I Can't Do This...

[arfie]

"Life is what happens while we are busy making plans." ~John Lennon

My amnesia might have been built on my childish reflex to run and hide in the future during the traumatic events of my childhood. When my grand dreams of academic achievement finally moved into the present tense at the ripe age of 22, and I was finally doing the do, my actions had no real world tools to shape them. My habit of running was still my primary defense mechanism. Here in my 38th year of the academic frustration, the habit is still hanging on like an over-fed tick. That's my personal theory and I'm sticking to it. For now...

Gentle hugs and support while you find yours. Easy does it.

 

[Echo]

Hi @Radise, I have worked as a university lecturer, and in my experience, it should be possible to either defer your final year for another year, or to ask to continue part-time. I would suggest you speak to the course director with the help of your therapist, preferably sounding positive, with a plan for how you might manage the course work, whilst managing your symptoms along the way.

Bear in mind that colleges don't want to lose students. They don't want to lose the funding, for a start - in the UK, if a student doesn't complete a course, they lose the funding for that course to the tune of one student for the next year. But, don't forget, they also don't want to lose talented students in particular. Students like you contribute to the renown of the course and the college.

So take some pressure of yourself. Show the college that you are really committed but just can't complete within the current schedule. There will have been many other students like yourself, as well as people who get pregnant, lose family members or have major accidents, who also have not been able to complete on time. There is provision usually for all these eventualities.

Do not give up on your dream. Take control. Be proud of your talent.

Oh, and, most colleges and universities have funding available to support people whose money has run out, or can give you a list of charities who can at least part-fund your continuing studies.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Thanks so much for all your replies :)

I'm back from a dreadful day, I was told by my therapist that EMDR really isn't a good idea since I'm already having intrusive images, obsessive tendencies and anxiety pretty much all the time... she wants me to continue therapy in a specialized trauma center. This is another blow to my studying plan, because the trauma center is in another city than where I live and than where the university is at :tdown:

I'm going to have to decide whether I want to continue fighting for the studies or just let it be for (yet another!) while... I was already taking it incredbly easy, never going to college (I would get the content of the colleges forwarded to me by the other students, in exchange for my summaries of the literature). I had informed by counselor and the teachers about the ptsd. They always react a bit estranged, like they can't freaking believe somebody would actually have that.

Are you noise sensitive? Get a sound machine. (This helped me a lot, Chemistry sucks! )

Yeah, I am. What do you mean by soundmachine? I usually wear headphones around everything and everybody, I've got this one app on my phone that plays these "relaxing sounds" like thunderstorms, trains, windshield wipers. I'm always listening to that instead of music. Right now I'm playing "sound of a B-17 Airplane engine" on youtube, haha. it's pretty cool. But it's difficult to listen to that stuff during college because it makes me drowsy and less able to pay attention. Unfortunately we have no online colleges.

It's human nature to compare yourself with the people in class, but they don't have your past or your PTSD, so it isn't a fair comparison

I hate how they sail through life! :mad: Especially because they go to college just to browse online for clothes or chat on Facebook. I don't even understand why they come at all, or how they can pay attention to thirty things at the same time... at times I've said something about it or sent them an evil glance, but that takes a lot of courage and it's a pain to keep doing over and over in every college. I'd like to scream at them that studying doesn't come easy to everyone and shut the %$#@ up already...

it should be possible to either defer your final year for another year, or to ask to continue part-time.

I've been prolonguing the bachelor endlessly, actually my final year should have been last year and I'm still stuck halfway. For this year I've already paid the full-time college fee, but part-time doesn't sound half bad. Maybe I can try that next year. I would like to pursue becoming a private pilot on the side, so that would make it easier. Maybe I just want too much, too soon... sigh!