How's Your Day Been? Each Day is Different, So Make Your Mark Daily

[GR-ass]

blinks.

TIme for me to explain wtf happened new years, cos it is affecting me now.

Curls up a little.
New years eve
I went out with Melinda and her BF. Luke was meeting up later. we were just at a friends place swimming. Mel got absolutely smashed in under a half hour. she spent the next hour and a half trying to convince me to sleep with her and andy, even down to groping and kissing me.
I froze up. Just went all cold and went off to talk to a perfect stranger
Andy didn't know what she did, but did mention me going a little odd and asked Luke about it. Finally told Luke what happened last sunday.
He told me that Andy didn't know and that I should probably say something. I've been stuck in the middle like that before, I just can't come out and say wtf happened to him. Not sure Mel even remembers what happened.

Just feel so dirty, sl*tty and very muchly on edge.

 

[anthony]

Cass, it is not you who should feel that, it is melinda, as she is the one who did all the dirty, slutty moves, not yourself. I would tell her about it... don't keep it in and let it come between your relationship, just lay it out straight to her. If she is a friend, she will accept your opinion and the way in which you live, based on your morals and not peer group pressure, dust herself off, apologise and continue on with friendship. If she does,'t, then she wasn't much of a friend. That shit will come between you both if not discussed... and may if discussed, but less likely the later.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Just a stupid, tired, random thought... If I traveled around the world would I have jet lag? Or would I actually be awake and perked up during daylight hours and sleep at night? Sorry no sleep here...

 

[anthony]

LOL... you would have jet lag, as you still have to travel that time span on a plane. That is funny though....

 

[GR-ass]

Hugs everyone lots.

She doesn't remember any of new years eve. Had a talk with her asking about it *sighs* she just looked at me all blankly.

At least I feel a little better telling her that she had upset me, even if she didn't remember.

 

[anthony]

Ah, drunkness for the excuse of denial... and this is why I don't often get drunk anymore...

 

[goingonhope]

So far a good day...even though now somewhat triggered.

So far...so good, today. Briefly visiting the forum as, I have much to accomplish and have already accomplished much. Proud of myself. Missing all of you'..and my reading, involv., particip. here. Life is a juggling act and .... often there's so much juggling to do. I must say that I've read some of your posts and I just love what's being discussed...we'all have so much in common, (and sometimes, even triggers in common). OMG, I thought I was one of the very few triggered by Absolute Bullshit! 'You know that nonsense, illogical crap' that's useless to the ears and makes no sense whatsover. It does wonders for me to know that I'm not alone on this one....Wonders!

The PTSD commonality, it's all so overwhelming at times as it contradicts what I've been telling and deceiving myself with for many yrs. now, and that is this: That I'm 100% alone in this world with my combo., the way I think and feel, and that I will always be. Gotta' luv this forum as it points out to me that I'm not the only one suffering from this shit' PTSD, and annoyed to hell at times with others stupidity. I read this one particular post which reminded me of the sheer stupidity an much BSh't. that many here, like myself, have found intolerable. I'm not talking errors, mistakes and ignorance, everyone's capable of this, I'm talking ongoing, useless, destructive, brainwashing bull' crap! ...that's represented as if it's helpful...I avoid it, as much as I can, like it's the plague.

I isolated, ducked, dodged, hid, struggled with, fought with, ran from and sought escape, and on and on, and all in my attempt to defend and protect myself and others from the hell I could see before my eyes. Hell on earth...and boy did it ever suck! Don't think it's any exaggeration either. Now I just gotta' get it into my skull that this hell is OVER, and that I don't need to welcome anything that even resembles it. Ya' perhaps when consciously deciding and confronting my triggers, but at no other time.

..Yes, I'm lost, confused and tormented now within myself on any given day, but I'm more than willing to perservere and exper. and learn just how to accept myself, juggle life with trauma work and pass through much. And if I don't live long enough to heal completely from my trauma, well then I'm learning along the way how to have some self-esteem, accept and like myself and be there for others...(And gee, is this Work ever, Work....it's the finest kind of Work, as it's exhausting.

......And, wanna' congratulate all, on all our best efforts.

 

[anthony]

Hope, I must say I am pretty damn proud of watching you move in this direction, the direction of taking your life back and being realistic about what is happening too you and within your life. These are positive steps to get angery with ourselves, to get the shit out of us, to take control and kick our own minds arse, get back what our trauma took away from us; our mind! Nice work Hope, very nice work, and congratulations on such positive direction. So so proud to hear what you wrote above...

 

[Deleted member 93]

Hope, me getting really pissed made a difference. It takes time to get from pissed. Not there all the way here. But it is a step in the right direction. My doc wanted me to stay pissed off a while to feel that strength and run with it. He did not want me to stay there, but temp is good and good progress!

 

[YoungAndAngry]

I've been thinking of all of you during the last week.

I'm back safe and sound in my basement again,
stitched up and just waiting for everything to heal.

Take care all,
Y&A

 

[becvan]

So good to hear Y&A! We missed ya! You take it easy now, no overduing it!

Bec

 

[anthony]

Great news YA... really glad to hear that all went well for you. Now the waiting game... anticipation must be kicking in by now ha?