I can only remember one detail.

[FauxLiz]

I had therapy last Thursday morning and I truly wish that I had recorded the session. In general I can remember some of the topics that we discussed but not the context of the conversations because shortly into the session a thought popped into my head that I have been ruminating on since. I have issues with making eye contact with my t for many reasons some of which include both parental and erotic transference. I have never discussed the parental (wish he could have been my dad which is impossible as he is about 10 years younger than I am) but we have discussed the erotic transference. During our session and I know it is a combination of transference and my self sabotaging/coping methods the thought came to me that I would "like to jump his bones".

Due to work commitments we moved our next session to today (Monday) afternoon rather than Tuesday morning and I can't make up my mind whether I should mention this and the complete space out of our session today. I am terrified that one of these days I will make a mistake of acting on impulse related to the transference and that will be the end our our work together.

Any advice on whether or not to talk about this, to let sleeping dogs lie, or just pretend it didn't happen would be helpful.

 

[EveHarrington]

I say definitely talk about it. If you try to just hide it away, it may only get worse. If its out in the open, it can be dealt with in the right way. (hopefully!)

 

[Emotional girl]

I had therapy last Thursday morning and I truly wish that I had recorded the session. In general I can...

I have a very similar problem to you especially with the eye contact and the transference towards to my therapist.
However when I am in the therapy room I concentrate fully on what my therapist has to say completely otherwise I am not going to get anything out of therapy which when it comes down to it that is what I am there for.
Maybe it would be a good idea to record the sessions that way you will be able to remember what is said during the session.
I also think you need to discuss your transference issues ,any decent therapist would have been trained in dealing with these issues and will help you through them.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

I have never discussed the parental

This is more common than most survivors think. I learned that survivors of childhood abuse frequently have parental transference with their Ts.

The T who I stayed with the longest helped me understand it was perfectly normal as I would be seeking out a healthy Dad to "replace" the abusive father I had as a child. Though I never expected my T to hold or touch me as a parent, in time, I learned to parent myself with my own inner healthy Dad modeled mostly after that T. What helped too was that my T asked me to go back into my childhood and try to remember a healthier father figure in my life. There was a teacher in elementary school. My inner parent became a combo of my T and my elementary school teacher.

 

[FauxLiz]

So I took your advice and plunged into the discussion with my t today. Rather than be vague as I have in the past I was honest about what the thought was that distracted me. We had a difficult but honest conversation. It was not easy and I did record the session. I also asked my t if he records the sessions because I would really like to have an idea where our conversation went in the last session and he told me he doesn't without permission. Now my challenge having talked about this today is dealing with the feelings that came up. He reminded me that we don't meet again until next Tuesday which I had forgotten our second session this week had been cancelled.

 

[Emotional girl]

That is brilliant,well done to you for being so brave a discussing your issues with your T.It takes a lot of guts and bravery to put your heart on the line.
Hopefully he will now help you to deal with your transference.
Carry on talking on here if you need to deal with your feelings and keep talking to your T.