I Am Best Friends With My Therapist, Is That A Bad Thing?

[Pejif]

We are about the same age so I guess I don't see the mother child thing.

Parent/child dynamics can happen in any relationship. They happen in marriages most frequently (or heard about most frequently). It would be a good thing to research on as my opinion is as well that its a parent/child dynamic which isn't healthy. Not in a friendship and not in a marriage, not in any relationship.

 

[Ivano]

And a bit back you said your current therapist sees no issue with this relationship. Do they know everything you are typing here? If so then that is an issue in of itself.

I don't see as much of an issue with this due to how it started (though that was the fuel for this), I see an issue with her requiring full honesty which is what i do with my therapist, not my friends. And how pulled to her you feel where you don't want to have relationships with other people. You just want to hang with her. And i missed her telling you she loved you. Thats a bit creepy all on its own.

You've got to see, with it laid, there issues here. Big ones. I feel you wouldn't of started this thread if you didn't. At least deep inside.

Back off a bit. Give this relationship room to breathe a bit and cool down and be TOTALLY AND FULLY 100% OPEN to your current therapist about this as if s/he sees nothing wrong here then theres something wrong with that by itself.

 

[Zagup]

Thank you for all your input. It is helpful. My current therapist does know everything. I am trying to sort things through.

 

[Ofut]

I think that clients who really are not highly educated about professional boundaries and relationships are most vulnerable to the people who unknowingly or knowingly exploit them.,

Clients of a professional therapist should not be in a position to "decide" if professional therapeutic breaches of the codes of conduct, and appropriate boundaries, training and supervision are or are not putting them in an even more vulnerable position.

This is a dangerous territory, and the people who pay for it at the end of the day are the vulnerable people who are being exploited, being being the "special" ones who get the approval, attention and friendship of their therapist. This, to me, fits the criteria of "grooming" that is done by sexual predators - emotional predators can be just as dangerous.

These situations end badly for the people in therapy who are often getting their needs addressed and feel heard, often for the first time in their lives. Those who have lived with immense deprivation are ripe for the picking as can be see in this thread and other such threads around the forum.

It also ends in people going back to reengage in a therapeutic relationship with people who have been in jail for their breeches of professional conduct, which doesn't seem very sensible to me. I have seen this occur even when those "professionals" have been involved with very serious breaches with children indeed. The vulnerable go back to the psychiatrist, the psychologist - because they "believe" that these people have been "falsely" accused. It is not that these people are stupid or immoral - it is just when those deep, deep, deep unmet needs start to get addressed they are so immensely vulnerable, because to not have had it all your life and to suddenly get it - it is almost impossible to walk away from a situation like that. That is why the professional guides to ethical conduct, policies, procedures and etc exist to protect those who have been through such immense pain, suffering and trauma.

You are all smart people, so get very familiar with the ethical codes of conduct and professional guidelines and principles - so you understand what is really going on in these situations. However, I full understand that for most people - even knowing all this - they can't walk away - so it is a very difficult situation to manage.

I would also suggest learning about transference and countertransference.

 

[Zagup]

That all makes a lot of sense. That my needs are getting met finally and that is very difficult to walk away from. That is all very true. So I am stuck and I feel a strong pull in the relationship. i have read a lot about transference and countertransference but it never tells you how to break free from the transference it just talks about what it is.

 

[Epiv]

That all makes a lot of sense. That my needs are getting met finally and that is very difficult to walk away from. That is all very true. So I am stuck and I feel a strong pull in the relationship. i have read a lot about transference and countertransference but it never tells you how to break free from the transference it just talks about what it is.

Of course you can't walk away when your needs are finally being meet! That is so normal. There is nothing wrong with that! You have been so brave to actually talk about this and process it and to read all the different points of view. I couldn't walk away. I just wasn't able to - you have my complete empathy and compassion for being in this situation. You really do. I know the place that you are in - and no matter what people said to me. I couldn't walk away.

 

[Ohoma]

Positive transference is a very hard thing to walk away from.

I wrote about being friends with a therapist then a client and then friends again...

I did have to end a positive therapeutic relationship (not friendship) with a therapist that moved away. We knew months in advance and it was so hard, and yet really strangely healing. I didn't expect that at all.

What helped me pull back was working on other relationships and working on the relationship I had with myself and getting needs met with others. It wasn't as strong or as powerful with others, but it helped. It also helped to really working on defining boundaries - what is me, what isn't me, and doing it in small steps. Really remembering that I get to keep everything good about a connection with me. That doesn't go away because there is reater distance in a relationship or because it ends, but it gets to stay with me.

Some of the process also involved grief. Blunt grief and walking through what it feels like to grieve that I didn't get what I needed as a kid or before the good relationship where there was a ton of positive transference.

For info online about it, look up how to resolve erotic transference - while that's different in quality, it's very much the same kind of pattern as with strong positive transference.

It is generally easier to work through it when it happens in therapy and the therapist holds the professional boundaries - but you do have a therapist now who might be able to help. (And if not, don't hesitate to consult with others and find one skilled at helping resolve transference with others. It's not common, but they are out there.)

 

[Upubac]

So I am stuck and I feel a strong pull in the relationship.

\
Impossible to walk away from in my opinion, in the situation that you are in.

I have read a lot about transference and countertransference but it never tells you how to break free from the transference it just talks about what it is.

It will take a very long time, if at all possible. Don't even think about leaving the relationship. Just really give yourself lots of TLC.

Keep going to your new therapist. Is this person properlly trained and in supervision? It would be good to know about that aspect of it.

You would have to form other relationships and feel very secure within them before you could even begin to think about how to manage this "friendship". Be kind to yourself. Learn about Self Compassion. Just keep doing something loving and caring for yourself each and every day.

Intellectual understanding is very, very, very different from emotional understanding. So be kind to yourself for knowing. That is brave that you are allowed yourself to know.

 

[Zagup]

Thank you for saying it is normal not to be able to walk away. It is such a strong pull and I try to pull away but then I go right back. I have a lot of other relationships and I am close but this one is soooo different. I just want to do anything I can for her and I don't think of the consequences.
My therapist now is properly trained, I am not sure about supervision.

 

[Ipagi]

Thank you for saying it is normal not to be able to walk away.

It is the truth. It is too hard to walk away from that particular pull. It is why all that stuff is meant to be in place to protect clients. I really feel for you. I totally understand why it is that you can't walk away.

It is such a strong pull and I try to pull away but then I go right back.

It is soooooooooo hypnotic and mersmerising.

I have a lot of other relationships and I am close but this one is soooo different.

Okay.

I just want to do anything I can for her and I don't think of the consequences.

I so get that.

You are in a tremendously difficult pickle.

My therapist now is properly trained, I am not sure about supervision.

I would be curious to know what proper training is considered to be in the general area that you live.

 

[Owate]

I would be curious to know what proper training is considered to be in the general area that you live.

I was just wondering that myself as their current therapist saw no issue with this "friendship" (the last I read) and that is an issue in of itself. To me it's blanet as to why this isn't healthy. If another therapist sees nothing wrong with it there is another issue there.

Maybe it's blanet to me due to my experience with "counselors" before my current therapist and maybe I am wrong but this seems so very unhealthy and even harmful.

Impossible to walk away from in my opinion, in the situation that you are in.

Very hard but I don't think impossible. With help of another therapist (that sees this is an issue) and they can start to work on it and slowly pull away.

I agree with another poster that seeking support from others can loosen this up a bit.

 

[Zagup]

I live in the North east.

I'm not sure if it is because I am high functioning and work in mental health.