I am likely going to die alone

[Gementa]

I accept that I am going to die with no one around. I want to find a quiet section of woods to die in.

 

[Terry G]

Your life means everything. There IS someone out there who cares. I care, whoever reads this will care. Don't give up. Please don't give up x

 

[Survivor3]

I accept that I am going to die with no one around. I want to find a quiet section of woods to die in.

Hello @gementa. how long have you been suicidal for? Is there anything else you could do that would make you feel better? What has happened in your life?

 

[arfie]

now ya got me singing along with randy newman. . . thank you.

"you're alone when you come in this world
"you're alone when you go
"it doesn't matter who you are
"it doesn't matter who you know." ~heaven is my home

my first choice would be to ride a tornado, but them suckers is hard to catch. under a tree in the woods is my second choice. now to see if the powers that be are going to respect my preferences this time. there is what i want and then there is what i get. think i'll just let the mystery be.

 

[ellzeena]

When you die in the woods animals get to your body before anyone else does. Also, you might never be found. This doesn't even address what this is going to do to your mother whose life will be totally destroyed, forever. These are real life consequences I wish someone had told my daughter. We are not in control of ourselves when we make a decision like this, something else is, the illness. There's always a psychological failure when anyone acts on suicidal ideation, there has to be or I would have been able to do it and I can't. Whatever mental health mechanism is in place in my brain, it's solid, it's not going anywhere, and it's 100% stopping me. I've had ideas about how to be free of my horrible grief and daily agony because I lost my daughter to her mental illness, lots of ideas. I even reserved a camping spot in a local state park last year on a day when no one else had made a reservation. I realized this isn't something I can do. I've thought about pills and antiemetics and realized that the moment I start to feel "out of it" I'm going to panic, be terrified, because everyone is terrified of dying, everyone except the people whose mentally healthy biological mandate to keep living "no matter what' is overwhelmed by their illness. It might sound or feel somehow adventurous and even romantic to be in a bucolic setting when you die but actually you'll be isolated, you won't be able to get help if you change your mind, you might run into animals that frighten you or threaten you, and you might never be found. If my daughter, who loved me very much, had someone telling her what would happen to me as a result of her death, I think she might still be alive. I could be wrong because she had a serious mental illness, it might have won in the end, or it might have prevented her from internalizing the facts about me. But at least she would have heard them. So if your mother is alive, or even your father perhaps (I know some fathers who are destroyed too), you're literally ruining your mother's life, she'll never recover from this, and any sibling you have might follow you. I know people who lost both their children because one ended their life with suicide. There are medications that can totally erase this torment you're feeling, you might have to try a few but they're out there. Give someone a chance to help you before doing something you can't take back, ever.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

My mother committed suicide and as a kid I walked in on several attempts. Over a half a century later I am still struggling with it all. There is guilt where there should be none. At times I have struggled with despair and questioned if any of life was worthwhile. Two things keep me from going beyond passive ideation. First, there are people I love and I don’t want them to carry what I have carried all these years. Second, life is really short and death is forever, why rush things. Furthermore, I have found in life, the depths of the abyss is where the opportunity is. It is a time when you can choose to go in an entirely different direction since you really have nothing left to lose.

 

[parrotthepolly]

I know exactly how you feel as I will surely die alone but I'm not suicidal yet, my time will come when it does.

If there's anyone you can think of who's life will be different if you're gone then think before making the decision. Even if you can't think of anyone who cares I can guarantee there is!

You only have one life and it's precious even if it doesn't feel like it. I'm not kidding when I say I know exactly how you're feeling because the woods is a nice resting place (I won't have to worry about my body being dug up and used again) but think of the times when you don't feel as bad as this.

Every has struggles and it's worth it to continue fighting because things change for better or for worse. Don't give up and try to find something, anything good to live a bit longer.

 

[shimmerz]

I have an old trauma script that replays in my head when I get feeling profound hopelessness. Like when my life feels like it has had no meaning. I imagine driving to a remove part of the world and lying in a ditch to die. I wouldn't call it being suicidal, I would call it a trauma re-enactment. I think one can see oneself dying somewhere without being actively suicidal.
Would you say that is what this is or would you say you are in the midst of suicidal thoughts you feel you may act out? If so, my heart goes out to you. I hope you are able to find connection again very soon.

 

[OutsideHumanity]

i know what you mean and i feel similar... i know im never going to have anyone but myself and i will die alone... no matter how many empty platitudes everyone tells me... i feel like giving you platitudes like 'itll get better' and 'someone cares for sure' probably arent going to help so... im sorry you're feeling like that too, that you know how this feels and that i cant provide more help, other than that life might still have its ups, even if you end up kinda floating through it until it happens... so you might benefit from holding on... just food for thought...

 

[Friday]

Unless we’re part of a mass casualty event? We all die alone.

One of my personal rules? If I have ANY choice in my death, it must be doing something useful, and preferably in place of another… who wants to live, & has things to live for.

 

[Aprilshowers]

Life is always changing. So are our emotions. Fifteen years ago I was desperately suicidal and came ridiculously close (within moments) of completing my plan. Fast forward to today - life is different. I am different. My thoughts and outlook are different. I am grateful I was able to experience the incredible highs and lows of the past fifteen years. It took me decades to understand that even with all the pain and suffering, life is a gift. It may sound trite, but I'm glad I hung in there.