How To Tell If Flashbacks Are Real Or Not?

[Needavaca]

I am a survivor of sexual abuse. I grew up thinking it only happened once as a 5 year old. Then, a 3 years ago I had an experience that triggered suppressed memories to come back as flashbacks. Then all of a sudden I realized that something that I thought only happened once, happened many more times and for many years. Some of my memories are kind of foggy still and I am afraid of new memories resurfacing. My question is, how can I be sure that these are all in deed new memories? I just don't understand how my mind could suppress so many scary memories that happened to me. How could I forget things that happened when I'm an older child and younger teen? It just doesn't make sense to me. The flashbacks feel like real memories but how do I know that they are real?

 

[Kieran]

I'm so sorry to hear that. Having memories of sexual abuse resurface can definitely be scary. Flashbacks are not easy to live with, either. It's normal for someone to forget about their abuse, though. It was so damaging to the brain that it did what it needed to so that you could survive. Forget the abuse until your brain knew you were strong enough to handle it. I was sexually abused as a child and only started remembering my abuse when I was 20-21.

When I first started remembering, for the first year, memories gradually came to the forefront and a lot of them were foggy. I wondered "Is this real? How can my mind so easily forget something so horrible? Something that happened almost every night for a year?"

I learned the hard way that those memories were real and new. Accepting those memories was heartbreaking for me, because I wanted nothing more than for them to be fake. A misunderstanding. Just my mind trying to cope with something that only happened once, when in reality, it happened almost every night for a year.

I'd say trust your mind. Chances are, your brain was triggered to the point where new memories will resurface every so often and you'll have flashbacks. This is your mind's way of letting you know that maybe it's time to see a therapist and push through this difficult time in your life.

Hugs if you accept them. :hug: Kudos to you for writing about what you're experiencing here. A very brave thing you did. I hope that you'll be gentle with yourself. Sexual abuse is damaging, scary, sad, awful. So many things. If your brain hadn't forgotten about it for a while, maybe you would have gotten worse. Your brain forgot so that it could protect you and it'll release new memories gradually, when it knows you're ready to deal with them.

Treat yourself with compassion and understanding. Maybe seek out a therapist? It could make a world of difference. Good luck!

 

[One step at a time]

I wish I knew! I think the short answer is that you can't tell for sure if it's real or not.

But blocking memories out is a useful and normal coping mechanism for a terrible, painful situation. Many of us forgot years of our lives for long periods of time, and didn't even notice the gaps. Our minds protect us until we are in a safer place, and then they say, "oh yeah, and by the way, I forgot to mention [blank] and did you know that [blank] and do you remember that person who [blank]" and on and on. Until we process it and heal and learn to live again.

I'm sorry you also have this experience, but I'm glad you found your way here. There are some useful threads on the forums about coping with flashbacks, among other things.
Sending support.

 

[Deadman]

Just to clarify, are you talking about flashbacks or suppressed memories resurfacing? My understanding is that the two are not the same. I know my flashbacks are 'real' if you will because they are corrupted versions of events I know I was involved in.

Suppressed memories I something have no experience with but I would imagine it would be much harder to know if they are true or not. I second the suggestion of a therapist to help you clarify a path forward.

 

[One step at a time]

^ @Mikey K said it well - sorry I didn't see that post when writing mine, and therefore there is a lot of overlap!

 

[Intrepid]

Just my mind trying to cope with something that only happened once, when in reality, it happened almost every night for a year.

PTSD really messes with memories. This is my experience too. I have been digging around in my childhood for a long time, and slowly things become apparent.
In EMDR my target is centered around early childhood sexual abuse. I can remember what my grandfather did, but what my mother did is more of a flashback than a memory.
But things are healing. I just did a lot to heal stuff from when I was 16. It was actually interfering with me dealing with earlier memories/flashbacks.
So, to answer your question, there are some things you already know are real. Then there are those things that are not quite memories, but that pack so much emotional punch that you know that something happened there.

 

[Needavaca]

I have been seeing a therapist for the past 2 years. She has talked about doing some internal parts therapy with me to help me remember one of my really foggy memories to gain clarification on some things. I'm just scared what I will remember and I'm also a little skeptical of this therapy method. I just wonder how do I know if it's real or not whatever it is im going to remember? Has anyone ever done internal parts therapy?

 

[BlueOrange]

The flashbacks are real, however the events that you remember might not have happened.

What we know with confidence is that your thought processes are being disrupted by intrusive memories. That disruption is real. We don't know with the same confidence that the memories are accurate - memory is imperfect, and nightmares can also intrude.

The question "Did these events actually happen" is important if you go to the police or to court. Otherwise, it's not as important as it first appears to be. You have those memories, and the feelings attached to them. They disrupt your daily life. That's what matters.