Relationship I’ve left him and he doesn’t care

[Sweetpea76]

f*ck that guy right in the ear @Sighs. He's been telling you everything is your fault for 5 years. It wasn't your fault. It was his fault for not getting his own shit taken care of.

He's not ready to move on, he is looking for his next caretaker/victim/ATM. He's not going to find the love of his life or some wonderful woman who can snap him out of this shit and make him happy... that's a fairytale. Remember what you say about fairytales?

I agree about grieving. That's a healthy and normal emotion. I know it probably seems weird to be able to express healthy emotions and feelings after all this time of modulating your reactions and behaviors. You'll be the one who actually processes, heals, overcomes, and learns from all this. You'll have peace and this will be something he'll regret forever.

 

[Hojay]

I second everything that’s been said and would add: you didn’t make him this way, you didn’t turn him into this. This is who he is. No matter the mistakes you’ve made, his actions and reactions were his choice. We simply don’t have the power to turn decent and kind human beings into abusers by virtue of our faults. They either are that, or they’re not.

I get how you’re feeling, sighs. It’s sadly par for the course to think nobody else will ever come along. But I don’t have a single example of that having been the case. Hang in there. It’ll go up and down but soon you’ll wake up one morning and realize you haven’t thought about him at all.

 

[blackemerald1]

Yeah must agree with everything said so far @Sighs. Give yourself some time now. When you left it was fuelled by the 'last straw' and realising he was never going to behave decently. There was a lot of emotion and rightly so.

Now...that things are starting to cool down a little that horrible little 'doubter' voice creeps back into your internal conversation. Don't listen - not to one word.

Give it some time...just time and doing things for yourself and you will be just fine. :hug:

 

[Mytime]

I don’t think I could add anymore, then what’s been said. Just know we are all here for you. We send out a group hug.
:hug:

 

[Never_falter2]

I agree with what @shimmerz said. I was worried about you because reading your posts I thought he wasn’t treating your right, but then I thought that it was not my place to make such judgement and I did not say anything.

Now that I heard about the bathwater and stuff like this I wished I had said something earlier.

I hope you do not think how he treated you has something to do with you, this is about him not about you, and it speaks loudly about who he is is but it says nothing about who you are and what you deserve.
But the fact you still treated him lovingly says everything about you and that you deserve the best.

BTW @everybody and really off-topic and not really important, but I just do not like stereotyping people because if their class and I really do not think all people who happen to be royalty feel the same about themselves (like wishing to make people bath in their old bath water or telling them which nail colours to wear)... I do not know any royalty but I assume that they are just people who have been born into this and differ very much when it comes to character and attitude... yeah... I get that he is not even royalty but comparing him to them just because he does something you do not like... don‘t think it is fair.

 

[LuckiLee]

Those comments about royalty were a dig at him. Not royalty.

And yes. The fact she still treated him with love and kindness speaks volumes about Sighs.

 

[Never_falter2]

Re „Royality“; yes. I get this but I still think it isn‘t fair... cause it is like sayig a person who only thinks about money is „thinks he is a Jew“... cause I highly doubt all royality or even most royality make you bath in your old bath water... if I was royality (which I am not) my first thought would be „how can I use my privilege to serve other people“ and not how to tell others which nail polish to use. Yeah, but it is really, really off topic and sorry for derailing this thread. Just thinking out loud... and will shut up now.

 

[Sweetpea76]

The royalty comment was because royalty have rules about the color of nail polish... just like her sufferer had rules for her nail polish.

Nobody is having a go at Royalty.

 

[Hojay]

@Never_falter I’m not happy to be going off-topic on this thread especially, but maybe this can help clarify so you can participate if you wish and not feel like groups are being stigmatized: there is no comparable royalty in the US/UK/Australian region as there is in the German-speaking region. When English speakers refer to royalty, they’re not speaking about the “von und zu” that live their day to day like we do (most are not familiar with a pedestrian cast of royalty,) they’re mostly referring to the monarchy in England, which we all know has strict set of rules about dress and conduct. By the way sigh’s ex was acting he’d have fit right in with the Queen’s rules of etiquette. In any case, at least British royalty has centuries to back up their authority. Sigh’s ex, not so much.

 

[Never_falter2]

@Hojay: I am heartbroken I derailed this thread which wasn’t my intention. I was a little drunk yesterday:wacky::wacky::wacky::wacky:. I am very sorry @Sighs. I would love to answer but I am not going to do this on this thread because that would not be right. I would love to start another thread about reverse classism and why I think it is bad, but @shimmerz I do not want to “call you out“ or something like this.

 

[shimmerz]

I do not want to “call you out“ or something like this.

Yet you did. I chose not to bite.

I was a little drunk yesterday:wacky::wacky:

I would suggest making it a personal rule not to specifically refer to a user when 'a little drunk'. I have no interest in dealing with your altered states.

 

[Never_falter2]

I was not in an altered state. I was a little drunk so I said something when I would have otherwise bitten my tongue, because social class is not the topic of this thread. We should not discuss this in this thread. I am going to start another thread. I am not going to tag you in this thread because I do not want to single you out, but please feel free to join... and I did not mean it to be a personal attack. Reverse classism is just a topic I feel strongly about maybe because in my country it showed it bad effects.