Relationship Husband Lied About Ptsd

[darrenS]

i truly wish you all the best @Lied To, it creates a very different dynamic when key information is left out, i know from my own experience that at times we have no choice but to share, i went into my second marriage at 36, i had in the past had drug problems that required rehab and what not and even though i had been clean at the time for many years , i still seen it as important information for my future partner. Sure it was something that i could have marked as irrelevant - it had been treated , and sharing it also meant that it may open a new set of problems. I just felt she needed to know and it also allowed her to make a informed choice. I could have imagined her anger if i had hidden it and then got in trouble -ouch !

And since my ptsd has come to the fore , after being diagnosed approx 4 years ago, it has made me even more aware of the need to be open and honest about everything, i naturally protect the sensitive stuff , but otherwise i find it easier and far less stressful to be open with my ex partner, i tell her exactly how i feel and what not so we can plan ahead and parent our children with the unpredictability of ptsd looming over us. It is now at the point where my ex wife can identify a ptsd stressor before i can and she will plan with it in mind.

It sounds like you have a good foundation in your marriage , im sure over time you will learn the best approach to both address and resolve it or even leave it alone - but either way i am sure you will reach a point of resolve and be stronger and better informed because of it - good luck

 

[Ronin]

On another hand... you're having safety issue with him, and him alone, it seems. It could be worse; he could be not telling you about other attachments he may have and all with your best interests in mind (aka something totally different than 'dishonesty'), he could be putting on masks that are very different from real him just to satisfy you, et cetera. The thing he didn't tell you is what his reactions are from, and you know that now. It's his privacy, and the cards are out in the open, you can do things with it now, instead of looking back to the past.

(I'm just looking on this from another perspective, considering how much more of my partners didn't tell me... or how much I didn't tell them. The security risks were far higher and more acute. This ain't exactly 'nothing', but it's not something you can't work with.)

 

[Big H]

I developed PTSD whilst married, through combat operational exposure. At the time, I was a civilian in a war zone. I returned home and initially spoke about what I'd witnessed ( a few weeks ), then just "broke". I've spoke to many veterans, many families living with veterans who have PTSD. It's a familial challenge, especially for kids, I know I changed my kids personalities. Thankfully, they are all young adults and we are solid, but it takes journeys into dark places to accept ownership for actions that you witness yourself doing, but feel powerless to stop. I remain blessed, as I have a wife who must be made from an Angel's halo, ( she wouldn't believe me if I said that to her :) ). To start the journey, you have to want to, my trigger was watching my kids cry, and seeing my youngest son run into a wardrobe when I shouted, I'm not proud, I'm actually ashamed, but I am sharing this in the hope that it helps you somehow.

As an after comment, I've been married 20 years year, I'm proud of that, my relationship with my kids is solid, they remember though, but share the journey and are proud of where we are today, we are strong, resilient, honest, and very, very thankful.