Hurting

[sonicwhite]

Ok, I had a trigger to another posters post.....My ex gf will never forgive me. No matter how humble I have become. How hard I try to say in my mind she is ok......I can't get her out. I will not talk to her. I'm not in the mood for the silent treatment......



I was going thru a psychotic episode. The day after I get out of jail me and her sit on the steps of my house. I weep tears that came out like water......Mixture of our emotions ignite such a time in my life I wished I could have came out of my body and just thanked her for her resistance and treating me like a man......


IDK guys I don't know where I'm going with this.......Two years max should have been it and I would be over but it's been ten years and without being creepy I keep to myself......IDK anymore. I want my brain erased of the horror I went thru in 05.

 

[sonicwhite]

This song gets me thru a lot of pain. Be aware of the Bass. tho.

 

[The Albatross]

Sonic, I'm not sure where you're going with this either... you are all over the place. Are you mixing your present and past?
Fantasizing about having your brain erased... well unlikely. Not following what is going on here with you can you restate it?

 

[sonicwhite]

I'm just still hurt from a relationship that happened ten years ago.

 

[The Albatross]

I like that music vid. Thanks for sharing it Sonic.

 

[fuzzypenguin]

have you been able to speak to anyone about it?

 

[The Albatross]

What can/will/are you willing to do to bring yourself out of rumination and be present in your life TODAY?

 

[sonicwhite]

idk the answer. please forgive me.

 

[darwin]

I hate that I struggle letting go of relationships. I hate that it's so traumatic when it ends. I hate going over and over again how I was wronged. I wish I had better solutions/tools for this stuff.

 

[Kai. Renfred]

Sonic,

I'm so sorry for your pain. Trust me, I know it's incredibly hard being in relationships for people suffering like us. Be patient with yourself. Forgiving yourself is also one of the most important things. You'll get there at some point in your recovery because even though you're lost, you are looking for help whether you realize it or not and that's a good thing. I know it's hard, but you need to take it one step further and go to therapy. Believe me, I know it's not the most fun thing. I've been in and out of the hospital and in and out of therapy, but think of it as a treat for yourself. It's not going to heal you over night. You may have to do some therapist shopping, but don't be discouraged. Self awareness is a gift. You only become more prepared for your triggers after that.
As for your ex, I know it hurts like hell, but to move on you really have to set boundaries with her if you still see her every now and then. It will only stunt your growth. It may be best to simply cut all ties with her.

Also, give your recovery a break sometimes. Designate a specific time to log on to this site. It's not healthy to flood yourself with so many triggers.

Be safe sonic,
Know that you are never alone.

Kai

 

[sonicwhite]

@The Albatross there are many remixes to the song, this one is my favorite. The normal version is pretty good too.

 

[The Albatross]

How are you doing today... better?