I’m tired of being numb

[KwanYingirl]

I have four mental illnesses. PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and Chemical brain injury. If it isn’t one thing, it’s another. I like putting things in the right category. If it goes under PTSD, I have the least hope of improvement. But I think it’s the umbrella that all the others percolate under.
I find it very difficult to feel joy. The closest I’ve gotten to joy is having children, but they keep their distance from me.
I feel like I’m missing out because I am an introvert and struggle to take part in social situations that most people find heartwarming.
If its depression then why don’t my meds work? If it’s Borderline, then it’s attachment issues. I try to connect but I’m not good at it.
I feel melancholy. Unless I’m working and then I am genuinely interested in my work and the relationships I have with my clients. But the workday ends and I go home and just feel numb.
Is it even useful to ponder which of my disorders is responsible for what? I think I must have Vitamin D deficiency because when I go tanning, it elevates my mood.
Why am I numb?

 

[jade53]

@KwanYingirl

I don't want to come across as anything but interested and caring here, but if I believe I really have anything but PTSD and those other disorders I'm supposed to have too which I'm told are inherent, I'm sure I'd also still feel continually numb. After too many misinterpretations that can never be corrected with a Psychiatrist, I prefer thinking I have a right to display NPD symptoms after the first diagnosis from a real quack was that I'm bipolar.,Which undoubtedly only contributed to the PTSD.

Never mind thinking of what flavor diagnosis was put on you, have faith in yourself and be positive. If you're on meds you're probably right that your D3 is insufficient and maybe a few other minerals like Magnesium. Even if not on meds Magnesium is also considered a mood stabilizer and probably wouldn't hurt.

Not being facetious look into things like that and you might feel more vibrant than numb. It can't hurt. .

.

 

[whiteraven]

Disorders are simply labels. They are thought up by individuals or panels and put into play to help in the development of treatment modalities.

I believe that keeping one's self preoccupied with the "disorder" just allows them to avoid the real issues - the why of the depression or anxiety. I still do this all the time, and only when I can let go of the labels can I really come to an understanding about the root cause of my feelings.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way! Have you asked that feeling of numbness what purpose it serves? I know that probably sounds crazy, but it always helps me to embrace the feeling and try to understand it.

 

[shimmerz]

Numb or frozen? I have found along the way that I was calling numb the wrong thing. I was frozen.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I’m learning to ask these questions to my animal spirits via my Shaman. She Intuit’s my energies and either by journeying or simply a reiki session, I get clarity. Too bad she’s having a blast in Spain at the moment!!