I Am Not A Victim!

[Philippa]

I honestly don't know what to think anymore?

I used to think people were just being attention seekers and that playing the victim ...well, I judged that quite harshly actually...until I understood that it's people trying to get their needs met the only way they know how to. It made me sick, and these days I know not to buy into it when someone pulls that shit on me...I just walk away or I offer something constructive for them to think about, IF I think they are worth it. If they choose not to listen or keep up the act, I leave them to it, and walk away and never look back!

I've spoken with some women who have had tragic stuff happen, and they were of the same attitude as me and the OP, however, it was interesting to hear them say that it was only when they could finally admit to themselves that they were in fact victims of a crime, that the floodgates opened to their emotions and they were finally able to process and integrate their experiences...which led them to much swifter healing in the end...and they are now forever grateful and convinced that admitting to being a victim is the only way towards becoming a survivor...and THEN learning to LIVE again.

I've been in survival mode for quite a few years, and I would also love to LIVE...and deep in me I hear this voice gently saying "you're a victim, admit it".

It's all very well to be stubborn and willful and fight that vicimized mentality, but I think healing won't really come until admitting it does...whether you call yourself "prey" or "victim" or whatever label helps you to feel again.

I'm still not comfortable with it either...and it seems like there is a lot of judgement surrounding the part of us that wants to feel sorry for ourselves. When you think about it though...it may not be 'productive' as we define the word...but if heinous shit has happened to you, isn't it only natural to feel bad for yourself...especially when no one else shows the slightest bit of sympathy or compassion for what you went through.

Isn't that like affirming..."That happened to me, and it was horrible...and I didn't deserve it"?

I don't know?

 

[Abrasky]

This is a really interesting thread as the concept between survivor and victim has been in many recovery books I have read. I have had y own experience witnessing people behaving in a victim like manner while I was fully functional without PTSD up until 19, and then getting PTSD and becoming defuctional I guess you could say. I have often thought of myself as a survivor, not a victim, and this enabled me to push my boundaries of how PTSD effected so I did some good by volunteering, but in the end I think the faulty PTSD can't be overcome unless I tried really really hard, I kept ending up where I came from which was a faulty thinking in my brain.

People have different reasons for not being as self-motivated and active in their own healing process as everyone would like them to be .

So true. I think everyone's PTSD is different and some people got it by asociopath destroying them by breaking down their inner core of values that propel them to overcome their difficulties, then they do have a victim mentality, but not exactly their choice. I don't blame myself for not having a job ect, because in the end I just have faulty thinking. I try to find a way around it the best I can and I think that is what a survivor is being about.

A survivor mentality can help a person overcome PTSD if they have another trauma and hit rock bottom, it can allow second learning I think that overcomes the PTSDin a little way I think. Being a parent is immune to my PTSD problem of success because I happened to have a life threatening experience while I was breaking all my PTSD being a successful mum. I found it so hard when bub was born having panic attacks all day, but parenting during a trauma of a kidney complications did something to reverse the faulty thinking on just the parenting part of my life. So I find parenting an escape now. I don't react the same way due to being a survivor plus a life threatening experience.

I think being a survivor is a very powerful idea, it can lead to powerful transformations, not just be the end result of a transformation.