General Husband Slumped Back With Ptsd - Just As I Am Launching My Dream Business :o(

[revelry]

It sounds like your having a pretty rough time. Try to remember to take things one task at time, otherwise you will burn out. It happened to me and the damage done from it is something that I cant ignor or pray it will go away. Ive had to learn how to manage things differently and take steps back before I fly off the handle. I was getting pretty out of control.

I went to a T when everything got unmanageable and learned that part of my problem was trying to 'do it all'. He suggested that I look at things in my life and try to caterogize them. Make a few boxes labled 'important', 'unimportant', 'necessary', and 'unnecessary', and put my reponsibilties in the boxes. I started to see that some of the things that I thought was dire, and absolutely'had to be done' really didn't have to be done, or to be done that day or that moment.

Might it help to give your hubby basic tasks, something for him to be responsible for and hold him to it?? Simple little things can sometimes be a huge relief, and his illness doesnt necessarily give him an excuse to ride your coatails.

I dont know your situation completely, and I hope I didn't offend you, and hope some of this might help or at least give you some perspective.

(((hugs)))

 

[wife of]

Buy him a cookbook for christmas,it may spark his interest and give him something he can do with the child,thus giving you time to do other things.

Even better would be to buy a simple childs first cookbook (rice krispie squares etc) and give it to the child so its less obvious and then maybe tell the child to have daddy look at it with him?

Might sound manipulative but I prefer to think of such things as "stealth encouragement".

 

[Eleanor]

Sunshine - sometimes T.V.'s "break". :cautious: My girl spends far too much time parked with TV and computer - and that is a consequence of husband being "absent" (although most days/evenings he is physically not here) and so the only time I have to myself (and time I need to work) she is on her own (to play or watch tv) or with the dogs. My husband will take her to the park, or ride her bike around the block, or shopping sometimes. There is much demonization of tv, and some of it justified - but honestly, there are much worse things.

I hear you about no "life". I ran into an old barn friend at the grocery store yesterday and chatted for a few minutes - then thought "There's my social life for the month!" :( Honestly, if it were not for kid birthday parties I would have no social life at all.

Work ebbs and flows. An afternoon or two of tv for the boy doesn't make you a bad mom.

I like the "stealth encouragement" strategy too wifeof! i'd go for a baseball and glove tho!

Can you have a talk with your husband about how he is treating (or not treating) your son? I find our daughter is my husband's biggest motivator...

 

[Sunshine71]

Thank you for these brilliant replies.

I am taking it day by day and trying to continue to do the best I can. My son is healthy, clean and I keep his reading up everyday. I will buy a simple cook book - Hubby and son have done some cooking before and had fun.

A great idea thank you.

Eleanor - the same here- I look forward to my sons Karate lesson now just so I can talk to some other mums.
Noting things as 'important', 'unimportant', 'necessary', and 'unnecessary'is brilliant and also giving hubby 'tasks' too.

Although I can this wont always work! :O(

I had ameeting with a new accountant today - I can forget home life and be the business woman I want to be - even for an hour. I was excitied to see an accountant for my business!

Is that sad?!

He seemed like a super guy - perhaps not yet 30 won businessman of the year and employs about 10 staff.

I wouldnt want such a business and the stress but I did find myself thinking "Oh to have a "normal" life.

Thank you for being there

Sunshine xx

 

[Sunshine71]

I wondered - Over Xmas I managed to switch off from work and hubby did really well. I wonder is this because it was Christmas or to do with the fact that I was not wrapped up with work?

The thing is that I must work otherwise we would never pay the bills and buy food.

He says that he wants me to work and he is working on his business however I have a feeling that if I gave up and was with him more it would do him the world of good.

Its catch 22 - we wouldnt be able to do anything without £'s though!!

My work is so important to me - however I feel that I am putting it before my hubby.

Its how I can escape when I need too.

Anyway any thoughts are very welcome and appreciated.

Sunshine xx

 

[Toria]

Hi Sunshine - I had exactly the same thing over Christmas - it wasn't perfect, but it was pretty good. Then the first day back at work all the old anger and arguments popped straight back up. They are simple every day stresses but to us and ours they are just seemingly too much. Hand on heart I considered trying to get Husband signed off work on "the sick" but he's self employed and I don't think he actually could be. Me? I think I need to go to work to preserve my sanity so that wouldn't work either. But I do have a dream of just packing up and all three of us going away from everything... one day maybe.

 

[Sunshine71]

Thanks for sharing Toria - We are self employed too - my hubby gets MEGA stressed about money - well lack of it.
When you say dreaming of packing you 3 up is that including hubby???

I still want to be with my hubby - I am tired and wiped out with his PTSD though :O(

With thanks sunshine x

 

[Toria]

Hi Sunshine - yes - three of us is me, Husband and Dog!!! I have this "thing" at the back of my mind that says if we could just get away from the day to day stress of his business then things would be so much better. It's stressing me to high heaven so Lord knows what it does to him. I do try to shelter him from the worst of it (lack of jobs in the diary, mahoosive overdraft etc etc) and try to keep that burden on my shoulders as he has enough on his plate, but it's now starting to take its toll on me. A lot of it has to do with the time of year - it's always quiet in January / February and I'm sure it will pick up - it's just when???!!!

Sounds like we have a lot in common :) not sure if that's good or bad though!!!! :roflmao:

 

[Sunshine71]

Yes it does Toria and I wish I had the answers for us both!

I also keep hubby from the financial side of things as best I can as he just goes to pieces badly - Lack of £'s brings all of his PTSD symptoms on a great deal....

Hubbys work was separate from mine however he had to re train in something else due to the hit and run car accident - which is GREAT. However there is some synergy now with both of our work and some of my clients need photos and thats what he does.

Its VERY early days and just a few interested clients however when we have to discuss things ts VERY stressful.

He also says that all I talk about is work.

What else is there at the moment???

He is in the house with me during the working day and then I am doing all what I can to focus.

When its your own business it is a major talking point!!!

However with this and the PTSD to deal with I dont have time for anything else!!!

He even said to me that I should go out with my friends more.

Sometimes I am not able to leave him on his own and also sometimes we don't even have £'s for food!! Its changing now as I am getting more work in fingers crossed but I do wonder what planet he is on!!!!

Oh well Toria - I too am sorry that we have a lot in common - however grateful that you are there.

With thanks Sunshine xxx