Relationship Husband Wants A Divorce

[Kaylee123]

My husband has ptsd and recently told me he wants a divorce.. I don't know how to even take in those words. He is my everything. He says he's lost feelings for everything in life, including me. He wakes up numb and doesn't feel anything. It breaks my heart seeing him like this but I don't want to give up on our marriage. I have so many questions to ask him but don't want to overwhelm him. He said he's firm on where he stands and I'm lost on what to do!

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'm so sorry... (((Hugs))) if you accept them.

Has he gotten any kind of treatment?

 

[Kaylee123]

I'm so sorry... (((Hugs))) if you accept them.

Has he gotten any kind of treatment?

No he won't go get help. He tells me he knows they can't fix him. That a shrink isn't gonna fix anything. When I try to explain to him that they know what their doing.

 

[LuckyDuck]

I'm sorry for what's happening to you both, Kaylee.

You've described this video:

I hope it brings some answers. I'm currently going through a rough time with my PTSD and the struggles of my relationship. I'm saying this because I want to highlight a point Dr. Bessel van der Kolk brought out: guilt and shame.

I'm not saying this is your case, but I'm just giving my current experience. There have been many bumps in the road these past few weeks between me and my BF. I'm trying very hard not to let the relationship die but part of me wants to close it off because sometimes I see things as not getting better. The want to time capsule by ending things. The guilt and shame are what's making me think those things. The thoughts that I'm a bad person and this is why things are happening. That I should stop now before no memory of good times will be able to outshine the negative to come.

I hope your husband decides to get help. I hope you both get the help you need. What he's going through is talked about in this video. What you're experiencing is also mentioned.

LD

 

[Mel (Hippo256)]

I'm so sorry for you. I've had a depression and my partner has recurring depressions, so I understand what he describes about his unability to feel. However, it's so important to not make (important) decisions while your in this state. You can't think clearly. Life's miserable already, who cares if I give up everything etc. He probably doesn't realize that now, but it's really important. It will make him feel even more miserable if he pushes everyone away and makes sure he has nobody around him who cares about him. I hope you or someone else can tell him this and that it will sink in.

I understand his feelings about professionals. My partner and I never have been helped by professionals either, but still he really shouldn't give up. You have each other and maybe you can get help, so you can get advice how to talk about it with him. Or maybe some other kind of coach or physical therapy if that is easier accessible for him.

If he's already feeling really bad, why should he break up with you? What for positive things would give him this in return? You are more hurt when he leaves you, than when you go through this with him. So he shouldn't think that this would be better for you (that's what I often think).

 

[Sweetpea76]

If he isn't getting treatment of any kind there isn't going to be any way that you can help him or fix him. Nothing is going to happen until he decides that he wants to get help. It really, really sucks.

At this point in time, all you can do is take care of yourself. Seek counselling if you need it. Take care of yourself physically... eat well, and be sure to get plenty of sleep and exercise. Make sure your finances are in order so you can take care of everything without him. Even if he sticks around for awhile, he may be acting erratically and/or not be capable of being responsible for everyday things.

Nobody is going to take care of you but you... and you are valuable enough to be taken care of, even if you are the "healthy" one.