I Am Able To Talk With Family

[Deleted member 38242]

Today is the first time in 39 years I could talk to my sister, and about my life. She had a completely different one, and she knows it, but usually cuts me off, and dominates a close. I had a whole 10 minute conversation, and got to say a few things. She did cut me off with "it's not my fault mom and dad did that. I was 12, and I had to babysit you at 4 all summer, and after school." She still gets so angry about that. And raising me from 3-10. It's a very long story of kind of an insane reality I had compared to others within my family structure. I'm just glad after 39 years with school, and counseling I got 10 min, and she did acknowledge why I have PTSD boarding on DID with out dominating me, and shutting me down. She kind of understood for a second before she started feeling bad and getting defensive. It's been an insane life with them. I got 10 min, and had words with controlled positive emotions where no one was to blame. It was just a fact. I feel victorious. It wasn't my fault for a second it just was. They messed up my head in order to survive, and get better. But just my words, energy, and body language shows I'm recovering. I could let her into my personal life for 10 min, and not be shut down so she didn't hurt, or feel bad. I was acknowledged as a human outside of her wants, and needs. A small thing, but a huge victory. It gives me hope.

 

[GrayOwl]

No analysis offered, just simply congratulations.
Out of all those years, 10 minutes is a lot.

It's like stepping on the moon.
I am very happy for you.

Hopefully life will bestow more understanding and compassion and more can happen.
Welcome, as well, to the website. Being here has helped me to learn and grow and heal.
I've found many great people here and made some close friends.

I like your name as well. It speaks highly. Dogs are good judges of character.:happy:

 

[Finchlet2]

Thankyou for this awesome post. I've genuinely lost count of how many years I've been estranged from my family for including my siblings but its been at least fifteen years or some shit so this gives me hope.

 

[Deleted member 38242]

Thankyou for this awesome post. I've genuinely lost count of how many years I've been estranged from...

I was the scapegoat, and problem in a narcissistic family system with slightly mentally ill parents. My psychiatrists have said they were mentally ill, but when i brought it up and mentioned it they all tried to kick me back into being the "mentally ill" one. Serious alcoholism and combat ptsd wasn't the problem it was me from 4 years on when they started picking on me to be on a "diet" I wasnt even fat back then, but it took the focus off them. I love them, but I took alot of abuse to keep them in my life, and didnt even realize it until a breakdown three years ago, and then this year I made a breakthrough with hopefully the last nervous breakdown Ill ever have. If i get healthy, and a better sense of humor about this I'm writing a book because its so rediculas it could be a greak tragedy.
Anyway whatever the issue sometimes being estranged is the best, but others getting to the point where you can be strong enough to work through it is best. They do support me, and no longer in a crazy controled psycho insulting way now, but I fought with everything I have for it.
Sometimes friends are better than family anyway. I wish I woukd have known that, and knew myself, and had this strength at 17, or 18. Live would have been amazing, but it is what it is. Im just hoping for peace and happiness in the later part of life. Id like to die with atleat a good 20 years under my belt. I have a few pieced together now in sections just not consistantly.
Were here for you, and its not family, but its sometimes better than what we were born into.