How Would You Most Want People To Support You?

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

So my follow up question to How Would You Describe Living With Ptsd? is "How would you most want people to support you?"

By people- I am mostly thinking about all people- bosses, family, friends, doctors, etc.

For me I want people to listen to me, but not try to "fix my problems". I also want my family, mostly, to reassure me that they love and support me. I want alone time if I need it, no questions asked (again more geared towards my family). I want people to not act so awkward when they learn that someone has PTSD (or anxiety, depression, bi-polar, DID, etc.).

How about anyone else? Care to share your thoughts?

 

[BlueOrange]

I wish that the people I love wouldn't suffer so much when they trigger me. It's kinda selfish of me - I do like it when they hurt, and when I see them being hurt because I triggered them, I feel obligated to help. So I don't get to work on my stuff, because I'm busy trying to handle their reaction to my stuff.

I also wish they'd stop triggering me ...

Sometimes, I also wish that the fact that we recognize I could handle things better doesn't mean that there's no reason for 'them' to avoid improving themselves.

Generally, I try to avoid asking this question - I've been very demanding in the past, and drove away people who wanted to support me because it was my way or the highway. The line between 'wanting better support' and 'driving away imperfect support' is still a challenge for me.

 

[holdenmonty]

I want people to support me by really just being there for me. To let me know that they are there for me in anyway that I need them to be. Also I would like them to realize that certain things are tougher for me then others but even though something might be tough for me unless I say I can't do it right now then let me attempt to get myself to do that certain thing. Also I know this one will probably be a bit selfish but when I get frustrated/angry please don't judge me for being frustrated/angry I know that I might be over reacting to the situation and I'm working on it and let me have some space.

I know I need to talk to my wife about this the next time it happens but when I get frustrated and go for a walk my wife usually sees it as me running away from the situation instead of addressing the situation but what I'm trying to do is get away from the situation to clear my head and think about how to handle the certain situation.

 

[NarcSis]

Patience - when I'm triggered I can't explain stuff to people about what's actually going on with me and not only does it scare the living shite out of them, they want to immediately either start making decisions for me or walk away and hide from me. Sometimes it can take me hours or days before I'm normal enough to explain what the hell was going on.

I also find so many people cringe either outwardly or internally when I start talking about how this makes me feel - either in general or trigger specific - and they immediately try to change the subject, make a joke or lighten the mood and this is very devaluing (? - uggh hate this brain). I feel like it's not okay to talk about the deepest things that I really need to talk to someone about.

Understanding - just be open and accepting of how I am. Work with me to help me work with "their world". Know that I'm going to trigger and that I'm okay, I don't need to be hidden away and shushed, if I need help calming, I will tell you and if I need to cut out early because I can't settle it, then I need to know it's going to be okay in those extremely rare instances. If I suddenly start crying for no reason, for the most part, I can say, "No worries, it's just the stress cup overflowing"; if only people wouldn't treat me like I'm some kind of leper.

(WORKPLACES) Understand that what triggers me is varied - sometimes even I don't see how something triggered me. If your paperwork says only five things trigger me, don't believe it, take an "all hazards" approach by learning more about my specific trauma and do a SWOT assessment on it to best accommodate me. Don't treat me like I'm faking or FOS because what triggered me wasn't written on your little piece of paper - learn more about why and work with me on it. Do no further harm.

Don't try to fix me, don't purposely expose me trying to make me snap out of it and also, if I'm starting to trigger, don't tell me, "Awww, don't get upset." I'm not just simply upset, I'm actually triggering. If I need to avoid something to help myself de-escalate, allow me to. Oh and Do Not Touch Me while I'm triggered!!! A trapped rabbit will bite! None of this bear hug stuff, it's suffocating and terrifying.

 

[falling_wave]

I would want people to ask me if I'm okay when I'm struggling instead of ignoring me. I'm not one to need my space or time to handle things. Im very independent but I just don't want to feel alone with it.

 

[StellaBlue]

This is a difficult one for me because I don't tell many people and I haven't (in the past) asked for support. Family - can't - they're a problem...big sigh. Boss - interesting - kept everything undercover until the police showed up at work to take me in to the hospital...my boss (and my work place in general) were kind beyond understanding - but I couldn't ask them for anything...just couldn't. Friends - just learning about how to make and keep friends - seems like too much to dump on them. I pay for my PTSD support (therapy) but have learned skills on how to handle things.

I am learning to ask asked for support for "non-PTSD" things when everything seems to be going downhill....which is a huge step for me and is maybe sort of on the same page. For example - I am now able to schedule time for myself rather than wait until I have a major breakdown because I'm trying to make muffins and I can't find the measuring cup because one of the kids put it away wrong even though we've lived here for 3 years and it should be in the drawer so I will sob for the next twenty minutes about a measuring cup...which may or may not be related to PTSD (single parenthood can be stressful :)) - but the PTSD doesn't help.

I don't know - sympathy would kill me. Empathy - not sure most folks in my real world would understand. I'm curious about what others say.

 

[garden]

Im very independent but I just don't want to feel alone with it.

I relate to this. I don't know how to ask for support from people who are aware of my cptsd, but it's mostly because they do a lot of minimizing and without knowing it they make me feel crappy. I don't know how to help them change this without it being like a therapy session, and I don't want to impose myself. I am used to feeling alone, so I get by. Something's working because I'm still here.

 

[Rumors]

Listen and not judge

 

[Recovery4Me]

"How would you describe living with Link Removed?" is "How would you most want people to support you?"

The first question is worthy but as I have not had many years of a life without it, my life is just what I make of it in between the onslaught of symptoms and striving for self-regulation. Maybe that is my answer...a life of self-regulation to appear capable of mainstreaming or normal and finding ways to thrive.

For the second question, prior to finding this board, I just went to T's for support, read massive amounts of psych books my whole life, signed up for Harvard Medical Journals, left people out of the loop and took my space when needed. Here at this site is different, people know of what they live or have seen. Therefore members can support in a way that works for them or doesn't threaten their own difficulties. To me, that makes a difference and my part of the dance is to be grateful for what they offered while I cultivate their shares. I am learning much and know I am not alone in PTSD Land.

As I am processing everyday, if I preclude a method or offer from someone as not valuable or outside of my desired box, then I may be actually limiting my own opportunity to grow. Shame to waste hard earned lessons by so many with discounting, but it does happen. Most suffers have paid a huge price to claim any victory. I respect their determination and sacrifice. They know where they have walked. So, I just have to get over myself sometimes & actively listen.

 

[Weemie]

look at me. say hi. i like when people ask me for help or tell me about their problems. it makes me feel like they think i'm a fellow human being.

 

[Friday]

My knee-jerk is that I don't want to be supported by people. I don't like hurting people. So stay far, far away. Live your life, and love it. Be happy. Be ecstatic. Be brave, and kind, and wicked smart, & seize every last breath possible. Be who you were meant to be. Not tied to me and my bullshit. Be fierce. Love freely. & From time to time come back and tell me about your adventures. Let me know you're okay. Because I love you.

Do I want to be alone? No. So please don't make this harder than it already is. Remember me laughing.

That's how I most want to be supported.

I hate being alone less than I hate causing pain.

____

Alternatively... Help me figure this shit the f*ck out. Distant second.

 

[Tanishq]

That they are there for me no matter what and yes most important: Don't bombard advice on me all the time just because I give it a listening ear. I just hate it when people bombard advice do this and that, none of it ever worked for me.

Edit: I also dislike when people give me advice without listening to my issue beforehand. I also want to be heard.