I Am Furious

[Deleted member 487]

Femaleveteran, I have been in similar situations, so let me give my view and experience.

You're right- no one has any right to know everything about you. What they want and what they need are two totally separate issues. I deal with that as well. And so often my disability advocates do not understand, simply because they havn't been there. But you know something? I made it through dealing with all of that. I made it through my way- I got closer to Jesus. Now please do not think that I am saying that you must get closer to any deity or religion. Far from it. But that is what I did.

People do not understand the complexity of PTSD. They fail to realize that they only learn bits and pieces from us, not the whole game and not even the game plan. No matter how hard you or I try to explain to them, they will never understand until they are there themselves.

If they think that you are hiding something, maybe you should lay it out for them so they can understand? You know, simple stuff. Like what I have told others when I have faced the same predicament. "You bet I'm not telling you everything, because it's none of your damn business!" usually works. Sometimes it doesn't, and when that happens I usually get my face slapped. If they want to know the deep inner secrets of my life and the hells and horrors I have to live with, then you bet I have every right to know equally as much about them. Strange how they don't like that idea.

Something that is missed is why they really need that information. It's because you and I have something they don't- we have our lives before us. they have nothing. You and I, we know who we are. Yeah, I know. Sometimes I doubt I am who I am. Disassociation hits even me. I sometimes come up with this idea that I'm really from another planet stuck here on Earth inside a human body. But it's not so. I'm human. Have been my entire life and will be until I die. But these people that bother us, well, they have nothing in their lives. That makes them nosy. They feel better about themselves. They *know* these little secrets about you and I, and by golly that makes them special! You and I, we don't give a damn about the inner secrets of others. You and I, we have a lot in common. But we're still so totally different. You had your war, hun. I have mine.

And no one on God's Green Earth has any right or business questioning your integrity. They can go straight to hell.
I have had to deal with that lately. My boss questioned my integrity, and like I have done at every job I held where that was an issue, I told him where to shove it.

I know that you have a very special and extremely lucky man in your life. ven then, consider this a cyber hug, to let you know that you're not alone. Yeah I know. It feels like it. Well, sometimes those feelings can be quite deceiving.

 

[Ted Moen]

What gives anyone the right that they think they should know everything about you right from the get gop. And then if you do not tell them everything right from the beginning they assume you are hiding something or not being truthful or that you do not really have pTSd. What am I supposed to talk about nearly being blown to bits by an IED...am I supposed to explain the smell fo the explosion and the bodies burning....am I supposed to explain how while injured I had to pull my driver out of our burning humvee?
am I supposed to explain all the other terrible crap that happened while I served three and and ahalf tours in that god forsaken hellhole of a sandTRAP...and that is what is was...a.sand box is something kids PLAY in/...IRAQ was a SAND TRAP.>FV

It's not about them. Yes, we need to share those images and feelings with a safe, trained person (preferably a clinical psychologist). We need to work throught all those intense feelings we had to stuff because we had to do what we had to do to survive at the time. So if the person that triggered you was a trained therapist, it's not that they need to know, it's more that they need to get you to express those stuffed feelings to get the theraputic process rolling. If the person that triggered you was not a trained therapist, they don't need details, they can not comprehend the smell of burning flesh and the image of a person being incinerated no matter how many movies they have seen; all they need to know it you are having challenges and need some space.

So someone triggered some intense thoughts and feelings. Now it's all about what you do while the thoughts and feelings are passing, what you learn about yourself and how you learn to live a little better with ptsd today.

Ted