Hurt Feelings

[Colyquin]

Has anyone been told they are draining (physically, mentally, and emotionally)? I live with my mom and she told me this awhile back but the thought has been pounding in my head lately. I don't know how to be better.

 

[Joan]

I have not been told this, but I feel it all the time...I feel I am just too much for any relationship and therefore have none. That has to really hurt for your mom to tell you this. I am so sorry!

 

[ajmbt]

Yes, too much to be around. I've been told, and I feel it from those who don't comment.

That's a hard thing to hear from your mom. (((hug))) sorry colyquin.

 

[Keeley]

Like (Mrs/Ms) Joan, I haven't been directly told this - though I have been made to feel like a burden. And it's understandable that it would latch onto you a bit but, all-in-all, I doubt that you need to better yourself. And, seeing as you reside in these forums like the lot of us, you have something more important to worry about.

//That may seem harsh but this is coming from someone who has no attachment to their parents.

But, really, you seem like a genuine person. So, don't fret with becoming "better" on behalf of someone else's standards.~

 

[KrispyKreme]

I am so sorry you were told that colyquin.

I have been told that I was too draining - so I just kept away from those people. I am sure that would be hard with your mom.
Sending you a lot of support.

Take care,
KK

 

[DMerish]

Hi Colyquin,

I'm just curious: What is the context around your mom saying that?

(((hugs)))

 

[franciemarnie]

Your mom has options. If she is feeling stressed and blamed your intensity - to me that's kind of b.s. insofar as we all of us are exposed to people and situations that are stressful and we feel drained after a while but we each have a choice to recognize this coming on and take a time out - to do whatever it is that we find restorative. Life in general can be draining.

I don't think it's fair if she didn't give specific behavior that she objects to but just made a blanket statement. Then what do you do? Exist less?

But I don't have all the details so I don't know but that would hurt to hear. I'm sorry she said that.

 

[Flyaway]

Have you tried challenging your Mum? Ask her what it is exactly that she believes your wanting, but can't give to you? Maybe by talking with your Mum, clarifying your needs and expectations of her... you can both negotiate having your needs met in ways that work for both of you.

Your needs are important, sometimes we don't look to the right people to have those needs met... Thoughts?

 

[Seasounds]

You are "good enough", just as you are. People say hurtful things when they are overwhelmed, and when those words come from people we are care about, they are even more troublesome. In such moments, I've had the best luck of getting rid of those sticky, negative thoughts by reminding myself of a few things: other people have problems (like being overwhelmed), that I am not the cause of their pain, and that I have good intentions. Surrounding myself with people, who know that it is respectful to say only kind things to the people to whom they are closest, has been a wise decision. And if I find myself stuck in pain or circular thoughts, in private, to re-assert my psychic boundary, I will hit pillows while I shout, "No."

 

[Colyquin]

DMerish I am bipolar as well so all the mania followed by the extreme depressive states really stress my mom out. She says I need a lot of careful attention and people walk on eggshells around me because they don't know how to effectively communicate with me. She says it's tiring and I drain people because of my ailments.

Flyaway my mom has sat in on some counseling sessions so she knows my basic needs but she works so hard at trying to understand me that I feel it would be frustrating to throw more stuff at her.