Hi,
I hope this is in the right place, if its not let me know and i can move it.
I have lived with PTSD for over ten years. I went through domestic violence as a child and then at 13 was groomed by a peodophile and physically, sexually, mentally, spiritually and emotionally abused, i cant really talk about the specifics.
Subsequently ended after 4 years and police prosecution. He was charged with many things and the sentence was less than good.
I just drank because it was easier than dealing with life, self abuse. But i cant do that anymore, i dont want to die but i cant live like this anymore, so i went googling online and ended up here.
There are things i have read today that reminded me that i have symptoms but that the symptoms are not who i am.
Like last night. I am afraid to go to bed. I dont like to dream. I find it hard to shower as sometimes the whole been naked thing just freaks me out. I am terrfied of people, i do everything to avoid all people. Trying to connect with anyone is a challenge, i freeze alot. My memory is terrible, its like a flour sive, i struggle to remember what day it is, on very bad days i have forgotten what year i am in, there are other things but i had forgotten they were symptoms, i was really was really loosing myself as to forgetting these are symptoms not me. I have found alot of hope today.
I have not gathered the courage to reply to anyone else story, i had to laugh at myself for panicking at the thought of replying and saying the wrong thing. I have been very shut down for years, about speaking to people as i fear confrontations, i dont speak alot. I guess thats the anxious part.
Throughout my drinking i have just kept retraumatising myself and have done some really messed up things that i have to live with (not hurt anyone, but definetly a toxic person whilst drinking.) I dont know why it was easier to drink than face life.
So here i am airing some things, terrified of pressing post but doing it anyway because thats part of recovery i suppose, but i will find the delete button in case of emergency breakdown. Its honestly just a relief to remember that these are symptoms not who i am. Has anyone else experienced this, where you just kind of forget its not who you are or loose yourself for months or years?
I hope this is in the right place, if its not let me know and i can move it.
I have lived with PTSD for over ten years. I went through domestic violence as a child and then at 13 was groomed by a peodophile and physically, sexually, mentally, spiritually and emotionally abused, i cant really talk about the specifics.
Subsequently ended after 4 years and police prosecution. He was charged with many things and the sentence was less than good.
I just drank because it was easier than dealing with life, self abuse. But i cant do that anymore, i dont want to die but i cant live like this anymore, so i went googling online and ended up here.
There are things i have read today that reminded me that i have symptoms but that the symptoms are not who i am.
Like last night. I am afraid to go to bed. I dont like to dream. I find it hard to shower as sometimes the whole been naked thing just freaks me out. I am terrfied of people, i do everything to avoid all people. Trying to connect with anyone is a challenge, i freeze alot. My memory is terrible, its like a flour sive, i struggle to remember what day it is, on very bad days i have forgotten what year i am in, there are other things but i had forgotten they were symptoms, i was really was really loosing myself as to forgetting these are symptoms not me. I have found alot of hope today.
I have not gathered the courage to reply to anyone else story, i had to laugh at myself for panicking at the thought of replying and saying the wrong thing. I have been very shut down for years, about speaking to people as i fear confrontations, i dont speak alot. I guess thats the anxious part.
Throughout my drinking i have just kept retraumatising myself and have done some really messed up things that i have to live with (not hurt anyone, but definetly a toxic person whilst drinking.) I dont know why it was easier to drink than face life.
So here i am airing some things, terrified of pressing post but doing it anyway because thats part of recovery i suppose, but i will find the delete button in case of emergency breakdown. Its honestly just a relief to remember that these are symptoms not who i am. Has anyone else experienced this, where you just kind of forget its not who you are or loose yourself for months or years?
