Lilac Wine
New Here
Hi All
I hope you are having 'better days' today, the sun is shinning here, I hope it is where you are too. xxx
I thought I would say hello as I am new here. My main issue at the moment is nightmares & I shall speak more about this below but first a quick bit about me.
I am a survivor or childhood abuse, my mother physically & verbally abused me & as an adolescent I also received some abuse from older siblings. I am 45. In my early 20's I decided to walk away from my family (I was being scapegoated anyway) only making the occasional visit to my parents & phone calls home. As years went by those visits/calls dwindled finally ending in 2009 when I could take no more of Mother's negativity. She apologiesd to me four days before she died in 2011 .
I tried to step back into the fold of my family, especially to support my grieving father after she died. It worked for just over a year before my nasty bitter sister, who is a narcissistic as was my Mother could not help herself. It was clear I was being scapegoated again. It left me shattered & in need of a therapist - I found a good one (after having so many crap ones!!), he made me feel normal again & said to me, "from what you have described, it is clear to me that you are being scapegoated". He diagnosed me with Complex PTSD.
I had one session of emdr which revealed that I had survivors guilt (my sisters fiance was murdered, I knew the murderer & he involved me a little in his plan, only I didn't know that at age 11) locked up in my child ego state - bl00dy brilliant locating that as I had no idea. It was good to shed that guilt after 34 years of unwittingly carrying it around - an unknown heavy burden on my shoulders. Unfortunately money has run out so I have put therapy on hold.
That was a few months ago and here I am.
Lately my PTSD has flared up again due to unintentionally becoming an animal rights activist the upside of this is that it has given me a sense of purpose as I also volunteer at an animal sanctuary. I am having terrible nightmares since part of the course of animal rights means I see disturbing graphic images & read how abhorrent some humans can be, not to mention how many companies test their products on animals - utter bast@rds (poor animals). Learning about the farming industry in general & also slaughterhouse practices was a big eye opener - what the industry doesn't want you to know led me to a vegan lifestyle (compassion for all species, human animals and non human animals & on that note, love to you all).
I am now looking for ways to relieve the nightmares. Naturally I am taking a break from the graphic images & information, however wanting to keep in touch with friends on facebook means I stumble across them as I have many animal rights contacts (friends). Practicing mindfulness morning & night, making sure I am in the moment & not dissociating when on the motorway is a must when my PTSD hits an all time high.
If anyone has other thoughts on how to alleviate nightmares and improve sleep quality, I am all ears & will be pleased to make your acquaintance.
xxxx
I hope you are having 'better days' today, the sun is shinning here, I hope it is where you are too. xxx
I thought I would say hello as I am new here. My main issue at the moment is nightmares & I shall speak more about this below but first a quick bit about me.
I am a survivor or childhood abuse, my mother physically & verbally abused me & as an adolescent I also received some abuse from older siblings. I am 45. In my early 20's I decided to walk away from my family (I was being scapegoated anyway) only making the occasional visit to my parents & phone calls home. As years went by those visits/calls dwindled finally ending in 2009 when I could take no more of Mother's negativity. She apologiesd to me four days before she died in 2011 .
I tried to step back into the fold of my family, especially to support my grieving father after she died. It worked for just over a year before my nasty bitter sister, who is a narcissistic as was my Mother could not help herself. It was clear I was being scapegoated again. It left me shattered & in need of a therapist - I found a good one (after having so many crap ones!!), he made me feel normal again & said to me, "from what you have described, it is clear to me that you are being scapegoated". He diagnosed me with Complex PTSD.
I had one session of emdr which revealed that I had survivors guilt (my sisters fiance was murdered, I knew the murderer & he involved me a little in his plan, only I didn't know that at age 11) locked up in my child ego state - bl00dy brilliant locating that as I had no idea. It was good to shed that guilt after 34 years of unwittingly carrying it around - an unknown heavy burden on my shoulders. Unfortunately money has run out so I have put therapy on hold.
That was a few months ago and here I am.
Lately my PTSD has flared up again due to unintentionally becoming an animal rights activist the upside of this is that it has given me a sense of purpose as I also volunteer at an animal sanctuary. I am having terrible nightmares since part of the course of animal rights means I see disturbing graphic images & read how abhorrent some humans can be, not to mention how many companies test their products on animals - utter bast@rds (poor animals). Learning about the farming industry in general & also slaughterhouse practices was a big eye opener - what the industry doesn't want you to know led me to a vegan lifestyle (compassion for all species, human animals and non human animals & on that note, love to you all).
I am now looking for ways to relieve the nightmares. Naturally I am taking a break from the graphic images & information, however wanting to keep in touch with friends on facebook means I stumble across them as I have many animal rights contacts (friends). Practicing mindfulness morning & night, making sure I am in the moment & not dissociating when on the motorway is a must when my PTSD hits an all time high.
If anyone has other thoughts on how to alleviate nightmares and improve sleep quality, I am all ears & will be pleased to make your acquaintance.
xxxx
