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I am getting married in nine days!

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I did five hours with my sister, and it was uncomfortable at times, but also really touching and lovely at times, and really hard when she is in her stuff, and hard for me when I am in my stuff, but mostly we did okay. It is what it is, they have gone to their hotel, which is really good. That is enough for today. It is not her fault or my fault that we trigger each other, I let stuff go, and she let stuff go.

I organised the menu for the wedding lunch. We will have 12 people there I think it will be. I had better count and get back to them on that. The woman was really lovely! I explained how my Father had dementia and we wanted him to be at the wedding, how the wedding was in two years, I did explain that he was my Papa Bear, Father in Law to be, but her English wasn't the best, my anxiety means I am not communicating as well, and she was interrupted with people hugging and kissing her for half an hour due to their once per year visit, but despite that it all worked out. So in the end she kept asking me about my Father, so I told her about Papa Bear. Yes I am avoidant, and I leave things to the last minute. But it will all be okay.

My sister gave me something borrowed, (her bag), and something blue (her bag and a few other things) and something new (a few new things) it was really sweet. She also gave us a photograph book filled out with photos of the two of us, and them, and that was really sweet. Really sweet indeed.

She did come into our home and start cleaning up and tidying up, and changing things around, wanting to move furniture and made her bed for tomorrow night. This was hard, but I let it go, that is the way she manages (or doesn't) her anxiety. So I helped and went a bit, it got too much, so I went and dyed my hair, and that was good. She told me she wasn't being controlling but wanted me to have a good life and good things, and I just nodded, (she was being terribly controlling! but hey!) because you know, she is doing her best, and I am doing my best.

Family is hard when there has been so much trauma. And I do feel a bit sad that my other siblings are not here, but I kept challenging my thoughts, this is a later on thought, this is a sad thought, this is a regret throught, this is an etc thought.

But I did okay, and when my partner asked me how I was I said okay, and he said the clock is ticking and how excited he is about that, so I was able to listen to him. So I was a bit there for him.
 
Thank you for the good wishes! They mean a lot.

My wedding is today in an hour!

Okay so I went Radical Acceptance instead of getting cranky. I did make a couple of semi cranky comments but mostly I was good because B leaves everything to the last minute, and anything that can not get done he just leaves it. I took care of the bird's injured leg, and changed her thingy. I have a strategy for managing my sister today. So that is good.

B just left and we had a loving moment before he left. That was good. So Radical Acceptance is of course the way to go, and because I did that I didn't ruin my day.

I did actually binge eat last night. Not the best but I think we can consign most of my eating to comfort eating when I do that, and that is a lot less often. Family is hard, and occasions when you don't have family because of the trauma is hard, despite this I am going to have a good day. I am labelling my thoughts - thoughts for another time, sad thoughts, of course I have some sad thoughts for all the losses, these sad thoughts are for another time, angry thoughts, - these thoughts are for another time, - anger - radical acceptance because why wouldn't I be hjovering out the dog hair the morning of my wedding, of course it is meant to be! Radical Acceptance. So I am doing well.
 
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Go raibh tú daibhir i mí-áidh
Agus saibhir i mbeannachtaí
Go mall ag déanamh namhaid, go luath a déanamh carad,
Ach saibhir nó daibhir, go mall nó go luath,
Nach raibh ach áthas agat
Ón lá seo amach!


May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in blessings,
Slow to make enemies,
quick to make friends,
But rich or poor, quick or slow,
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward!

Sláinte agus táinte!
 
I did really well with this.

My anxiety of my sister's behaviour was well founded. She behaved appallingly. We have not seen each other since. Which is such a relief! It was good to become aware of it all.

It was so special that my partner's Dad, Papa Bear was alive to be there. We played Bocci together yesterday and it was wonderful!
 
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