General Hypervigalance 101

[Sweetleaf]

I drive my hubby nuts because I insist that we close the shades the minute the sun starts to go down. We've been bickering about this for years. Last night I finally figured out why!

It's that time when the lights are bright enough to show the inside of the house.... does that make sense? Ya - so that is when the sniper can see where you are! So you have to close the blinds. I finally get it! Yea - its stupid but so what..I know why it's such a big deal to me

Damn lol I do the same thing with the shades. The moment it's dark enough, I feel hyper-uncomfortable if they're open. Meanwhile, my mom and sister are practically obsessed with keeping them open. When I go to close them I sneak up to them from the side so no part of my body is visible through the window, and close them. I'm not afraid of snipers ofc., just afraid of someone knowing that there is a person in the house, or seeing me... even though it's pretty safe to assume most houses have people in them at night. Illogical but oh well. I also worry about a very specific person lurking outside of my house even though I'm pretty sure they live on the other side of town now and have no intention of breaking the restraining order. Never can know though. I'm too wacked out to file charges for the time being - I don't think I could handle the stress from that. So the possibility is there that he could try f*cking with me.

I even check the snow around my house for footprints.

Another thing that my mother does that is really triggering, is she will go into my room and turn off the light (one of those pole lamps that gives nice mellow light to a room), so when I open the door to go in my room I just see a bunch of darkness and it's like instant panic. The lamp is across the room, so I have to turn on the harsh ceiling lights to cross the room and turn on the lamp. Problem is, the bright ceiling lights are triggering in that bright artificial light reminds me of the room I was tormented in the most. In that room I had bright studio style lights pointing directly at me, constantly.

Plus I have a huge issue with closed doors -- they are never closed in my house if I can help it.

I have a problem with open doors, though a light on on the other side of a closed door kinda freaks me out for some reason, particularly if it's a room that isn't really used by anyone. I think I prefer closed doors because I would barricade myself in a room sometimes to avoid getting caught in the whirlwinds of destruction that my psycho ex would cause, though that often backfired on me. Feels safer to have a door between me and whatever could possibly be on the other side of a door, which logically is nothing most times.

In regards to the thread: I often get spooked by blankets, or towels, or pillows, or just about any object that is on the floor or furniture, sometimes furniture itself spooks me. I keep thinking it's a person, or an animal. It seems to be helpful to try laughing it off afterward. Same for when I get freaked out from darkness. Hasn't made it go away, but it makes it have less impact after the initial scare, aiding in returning to relative calm. Moving the object also helps sometimes.

 

[Freida]

@leehalf technicalities! LOL :)

EMDR is good but it is brutal -which may be the reason the Ts aren't suggesting it. T#1 didn't recommend it - I got it when I went to see T#2 at the va for my disability stuff. Not sure T#1 is a fan to be honest --probably because she has to put me back together later in the week

The reason I stick with it is that it has an 85% success rate. The VA is really pushing to hire more EMDR people so it may become more of a thing for military folks.

He mentioned how things slow down.

This happens in 911 and dispatching too -- when you are processing a big emergency and have to really focus on what is going on - time gets all messed up

 

[Louski]

I have a problem with open doors, though a light on on the other side of a closed door kinda freaks me out for some reason, particularly if it's a room that isn't really used by anyone. I think I prefer closed doors because I would barricade myself in a room sometimes to avoid getting caught in the whirlwinds of destruction that my psycho ex would cause, though that often backfired on me. Feels safer to have a door between me and whatever could possibly be on the other side of a door, which logically is nothing most times.

This is quite interesting. My fiance has an issue with open doors as well. He is always telling me to shut the door. And he gets up to close them, although he also has issues with slamming doors, and loud bangs, and that is understandable.

 

[Sweetleaf]

This is quite interesting. My fiance has an issue with open doors as well. He is always telling me to shut the door. And he gets up to close them, although he also has issues with slamming doors, and loud bangs, and that is understandable.

Ooh I totally have the same issue with slamming doors and bangs and just loud noises in general, or unexpected noises. Even positive loud voices (like people being loud in excitement, for example) will freak me out. Or children making noise. However, I can go to band practice or just play loud amplified music at home and not get freaked out in the slightest. Funny how that works. Like WTF brain lol.

The kettle going off freaks me out too. I would leave the lid open so it didn't whistle, but then I'd definitely forget it was there lol.

 

[LuckiLee]

Windows covered at night and when we're not home.

Some type of light on in the evenings (until he is relaxed and calm and feels safe-ish)

Doors open.

Walks the perimeter of the house daily.

Parks his car in a certain way.

Sits with back to wall where he can see all doors and exits.

When he brushes his teeth he walks around the house and checks windows and doors. (his doc one day said "I bet you don't brush your teeth in the bathroom"? J said "you're crazy, where else would I brush my teeth"? I had to tell him "yeah baby you do walk around the house")

Before bed, check locks, windows, scan rooms. He actually keeps it dark unless he's having a bad night and on the couch with the tv on low.

Driving.... Don't get me started! Ugh!

He sleeps on the outside of the bed.

He has to have details of my plans. Where and what I'll be doing. He needs time frames. When I had my accident I added a stop to my errands. Next thing I know... "I can't even trust you"! Blah!

He mentioned the other day how he's thought of different scenarios for every room in the house. What's an escape? What's a weapon? How to get me safe? He obviously does this everywhere. (how exhausting!!)

I'm sure I could think of more but I'll stop there. I find myself doing most of these things now too. I know what table he'll want to sit at, where he'll park...

 

[Sighs]

Lol - our house was bought in part because it is located on a reverse slope and therefore would be easier to defend from attack. (We're not preppers but... :whistling:)

 

[Freida]

@leehalf its funny how many of those things i do too --- I had no idea that I have to have a certain seat in a resturant or whatever until I started therapy. I said something about not doing it to a friend of mine and she told me EVERYONE knows that but me - and that I have actually pushed people out of the way to get the spot I want. Who knew?!

@Sighs I recently figured out that one of the reasons I pushed for the house we are currently living in is that it is a one story and I can see every room from any place in the house. How weird is that!

 

[scout86]

Wait! You mean everyone doesn't walk around the house while they're brushing their teeth?

 

[LuckiLee]

Scout, nope not everyone. J didn't even know he was doing it. Still in the army. That's what he did then... Checking his surroundings while the next guy uses the sink. (if there happened to be one around)

XO

 

[grimalkin]

When we'd go out with both my sufferer and my dad...my mom and I knew to take the seats without a view of the restaurant. My dad was never diagnosed (that I know of), but the more I learn, the more I'm convinced he had PTSD as well. Which explains why I never questioned my hubby's behavior, even though it was shitty - because it was so much like my dad's. :banghead:

Ex was just talking about moving to Arkansas (he has half-siblings there) because "I could buy a house really cheap!" I pointed out to him that he gets stressed out whenever he lives in a house (too much responsibility - yard, upkeep, cleaning, etc). "Oh. Yeah. I never thought of that before...but you're right." *headdesk*

 

[Changing4Best]

I have not read all the responses but I can say that as a sufferer I leave all my lights on sometimes and I do have a light that lights just about my whole apartment too. I leave that last one on 24/7. It is a tall lamp. It's light somehow reflects or shines directly on all the things in my living room, my kitchen (because of a window between these 2 rooms) and the bedroom. I have a nightlight in the bathroom, because it is dark in that end of the house.

When I am sensing danger, I put the extra lock on my door.

Then I try to do stuff that gets my mind off of danger or trouble. Creative things work best for me. The other things that help are mindfulness and grounding techniques.

 

[joeylittle]

reopened