I Am Best Friends With My Therapist, Is That A Bad Thing?

[Awimob]

An ethical counsellor or psychotherapist will have what is called a "supervisor". This is another experienced therapist who has (ideally) been trained in how to supervise other therapists. One of the main roles of the supervisor is to watch their supervisee's back.... to give the supervisee a place they can bring ethical dilemmas they are aware of (eg safeguarding) and also to raise the supervisee's awareness of potential ethical dilemmas the therapist may not be aware of. Another part of the supervisors job is to give an unbiased second opinion, and point out the therapists blind spots and areas for development.

This is why I mentioned being unethical now..... because if your therapist beached the therapeutic boundary in the past and their supervisor wasn't on the ball enough to head them off, then your friend may still be practising with either inadequate or non-existent supervision. This is unethical.

Any well trained therapist will know that to move from a therapeutic relationship to a friendship involving meeting outside the therapy arena is unethical and fraught with risk to the client. To ignore this indicates the therapist is using the client to meet an unmet need in themselves. This is exactly the kind of thing a competent supervisor will be looking out for.

If you are in a rural area then things have to be more fluid around dual relationships, which requires the therapist to be even more aware of ethical issues and the need for rock solid supervision.

 

[Zagup]

I don't think she is supervised. I understand what you are saying but I am unsure about is how is this harmful to me? What could happen?

 

[Sasus]

A psychotherapist who is unsupervised is acting unethically..... full stop, end of story. It's one of the fundamentals designed to protect clients (and therapists) from themselves. The profession has learned this the hard way!

Therapeutic relationships are designed to end, and the ending is an important and growthful part of the process. The end of a friendship, particularly a close/intense one is generally traumatic in some way, and likely to have some negative emotional effects, even if they are temporary.

The risk is that if the friendship breaks down it's likely that the benefits of therapy may disappear AND the client will have significant barriers around trusting psychological professionals again. So not only is there a risk that current growth is reversed, but this is compounded by the client finding it difficult to access professional support in the future.

There is also the issue of returning to therapy. If you, as client, keep a secret about the previous therapist out of loyalty, knowing that they acted unethically, you will not be able to be open with the new therapist, which is likely to have an impact on the new therapeutic relationship.

The effects are similar to having a love affair with the therapist, ethics and boundaries go out the window, it's all wonderful while it's wonderful, but it's the client not the therapist that gets psychologically burnt when things go south.

 

[Kavice]

EX therapist? Would you see someone else if you need one or is she still 'treating' you. I can see the confusion since besties tell each other everything, but you crossed a line and may need to find a new T to be fair and honor a friendship. I am not convinced you need to run like your hair is on fire.

 

[Zagup]

She is an ex therapist. I saw her for 2 years and then she suggested that I would be someone she would be friends with, so we decided to do that. I went for a few more times but something definitely changed we we stopped.

 

[Ujala]

A psychotherapist who is unsupervised is acting unethically..... full stop, end of story

Different countries, different rules.

In the US Psychologists, LCSWs, Psychiatrists, etc., (top tier practitioners) have several thousand supervisory hours required in the beginning of their practice, but not ongoing throughout their entire career. Ongoing education & credits, to maintain their licenses, yes. But not supervision.

Lower tier practitioners don't generally have supervision at all, at any point in their career.

 

[Rewek]

Of course things changed when you stopped. Otherwise it would be really wierd. If you are not interested in maintaining this friendship because you cannot get past the history, it is ok to let it go. But that history will always be there so it is up to you to accept it if you want to stay friends. Maybe it is something you can talk honestly about with her but I am not sure what you need to hear. It sounds like it is a bit of a hurdle for you.

 

[Ubas]

Many thanks for your post Ujala....you've stimulated some interesting conversations with US acquaintances who back up your post. It appears that the US has a very different approach to ethics than the EU, relying almost entirely on CPD type training. EU accrediting bodies include continual supervision and appropriate personal therapy as equally important in maintaining an ethical therapeutic stance.

I hold to my view that a therapist who does not have a regular supervisory conversation with an suitably trained and experienced colleague is not acting ethically, regardless of whether it's written into the rules of the state or accrediting body. The reasons I have been given for supervision, and their universal incorporation into professional practice across many sectors in the EU indicate to me the value of this view.

Maybe the key to finding a good therapist in the US is asking .... "Are you in regular supervision? and/or "How would you handle an ethical problem?"

 

[Zagup]

I think the relationship is good. My husband is worried that I am vulnerable to the relationship because of how it started. I am just worried that I don't see it. He feels that we see each other very often and he feels it is very intense. I think it is intense but I think it is in a good way. I just worry that maybe I am blind to what he sees.

 

[Ebiva]

I agree with the replies on while this may be a positive seeming relationship, if you asked another professional they would say this is a HUGE therapy no-no.
Even if its a friendship, I think your husband sees the intimacy of conversations that occured before therapist/client relationship ended. If you guys are still talking about therapy type convos presently, then it's even worse because you havent truly severed that relationship essentially. The room, pillows, and payment may be gone, but ask yourself if you are still seeking her therapy/advice but have told yourself its on a friendship level?
The way I would compare it even though this is a different case, is its like if someone were to go to a therapist, they start to have sexual feelings for eachother, then cut off the therapy because they know thats not professional, but then they start a romantic relationship. Just because they are no longer your therapist does not make this right. The whole point of a therapist is to be a safe, yet separate relationship to help heal you. Friends, lovers, etc., should always be separate by professional standards. Sorry if this sounds a little blunt, but this is really risky stuff here. As you stated, she and others could lose their license over this stuff. Plus if its causing your at home relationship distress, that's a big red flag too. Try to keep an open mind and sit down with your significant other and talk about in depth.

 

[Depa]

Hi,
I have a very unusual situation.I started seeing my therapist as a young girl of 14.He became a Father figure and friend throughout my life,he is also my sons Godfather. When repressed memories/flashbacks started coming out this year I turned to him for help.He has been a Dr of psychology in practice for forty years and is amazing at what he does.He knows everything about me.He did not hesitate to give me therapy,he calls me once a week (we live in different states). Without this mans help I do believe I would be in a hospital. My sisters stuff started coming up a few years ago and she almost died,was hospitalized.I do believe it is possible Against the "rules" perhaps,so is being compassionate,hugging your patients.I feel that if therapists were to be more compassionate,therapy would be more successful.

 

[Uji]

One thing I have found is, it is good to come to this forum for advice, but no one understands your relationship or situation better than you. Many people can make judgement based on very little information, however, ultimately you know what is right for you and what is not. I read somewhere about laws or ethical standards where a therapist must/should wait two years to attempt any kind of relationship with a client. Your friend knows the rules and takes responsibility for herself. Whether she is doing something that can get her in trouble is her choice. I think the question from the other poster about whether she is still doing therapy on you is a valid concern. It sounds like maybe things are deeper than happy hour and chick flicks, and I am not sure how you create a solid boundary once you cross over. The intensity of a strong, supportive friendship is powerful, sometimes more so than a romantic relationship when you have never had such a connection.