General Hug A Carer Thread

[amethist]

You made me smile lonetree when you said, "I don't know if we are that far behind the Pro's".

My husband said something alone those lines this morning, as he was winding himself up big style before going for his MRI, (Will explain more in another thread). His words to me as I explained he was doing this because he assumed and expected he was going to have an anxiety attack because of the noise of the scanner.

His words were, "You sound just like Richard when you talk like that, that's how he explains things to me". LOL, it made me smile, as his T actually said one time that I was not far behind him with the way I deal with most things.

Some carers are a natural, and have knack of doing the right things at the right time, some learn the right ways in time, some try their hardest and struggle for a long time, but get there eventually, some just can't manage, no matter how hard they try to understand whats going on. There is no right and wrong way as such, and no carer should ever feel guilty if they make mistakes or simply can't keep going.

No one says this is easy, but with practise, patience and a lot of self care, some of it does become second nature.

Taking care of your self as much as possible does help make it a lot easier to keep going.

Amethist

 

[cherryblossom]

I just wanted to give all you carers (AKA Saints!) a huge :Hug_emoticon:

You all deserve it (the hugs, not the shit 'we' throw at you!). I don't have a 'carer' as such, but I do have various family and friends that support me, and help me. They also take the shit, when I'm dealing it out and graciously accept my apologies, when I (eventually) realise I was out of order.

So thanks to all who support me, and encourage me to live a better life.

 

[Jestadud]

I have to get my two pennyworth in here and give a big hug from me. :Hug_emoticon:

I seriously think that some of you gifted people believe that you only have one or two people you care for, yet on this site your patience, strength and comfort is felt around the world by up to 3000 a day I believe.

On this forum sufferers help support each other as do carers but the two together don't just double the input I reckon it must increase tenfold. There have been times I have come on here in what can only be described as less than perfect condition, then later when the shame lets me return I find someone who might be half a world away has picked up on my condition and covered for my stupidity or given me a way out with a little pride. More often than not that person is a carer.

Yeah definitely big hugs :Hug_emoticon: for you carers as you people could choose to walk away yet so many haven't.

 

[Iam]

I couldn't have said it better Jestadud.

You carers here have helped me more than once. I also think of my husband who has been there thru thick and thin. I don't know how you carers stick with us. We can't get away from ourselves and I think there are times when most of us would if we could (me more often than not LOL). You can leave but choose to stay and help us thru it. Holding us when we ask or leaving us alone when we can't let you.

Thanks to all of you, you truly are heros! :clap: :Hug_emoticon:

 

[lovinbiker]

Thanks so much for this thread,
If there is something I could really do with at the moment is a hug, and as much as I would like it to be from my lovely lady its good to know 2 things.

That the sufferers do appreciate all that the carers do for them just struggle to show it most of the time.

That although I feel alone most of the time at the moment I know im not the only one going through this.

Thanks to both carers and sufferers

 

[Jawn]

lovinbiker,

You pretty much summed up my day and what I was thinking/feeling today.

Jawn

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear lovinbiker, Jawn

What is so odd, is that ptsd itself is a lonely condition; it's very hard to have to battle yourself/ express yourself when you "can't"/ trust when it's so difficult, and to feel 50 emotions in an hour (or none at all- after that). It's been my experience that the behaviour may be one thing, the thoughts and feelings, etc another. Just speaking for myself I think that many people here can relate to even feeling "alone in a crowd" or having difficulty recalling or remaining in good moments (because there are so many challenges- triggers, self-doubt, self-blame, shame, trust issues, depression etc), trying to interfere.

I am sorry it creates loneliness for you. Just know it's likely mutual, with your SO's. I think sometimes you can have very coordinated feelings (together), but one may show it/ the other be unable.

-Hugs

 

[Jawn]

Thanks Junebug. I'm sure I can't even imagine how hard it has been on my wife. I only know my side of things and it sure hasn't been a picnic. Thanks for explaining this as it really does help put things into perspective for me.

Jawn

 

[Learning123]

Jawn I would defo go with that, we cannot even imagine how it must be for a sufferer, all I can say is that (in my very limited experience of ptsd sufferers) big up to you all, and if that doesn't translate very well, I apologise, basically total respect to you all because (and I know this is prob turning this thread on it's head as it's meant for carers - which I don't class myself as btw) but to everyone who suffers with this, you are allllll amazing for the way in which you cope with this, you really are! x

 

[Tinyflame]

Thanks too Jawn, for your perspective. And I truly don't mean to infer to repress it- by no means. I think it can be very difficult all-around.

It has been my experience that unmanagable (or unrecognized and unmanaged) ptsd can be a nightmare you wouldn't believe. I think that the nightmares/ triggers/ feelings/ shot self-esteem/ "dips-and-valleys" - the sheer what's-coming-next feeling and experience is exhausting, interferive, and really discouraging, at times.

That being said you learn (hopefully) to live with it (especially by understanding "what" is going on within you and to some degree "why"). But as far as carers or understanding or support or kindness goes, I don't think you can beat the gratitude of someone with ptsd- hard as even those things are to "accept", it means everything, and goes miles-and-miles in helping to reduce the stress to deal with it, and to try to learn to see it and yourself in a different way- as someone who has "this" (and everybody has something), not just as a person-beyond-hope/ salvaging.

JMHO but Thank you- :)

 

[hopelives]

Thank you,

I often feel a fake - I don't really know what I am doing, I don't always have patience and I don't really understand anything.

Sometimes I think he would be better off with someone else - and that isn't me feeling sorry for myself, I am saying it from an objective point of view.

I keep looking to 'fix' things because that is my nature and the hardest part is probably accepting that there is no 'fix' to mental illness - however it has been caused.

I get scared a lot too...

WOW so true.

 

[lovinbiker]

Hi all,
So much has been said on this thread that is so true both for sufferers and carers. I wish i knew how my sufferer was feeling by her talking to me, but alas I have gained my understanding from this forum.

I feel very lonely most of the time at the moment but I cope cos I can understand why I do. From my understanding thats the big difference I get these emotions and feelings by i know why and can make sense of them all. I cannot imagine how hard it is to have so many things going through your head and not being able to work any of it out.

I would just like to say an extra big hug to all the carers that are away from there sufferers and feeling lonely and isolated, and a big hug to everyone else sufferers and carers.

Never give up on what you believe in.