to sort me out but like I said before you have to in the right frame of mind to deal with and even after that it's a hard road as I'm finding out.

 

[Leigh925]

My therapist allows email. For a long time I would send him an email the night before our session and then he would go over it and ask me questions in session. I did that a lot. I still do sometimes but doing that helped me tolerate uncomfortable topics better until I got to where I am now....where most of the time I can just push through and say it.

 

[TonyG]

I can honestly say that talking freely with my psychologist has lifted a huge wieght from my mind, I now have drugs for the anxiety and with that under control I can deal with what's in my head,

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I struggle to talk, too. Sometimes I write while in therapy. If my therapist asks me something and I have an answer but can't find the courage to say it out loud, I write it. We have a clipboard with paper and pen always nearby because of that. And sometimes I don't talk. I just sit and absorb her thoughts and reflect on them later. Sometimes we sit in silence and she just "holds space" for me. I try not to be too hard on myself, but I usually fail at that. I'd love to be able to just talk, but it's hit or miss. Even when I know exactly what I want to talk about, I suddenly clam up and say nothing. I do have days though that I do talk and that's why I keep going back.