I can't do this anymore.

[EveHarrington]

Background info.

Suicide attempt in March of this year which was a result of feeling like I was in a free fall due to one of my main supporters just disappearing over night. No, it was not the best of situations and I realize this now, but the fact remains that one of my main supporters disappeared, putting me into a downward cycle that cumulated with a (serious) suicide attempt.

My dad did lots of shit. Blocked my number-----I didn't find out until a month later. Abandoned his dog. (Who the f*ck does this?!?!.....I add it in to show that he's a schmuck, and not just to me.) Spent $3k on a diamond engagement ring before filing for divorce from my mother. She found out because she checks the credit card statements. (All while playing boo hoo poor me, I'm so f*cking poor that I can't pay back the thousands of dollars that he owed to me, his poor as dirt daughter.) All but disowned his sister, claiming she is racist (she is not). There is more. A LOT MORE. Suffice to say, he is a jerk and treats many people like shit.

I received an apology from him. "I'm sorry for all the things I've done over the past few months." My therapist told me it was a shitty apology. You can't just lump everything together and gloss it all over. I was willing to accept it on the provisional basis that his behavior changed. (In my head, I didn't tell him this.)

WELL GUESS WHAT?!?!

His behavior hasn't changed. AT ALL. He continues to do whatever he wants to do without regard for anyone else. He knows my biggest trigger and continues to abuse me in this way.

I SAY NO MORE!

Last time it almost f*cking killed me. I couldn't handle his abuse so I decided to take my own life.

Today I am stronger. I have found a LOT more support. I deserve better. I deserve to have people in my life who care about doing the best for me. Not people who continue to abuse me.

I'm reaching out for support. I would appreciate and kind words and feedback.

I think it's quite an accomplishment that I can say NO MORE, my life is worth so much more than this. I deserve to be loved, not used and abused.

Thank you.

 

[Sideways]

You do deserve better. You deserve to be surrounded by people that care for you, and respect you. People who are going to be real with you, not flopping around with token apologies. People who are genuine, and going to build meaningful relationships with you that stand the test of time.

I've had the privilege of watching you make immense progress in your healing. It doesn't always feel like progress, but being able to see who is really responsible, and point the finger at them, at your dad, where the blame really belongs? That's huge.

So if he's hurt you? Let it out - all the hate and the anger and every last shitty thing you're feeling because of him. Put it out there, and then gather yourself up among people who genuinely see what an inspiring, powerful, passionate person you are.

You deserve better. Kick the trash to the kerb and make your own decisions about who gets the privilege of being in your life. Hugs to you Eve.

 

[Deleted member 40995]

Good for you Eve! So glad you are making the decision to not let him take advantage of you or poison your life anymore! no more!:hug:

 

[Kintsugi]

Cutting ties with someone, especially family IME, is so hard. It takes enormous strength to walk away, not least of all because what usually motivates staying is a deep desire for connection to the other person, often fueled by some good memories (however few or sparse or seemingly small). Walking away/no contact/cutting ties is, to me, a moment of tremendous grief and also growth, like cutting off your feet so you can fly instead; painful but ultimately liberating.

My heart goes out to you. I think you should feel proud for sticking up for yourself. You are worth it.

 

[FlyingHigh]

You deserve people in your life that treat you with respect and dignity. You dont deserve to be abused or taken advantage of. Cutting ties / going no contact with an anyone especially an abusive family member is extremely hard and it sounds like you've taken the first step. I try to remember that if people dont treat me like a respectable human being, then they dont deserve me. But it's easier said than done though. As you know, I'm struggling with the same kind of thing. So you are not alone. As simply simon said, you should be proud for sticking up for yourself, you are worth it. You dont deserve to be treated this way. Well done for making those decisions.

 

[FlyingHigh]

I forgot to include that you are a wonderful, kind, compassionate person Eve. You deserve to be happy. It sounds like you have come so far on your journey to healing and you've made a lot of progress. You should be so proud of yourself! This thread actually shows your progress in your recovery. It shows courage, strength and boundaries that your putting in place. It takes strength to go no contact and courage to stick to it. If an abusive family member isn't respecting us, we can place boundaries but actually going no contact is a boundary itself. It says to the other person: "I refuse to accept your behaviour and abuse and I put this boundary of no contact with you in place because I refuse to accept your behaviour." You should be proud of yourself, because by the sounds of things, you've come so far! Well done.

 

[Joan]

Well Done Eve. Way to stick to your boundaries. It is so hard to say no, to cut relatives or others out of our lives. This is a great post of how much stronger you are!!

 

[LuckiLee]

I had to cut one of my best friends out of my life. She wasn't abusive to me but her alcoholism began to effect my life too.

People either help or hinder us. I'm sticking with helpful people.

Best wishes, Eve!

 

[mumstheword]

I've recenting had to do something similar with both my parents. They are not together.but are both so implicated in my history of trauma and i couldn't pretend it was ok anymore. It's scary and it hurts but I also feel stronger and safer for it. I wasn't unkind when I did it, but I was quite brutally honest, especially with my dad. I don't really have a sense of security or support with any of my biological family, other than some of my children, but I'm wary of relying on that. I'drather they be free than feel a sense of obligation toward me, and this condition has rendered me unable to give as much to others, at the moment. It's a time of grieving the parents i never had, will probably never have, and relationships that may never feel safe or nurturing or even get to be, ever again.

 

[deeplyloved]

I'm sorry you've had to endure this abuse and disrespect from your father. I had to cut my parents out of my life a few years ago and it continues to be painful. It was also one of the best decisions I've ever made. You are brave and strong. You deserve to be loved and supported and treated with respect.