That is exactly it Kathy. By all means I am not telling anyone to leave their partner, I am just using that as an example about the jolt required sometimes. As Kathy stated though, some will just drink themselves to death. I nearly did. I flipped out end 99 and just out of the blue left my first wife and kids. I have no idea how I didn't die in the following six months of that year. I pulled myself out of it as my room mate really slapped the shit out of me to look at what I was doing to myself. I partially came good, though was still pretty much on a rampage. I had no idea all that was PTSD, but it was. Went through a myriad of relationships to follow, thinking I was doing something wrong with the type of woman I was meeting. So I went the opposite to what personality I was normally attracted too, hence the second wife ending in failure also. I was ill then worked hard on myself for years, found a new and improved me who was actually honest with myself, honest with others, had to right a lot of wrongs in my life, remove a lot of self guilt and so forth. Kerrie threatened to walk or me get help earlier in that relationship, which was the jolt for me to really get cracking and work on myself as I thought that is what was best for me at that time. Unbeknownst to me though is that she also had her own serious issues which she never really worked through, so I was at a place far better than she was. That is how you can help yourself but then do you choose to live with a destructive person in nature? All these are choices of both sufferers and carers, risks, evaluations, constant analysis and risk assessment if you like.
Sometimes a jolt works, though as you know, it can bite the person on the backside at the same time if they are also not prepared to heal any issues they have, being the carer that is. If a sufferer heals, then all around them must heal even the pain that sufferer has caused them. It is like someone who cheats in a relationship. If you forgive them then you do so and you do not use it against them the rest of their life. If you did, the relationship would end. PTSD is no different. PTSD causes all concerned a lot of pain, and if the sufferer heals so must the carer and even family. Apologies are often just not enough by that stage, where we must learn to forgive for the illness and providing the sufferer is working on themselves and learning how to manage the illness, we must forgive and work through that pain also for a healthy relationship to continue.
Some give the jolt and it just bites them on the backside. Some give the jolt and it works. Some give the jolt, it works, but then forget about healing their own past or PTSD related pain which defeats the purpose entirely. It really is a risk, it really is often used when unfortunately at the last minute, and things have typically moved to irreparable by that stage. The most important thing though is that it is a joint effort of healing, not one or the other, but both must heal all their pain to come together at individually mentally healthy points in their lives.
