I Am Disgusted With Myself... {bby Doll's Story Pt. 2}

[XXbabydollXX]

Hi. If you want to know my story click this link. I don't want to repeat it because it will make me feel more depressed. https://www.myptsd.com/threads/scared-of-the-monster-bb-dolls-story.64463/
Ok. So I had a mental breakdown 3 months ago. I tried to commit suicide by slitting my wrists with a box cutter and failed epically. My mom came home and called the CPS. For a couple of weeks I had to see social workers and then a judge who allowed me to refuse all contact with those shit stains due to my age. I have problems with flashbacks and hypersexuality. I feel like my symptoms line up with Bipolar. I have sexual thoughts that happen without relevancy to what's happening around me. I also felt like this as a little girl. I still feel like one even though I am almost an adult. I feel like a slut due to what that shit stain did to me. I have body memories. I could sit and have a flashback in public and act "normal" yet I can feel him you know.... inside me. This makes me feel like nothing is worth it.

 

[Justmehere]

You. are. not. a. slut.

Your abuser wants to you believe that you are disgusting and they are wrong. Absolutely wrong.

I hope that one day you will be able to believe the truth: you are a strong and amazing survivor.

 

[XXbabydollXX]

You. are. not. a. slut.

Your abuser wants to you believe that you are disgusting and they are wron...

Thanks. I don't feel like one

 

[ladee]

@BlkBabydollxx , what does being a survivor look like to you? Or feel like? What do you think a Survivor is?

You answered so honestly. Would really be interested in your viewpoint on this.
I hear you.

 

[XXbabydollXX]

@BlkBabydollxx , what does being a survivor look like to you? Or feel like? What do yo...

Are survivors supposed to feel like heros

 

[ladee]

Sometimes..when we have survided the abuse, the endless shame, and all the other horrendous things done to our mind, body and soul..and we continue on.

We ask for help. Find out others feel like we do. Have had the same experiences and know we aren't alone.

We don't get a cape, or a trophy or a diamond encrusted watch.

But hero's walk with their head up. Take pride in having conquered our past and have changed.

And we are hero's to each other! We watch people struggle with pain we don't think we will live thru.

You are a hero for sharing your story. Some one else sees your post and is encouraged to reach out...because you did.
A lot of paying it forward is what real heros do.
What survivors do..we lend hope.

 

[The Albatross]

Heros? Not necessarily... (I don't) though I expect it's a broad spectrum.

 

[XXbabydollXX]

Heros? Not necessarily... (I don't) though I expect it's a broad spectrum.

I agree

 

[XXbabydollXX]

Sometimes..when we have survided the abuse, the endless shame, and all the other horrendous things done t...

Thanks but I feel shitty and depressed

 

[ladee]

Its ok...part of the process. Its not right or wrong.
Need to share more of what's going on?
I'm listening.