Sexual Assault How To Tell If A Man You Know Could Rape You.

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@joeylittle:)

My message to all male and female rapists is that it is ALWAYS 100% unacceptable to engage in any form of sexual behavior with any person who is not willing to have that experience.
That they are morally/ethically/legally obliged to ensure that the person with whom they are interacting, is in full uncoerced agreement with the behavior that the initiator is proposing.
That sex can be and needs to be a fully mutual experience where both parties approve of all actions taken.
That informed consent is integral to all human sexual interaction.
That the Victim is NEVER at fault.
That the Perp is ALWAYS at fault.

 

[LostGentleman]

She had a late exam last semester. Part of me was annoyed that the Uni scheduled an exam to finish at 9pm. Like - hmph - clearly a man scheduled that exam! Why are they making all those girls walk through the darkened campus? And not all of them live on campus. Some would have had to travel through the city to their homes.

That. I went through that last year, the person I love had to attend University at a late hour. It got me outraged, pissed, and with a lot of feelings inside of me, big feelings, huge feelings, all I could do was open my arms in shock and ..outrage, and ask if they (at the university) have brains, if they don't think of safety, that many female students live far away, etc etc.
It triggered me.

I'm so used to people not caring, or not noticing, these things (and hence, to have them look at me as if I'm insane, "I worry too much..") that I was surprised upon reading your words

 

[Sighs]

That they are morally/ethically/legally obliged to ensure that the person with whom they are interacting, is in full uncoerced agreement with the behavior that the initiator is proposing.

Agreed. But the dialogue needs to be around how that needs to occur in practice. I think there are some young men out there who would be genuinely devastated to discover that an event which they considered consensual was experienced as rape by their "partner". "She never said no." "She didn't stop me." "Why else would she let me come to her room at night?" etc etc.

We are happy to give women very specific advice about "how not to get raped". We need to give men just as detailed advice about "how not to rape".

 

[void]

@Sighs

Well said.

Rape is a manifestation of a number a very complex unaddressed problems within our Society(tip-of-the-iceberg).
Many boys are not taught how to communicate well....too many things are assumed and unspoken.
They see girls and woman being objectified, mistreated, controlled.
They see bullying going largely unchecked.
They hear demeaning references to woman which men rarely if ever challenge.
The good men are silent.:(

and on and on.........these and other factors do NOT excuse anything obviously

I watch Mathematics videos and when there is a female prof. the comment section reads "I'd tap that b**ch." "Great t*ts! and she can think!" and so on.....
If it's a male prof. ....nada.

It pervades everything.:(
So much change is needed.

 

[Gs172003]

Agreed. But the dialogue needs to be around how that needs to occur in practice. I think there are some...

I thought about that this morning. Maybe this stuff needs to be taught in middle school to girls and boys on what consent means so that when they DO start doing this stuff, they know already. Or put pamphlets in condom boxes. Something.

 

[Friday]

middle school to girls and boys on what consent means so that when they DO start doing this stuff, they know already. Or put pamphlets in condom boxes. Something.

YouTube... Thank. God.

A whole helluva lot of real sex ed videos were viral in my son's middle school. One of my favs is Tomska's. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yBfYtEy1Ovo Granted, it's a little bit 60 second Shakespeare, but the kids really loved it and the lessons from that one really stuck. Consent is at the very end of it along with rape & sexual assault.

'Any time someone has not given their consent -or has revoked it!- is sexual assault &/or rape.'

What is consent?

'Consent = Willing, Sober, & Continuous YES!'

^^^
Would be a great B&W warning label on each condom packet, like the warning on cigarette packets :D.

 

[Neverthesame]

Maybe this stuff needs to be taught in middle school to girls and boys on what consent means so that when they DO start doing this stuff, they know already.

Does this really work though?

I don't recall ever being sat down by anyone that told me, sexual consent is this. Rape is that.

But yet, I know the difference.
Why is that? Why do I know this?

It's a serious question, I'm not trying to be a shit disturber. What about the way I was raised would automatically have me assume that sex is something I am to share with someone, not take from them?

A whole helluva lot of real sex ed videos were viral in my son's middle school. One of my favs is Tomska's.

I don't know if any of her stuff is easy to find anymore but Sue Johanson was one of my favorite sex-ed "broadcasters?" She used to do a radio show on Sunday's. Loved listening to that when I first moved to Canada. It was also a weird sort of culture shock for a 10 year old catholic boy, to hear an elderly woman with such a liberal and informative view on sex.

Even more strange was my catholic mother actually approved of me listening to that show. :confused:

I watch Mathematics videos and when there is a female prof. the comment section reads "I'd tap that b**ch." "Great t*ts! and she can think!" and so on.....
If it's a male prof. ....nada.

Take away the anonymity of the YouTube comments section, suddenly all the 12 year old kids stop shitposting.

Honestly I don't know why anyone reads those. There's nothing of value in there really.
Honestly if you want to provide good feedback to someone on a platform such as youtube, hit the like button, check their description for things like a patreon if they are a content creator. Then tell your friends about them, so they can watch and appreciate, or support in whatever way they feel most appropriate.

The kind of human garbage that anonymously hurl sexist insults at Internet women, are looking for attention, not stating a real shared belief. Odds are, if their mother's ever caught them doing that. They'd have alot of explaining to do, to their very disgusted and angry mothers, after they have their Internet privileges revoked... and their chores doubled.

 

[Gs172003]

Does this really work though?

I don't recall ever being sat down by anyone that told me, sexual...

Obviously there are some boys and apparently girls that DON'T know, or care, and at the very least if they teach it in school there goes the "I didn't know" defense in court.
As far as the internet it's overwhelmed with trolls to the point that it's just plain annoying.

 

[Neverthesame]

@missy meier Fair point. Thank you.

 

[Gs172003]

You're welcome

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

@missy meier im not sure about anywhere else but rape crisis go round high schools (kid start high school at about 12 here) here and do teach all about consent. Explain what it is and is not, tell them about consequences of rape and sa to victims and what the law is and how people found guilty of SA or rape are handled in the legal side of it.

So yeah exactly at the very least they can't say oh I didn't know. Cause yeah you bloody did we came and taught you. And in any case an ignorance of the law is not a legal argument in this country.

I think it's an excellent idea to go to schools and teach this stuff. It's also a good idea to start really young and teach kids that if your little buddy doesn't want to hug it's not acceptable to force him/her and little things like that.

 

[LostGentleman]

The kind of human garbage that anonymously hurl sexist insults at Internet women, are looking for attention, not stating a real shared belief. Odds are, if their mother's ever caught them doing that. They'd have alot of explaining to do, to their very disgusted and angry mothers, after they have their Internet privileges revoked... and their chores doubled.

Due to the job I had previously, I had some Courses, Seminars, regarding how to deal with abusers/trolls within a virtual setting. Moderator training, if you will (the company I worked at, sometimes we had to keep an eye on User interaction, while the project was undergoing. The company's name was at stake, so we had to have some sort of training, I understand their decision.). On my free time, due to my M.O., in the end I was/am a mod on some platforms/places to which I accepted to do such work (pro bono). That is something that kinda stays within you, my professional side surfaces - so I do scroll down to check the comment section, and swiftly report those which go against the TOS on YouTube as well. :roflmao: I also know that that bother, may actually save someone else from getting hurt, or if someone who underwent trauma, even avoid them being triggered :tup: